I never broke. I never believed any of Cedu's bullshit, I never bought into the program, and I thought all of Cedu's ideas were stupid. I knew that what was happening at Cedu was wrong,
from day one, and this didn't change. I didn't accept anything that went on at Cedu as being healthy or normal, and I've always viewed Cedu and all of it's supporters with utmost contempt and revulsion.
I did play the game though, and I went through the motions when it suited my purposes. For instance, the one and only time that I ever "took care of my feelings" in a rap, I screamed at the floor, pretended to cry, and basically repeated all the same shit that
the look goods had just screamed about before me ("I want to live until I'm 18", "I hate my thinking", "I'm so angry", etcetera). I faked the whole thing after the Rap faciliator accused me of "not being emotionally ready to go home" and he threatened to cancel my upcoming home visit. Well my ploy worked, I went home, and I split soon after I got there. Well the PI's brought me back to hell that time, but it wasn't long before I split again and stayed out for good.
There were other times when I publicly claimed to like Cedu, and even encouraged younger studets to stay there, it was all bullshit,
I'm not proud of this, but again it served my purpose by taking the suspician off of me while I planned my next escape. My goal always remained to get the fuck out of Cedu, and this is exactly what I did. I took control of my life, I got the hell out, and stayed out for good.
Cedu Never Broke Me, that's for sure!