concerned parent

[hanzomon4]

21 days is short but i question the sanity of a person who sends their kid off to a program that had 3 deaths in one year and is listed on the ISAC watch list.

No she hasn't been in trouble with the law. Past stuff lying, stealing, disrespect. She has tried achohol. She has a 100% chance of becoming on if she continues on that path because both her father and I are recovering. There is a strong genetic component. She is also very implusive .

You seem to have some kind of fear drilled into you, my advice is not to send your kid to any program. I think even parents who think that residential treatment is needed in some cases would question your thinking here. Sending a kid off is not something you do for the problems you have described, thats just crazy.

[Anonymous]

the best suggestion I have for me is to not read and or post anymore because a lot of angery ppl are on this thread with lots of judgements that dont know all the facts

[hanzomon4]

Well, I'm not angry but what has been described is just absurd...

[Anne Bonney]

the best suggestion I have for me is to not read and or post anymore because a lot of angery ppl are on this thread with lots of judgements that dont know all the facts

I would really urge you not to do that. There is a wealth of information here for you.  

I know you're gonna get pissed, but please read this site

http://www.orange-papers.org/


paying particular attention to this

http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-gulags.html



while taking in all the information here.



Then read these.

http://www.ex-cult.org/General/lifton-criteria

http://www.ex-cult.org/General/singer-conditions

http://www.ex-cult.org/bite.html

http://www.ex-cult.org/General/totalism-group-dynamics

[Ursus]

Here is some information about Rock Point.  Mind you, I am not necessarily recommending them; I think your daughter should stay at home.  But sometimes some distance is needed temporarily and perhaps this might fit the bill.

http://www.rockpoint.org/

On the Struggling Teens website, there are some reviews of some places... I am always a bit suspicious of these reviews, as I do believe Lon gleans for positive ones and rejects negative ones based on trivial criteria, e.g., hostile tone, etc.  At any rate, in the Hyde School section (which is where I was sent, and which I will passionately beseech you not to consider), there are 4 reviews, and one of them is negative.  This family was deeply disturbed by what they and their daughter experienced at Hyde and pulled her.  They transferred her to Rock Point.  They then wrote a glowing review of Rock Point, which is also on that site.  Their contact information should be with those reviews, although I can not vouch for how current it is.  Their review (of Rock Point):
http://www.strugglingteens.com/news/let ... 50204.html

One of the other Hyde posters on this forum actually saw fit to call the school up, and was duly impressed with their professionalism.  I checked out their website, and I will say, even though the websites of a lot of these places look nice at the outset -- bearing little resemblance to the reality of experiencing them first hand, it is a very good sign when they actually profile all the relevant personnel there with pictures and details as to their credentials.  These could be bogus, of course; believe it or not, that often happens.

There is also a post way back when on this site, where another registered user (Son of Serbia) describes Rock Point, and I do believe he is still posting.  You could PM him for info, perspective, etc.  This thread contains 2 other posters making reference to this school, both of them positive, although both of them admittedly with second-hand knowledge.
http://wwf.fornits.com/viewtopic.php?t=12344&&start=6

I think you should stay away from anything that smacks of "emotional growth" or "therapeutic," as these tend to be oxymoronic at best.  Look for a "normal" boarding school with small class size, as Covergaard says.  Best option, in my humble opinion:  have her stay at home, with community based therapy if needed.

[Anonymous]

Also, do *NOT* assume that because there is a parental history of alcoholism or addiction that this means the child has a 100% of alcohol and other drug problems.

Most children of alcoholics DO NOT become alcoholics themselves.  Genes give a predisposition, not a predestination.  Even with both parents alcoholic, at least 60% do not become alcoholic-- and it's probably more (ie, real risk is likely much lower).

However, if you assume that any and all drinking = alcoholism and send her to a program that forces her to admit she's an alcoholic, you are raising, not lowering the odds of there being a problem.

The research shows that cognitive behavioral family therapy, functional family therapy, CRAFT family therapy are effective with troubled teens.  It is way, way, way better to keep a child at home.

In fact, in psychiatry, it is a rule that you treat the patient in the "least restrictive setting."  Remember, first do no harm-- don't assume that the child is going to behave badly and don't assume that teenage angst and disobedience is pathological.

[Anne Bonney]

Also, do *NOT* assume that because there is a parental history of alcoholism or addiction that this means the child has a 100% of alcohol and other drug problems.

Most children of alcoholics DO NOT become alcoholics themselves.  Genes give a predisposition, not a predestination.  Even with both parents alcoholic, at least 60% do not become alcoholic-- and it's probably more (ie, real risk is likely much lower).

However, if you assume that any and all drinking = alcoholism and send her to a program that forces her to admit she's an alcoholic, you are raising, not lowering the odds of there being a problem.

The research shows that cognitive behavioral family therapy, functional family therapy, CRAFT family therapy are effective with troubled teens.  It is way, way, way better to keep a child at home.

In fact, in psychiatry, it is a rule that you treat the patient in the "least restrictive setting."  Remember, first do no harm-- don't assume that the child is going to behave badly and don't assume that teenage angst and disobedience is pathological.

That's exactly it.  I try, lately at least, to stay out of these discussions.  Trying to have a dialogue with a devout AA member is pointless.  They're so set and determined that they are diseased and powerless and they, even if inadertently, pass that paranoia on to their kids.  Witness my Straight vet friend whose son is convinced, absolutely beyond the shadow of a doubt convinced, that my daughter should be in rehab because she's 20 and drinks.  There is no exaggeration to this.  He, along with and because of his mother, truly believe that this kid....based solely on their viewing of a picture on MySpace that showed her with a beer in her hand.   That's it, honest to god.  And this is my good kid.   :rofl: , Kidding, kidding.  Sort of.  She did give me the least lip, but they're both great kids.  :rofl:


Parent, peruse the Orange Pages.   http://www.orange-papers.org/    Check out the mail section to be sure.  He has a lot of angry people writing to him with all the same things that must be going through your head as you read.  Please don't be afraid.  Read with an open mind.  You're going to be amazed.

http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-effectiveness.html

[Ursus]

I agree whole-heartedly with the poster who just made the comments re. alcoholism (genetic vs. environmental influences) and the value of (community-based) family therapy.

I feel I should also say a word about why some posters here are being very passionate about their positions, a piece of history of which "concerned parent" may be less than aware of.  Please see the following thread, which contains a recent article re. the evolution of many of these type of "emotional growth" and "wilderness therapy" places.

http://wwf.fornits.com/viewtopic.php?t=22874

It is woefully brief, and somewhat incomplete, but it does give a picture that a person can take in in one sitting without being overwhelmed by the vast and sordid landscape this business comprises.  

There is a helpful graph, a few posts further in than the first one, which describes the interconnectedness of many of these institutions, a family tree, if you will, of how these places have descended and evolved from one another.

[Anonymous]

[hanzomon4]

That news paper is an Alcoholic!!!



10 years sober, thanks AA!!   ::bwahaha::

[Anonymous]

 He, along with and because of his mother, truly believe that this kid....based solely on their viewing of a picture on MySpace that showed her with a beer in her hand.  

A 20 year old girl pictured with a beer? Clear proof of breaking the law. If I saw this I would call the police, because that is what my program taught me to do. All I have is the program since I have no friends, I ratted them all out. I don't regret it though.  I couldn't live with myself if I didn't stand up for my principles.

[Anne Bonney]

This gave me hope.


http://www.law.cornell.edu/supct/html/06-278.ZD.html

[Anonymous]

yes I am still reading

[Anonymous]

I was actually told when I went through treatment years ago that is it heredity. Where did you get this information and the statistics. It is good to know and I don't go to AA  anymore. It was valuable for along time and I still don't drink

[Anonymous]

thanks for the link to redrock.
 Staying home would save me lots of $$$