Author Topic: Did you break?  (Read 7351 times)

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Offline dishdutyfugitive

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Did you break?
« Reply #15 on: August 22, 2007, 02:39:10 PM »
Well said.

The funny thing is my family to this day would'nt believe any of it. They would say RMA saved my life and made me a good successful person.

They can't even imagine.....
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Ridiculous ain't it?
« Reply #16 on: August 22, 2007, 02:43:15 PM »
That's fairly common among progam families. The sons/daughters can be homeless, addicts, and prostitutes--things they never were pre-program--and they'll still say it saved their life.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Ridiculous ain't it?
« Reply #17 on: August 22, 2007, 02:43:35 PM »
That's fairly common among progam families. The sons/daughters can be homeless, addicts, and prostitutes--things they never were pre-program--and they'll still say it saved their life.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Psianide

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Its all a matter of persepective I guess.
« Reply #18 on: September 19, 2007, 12:14:08 AM »
I never truly resisted. Part of this I suppose was a product of arriving at NWA via ascent, where I realized early on that no amount of will would change my situation, and that I desperately wanted to do anything to change the most miserable situation of my life. I also wanted to beleive that the CEDU philosophy could help me, because I knew my life needed changing.  

On the other hand a lot of my motivation in compliance was always to keep people off of my back and out of my face. I never fully accepted what was sold by CEDU, because it never seemed grounded in anything concrete or verifiable. I read and used my brain, finding ways to interject outside perspectives into the cult bubble, including reading books that were illicit and had been snuck into the school. I resented CEDU for its maddening derision of all things intellectual. Eventually I entered into a pagan religious circle, worshiping nature and authoring charms to curse the school and some of its members, and to protect runaways. All this while I was a trusted and well thought of upper school student.

So yes, I broke immediately. I kissed so much ass my face was brown,  I narced people out for trivialities, and I behaved in ways Ill never be able to forget. But resistance for me was the commision of thought crime. The king of all agreements was the one that compelled you to accept everything in the doctrine completely and without question, and that was a rabbit hole I could never completely dive into. Inside I was always seething with hatred for the place that had enthralled every aspect of my life, and that never changed.

On the subject of whether the schools got less coercive, this seems to be the conventional wisdom.  I also think it was variable between schools. In the middle of my time at NWA we had some RMA staff brought in (sheila claremont and tony alvarez) and the level of confrontation they brought with them, led to a literal uprising on campus. There was a lot of disorder at NWA and a lot of disregard for certain less serious agreements,  so a lot of what I related isn't that impressive by the standard of shit that went down during my time there. On the other hand, the place was still very totalitarian, and I could have been in deep shit for all that stuff regardless.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
quot;Anyone who doesn\'t understand how a book of lies can be useful won\'t like this one either\" -Kurt Vonnegut

Offline Psianide

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Did you break?
« Reply #19 on: September 19, 2007, 12:25:30 AM »
Quote from: ""dishdutyfugitive""
I know it's a grey area but if you had to pick a year that things truly changed. Would it be  1992?  I know the brown school takeover had much to do with it.


I think the NWA riot contributed decisively as well. That happened in 1997 I believe.
« Last Edit: September 21, 2007, 12:16:02 AM by Guest »
quot;Anyone who doesn\'t understand how a book of lies can be useful won\'t like this one either\" -Kurt Vonnegut

Offline dishdutyfugitive

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Did you break?
« Reply #20 on: September 19, 2007, 09:16:47 PM »
dude that mr. rogers photo is too pedophilia please change it.

I'll do your dishes for a year --


--- holy shit that reminds me...doing someone elses  'dishes/pots&pans' was never classified as dirt.  That's prison style ...

.I can't recall any 'transactions' (bets or black market currency)  for doing more than '2 dish duties'     (Who would be that insane)......  Nor do I recall anyone anyone wagering or offering a bet / proposal to do more than a couple of 'dish duties' per transaction.

What I do remember is Steve almquist fucking up his 1988 comodore generated dish duty list that left me dishduty free for at least  2-3 months. That was a highlight of my  time there. He didn't want to admit he fucked up so he never mentioned it and I never got 'indicted' for it.  I remember every monday morning walking up to the list to see ( on the kitchen wall) my mandatory dreaded dishes - pots&pans duty assignment.  When I didn't see my name posted,  week after week, month after month, it put a grin on my face -  ear to fucking ear.    An illegal  warm fuzzy if you will.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Psianide

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Did you break?
« Reply #21 on: September 19, 2007, 11:36:25 PM »
Quote from: ""dishdutyfugitive""
dude that mr. rogers photo is too pedophilia please change it.



LMAO, sorry dude, I have a history of "playing attention games". I hope this helps  :rofl:  :rofl:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
quot;Anyone who doesn\'t understand how a book of lies can be useful won\'t like this one either\" -Kurt Vonnegut

Offline try another castle

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Did you break?
« Reply #22 on: September 20, 2007, 01:52:18 AM »
Quote from: ""Psianide""
Quote from: ""dishdutyfugitive""
dude that mr. rogers photo is too pedophilia please change it.


LMAO, sorry dude, I have a history of "playing attention games". I hope this helps  :rofl:  :rofl:



Wow, I never thought I would see Ansuz in fornits. Or any rune, for that matter.

Are you prone to divine communication psi?  :)
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Offline dishdutyfugitive

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Did you break?
« Reply #23 on: September 20, 2007, 01:02:48 PM »
Thanks for getting rid of mr. rogers.

Anyone know How to upload an image from the computer to use as an avatar?

Who/What is ansuz?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Psianide

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Did you break?
« Reply #24 on: September 20, 2007, 11:58:39 PM »
Quote from: ""dishdutyfugitive""
Thanks for getting rid of mr. rogers.

Anyone know How to upload an image from the computer to use as an avatar?

Who/What is ansuz?


Ansuz is the rune that I am currently using as my avatar. Runes are an ancient alphabet used by the Germanic peoples, and each has a phoenetic value and magickal signifigance. Ansuz has the phoenetic value of "A" and is related to communication and inspiration, it is also closely associated with the god Odin (aka Wotan or Odhinn).
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
quot;Anyone who doesn\'t understand how a book of lies can be useful won\'t like this one either\" -Kurt Vonnegut

Offline Psianide

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Did you break?
« Reply #25 on: September 21, 2007, 12:04:19 AM »
Quote from: ""try another castle""
Quote from: ""Psianide""
Quote from: ""dishdutyfugitive""
dude that mr. rogers photo is too pedophilia please change it.


LMAO, sorry dude, I have a history of "playing attention games". I hope this helps  :rofl:  :rofl:


Wow, I never thought I would see Ansuz in fornits. Or any rune, for that matter.

Are you prone to divine communication psi?  :)


I like to think so at least ;). Glad to see there are others here who appriciate the runes. I wasn't really expecting anyone to recognize it.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
quot;Anyone who doesn\'t understand how a book of lies can be useful won\'t like this one either\" -Kurt Vonnegut

Offline try another castle

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Did you break?
« Reply #26 on: September 21, 2007, 08:17:59 PM »
Quote from: ""Psianide""
Quote from: ""try another castle""
Quote from: ""Psianide""
Quote from: ""dishdutyfugitive""
dude that mr. rogers photo is too pedophilia please change it.


LMAO, sorry dude, I have a history of "playing attention games". I hope this helps  :rofl:  :rofl:


Wow, I never thought I would see Ansuz in fornits. Or any rune, for that matter.

Are you prone to divine communication psi?  :)

I like to think so at least ;). Glad to see there are others here who appriciate the runes. I wasn't really expecting anyone to recognize it.



I used to be a runemaker, actually. Had to give it up because I just didn't have time for that and school.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline If u want to know..then a

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Re: Did you break?
« Reply #27 on: September 24, 2007, 07:04:59 PM »
Quote from: try another castle
Well, we all broke, to some degree or another, but when I mean break I mean really, really break. You bought into the program in its entirety, even if it took them a while to work on you.....

 I mean, when I got my letter on my second week stating that I was graduating (and knowing my mother, I was definitly graduating) so when they told me that if I yelled at the ground then it would make me feel better, I did it!  I didn't do it to get my point across.  I did it because if I didn't, I KNEW I would hole it up and when my mom DID come to see me, I would most assuredly do something that I was raised NEVER to do and probably haul off and beat my mother up.  (Not my idea of a good thing).  I also smooshed on my first night.  NOT by CHOICE!  The girl who moved me in, I think she was bi or something, PULLED me down to the ground.  So from there on out, EVERYONE called me a look good for that bullshit.  What the hell?  Was I supposed to just sit there and start yelling at people?  

But I NEVER believed in the majority of the ideology.  SOME of things that were said DID make sense, but those were few and far between and mostly from staff who actually spent time with me and appreciated my immense struggles through life thus far and who knew what the hell they were doing (as much as they could without being licensed I guess).

I DID believe in the promise they made me.  Ya know, the "if you go along with the program, you will leave a better person" promise.  The same one that they laid on my mom so tough that she in turn was pushing that on me.  I knew that once I got home after a THREE YEAR tour, and my mom told me she wasted all that money simply because I wanted freedom as an 18 year old and opposed college, the gig was up.  I would NEVER be that good person they promised and especially in my mother's eyes.  For one who seemed to 'waste money' that she got from mortgaging her house three times and was STILL on the scholarship to help pay for part, THATS when I felt broken, FUBAR, and severly discouraged about the years wasted to make me the daughter I had never been seen as.

So yes I broke,  for good reasons but breaking is breaking!  I ran the raps towards the end of my stay, even co-facilitated in some prophets.  I felt for the people that I was affecting by this though were in better hands than I was.  I came from a different place than the people being "paid to do these things" so that was my reward for 'breaking'.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Did you break?
« Reply #28 on: September 26, 2007, 08:48:14 AM »
I agree with the above post. I think everyone broke to some degree or another. We were kids. I fought as hard as I could against the system. They made my life a living hell, as they did everyone elses. I did 7 ile's in my stay. 89-91. I would straighten out for a little bit and go along with what they said. I'd run my anger at the floor, letting the snot trains flow freely. I'd scream till I busted vessels around my eyes which would leave me with that " you just ran your anger" puffy face.( those snot trains were disgusting!) So I'd do that for a while, and then would figure out nothing changes, time still stands still at that place, and I hated it, so I'd split...only to be brought back to hell, and the cycle starts all over again.

So I'd like to say that I did the best I could to keep my sanity and my "self" at that place. I did split for the last and final time after the Summit and it final worked. All those lies about being locked up or jail or whatever they'd tell us were a lie.. cause I went home. Son of Sebia... we were in the same peer group! Nice to see you are doing well.
Peace!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline If u want to know..then a

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Did you break?
« Reply #29 on: September 28, 2007, 03:05:09 PM »
Man.  The running your shit thing!  That got to be out of control.  I think I ran (actually by myself) about 6 RAPS right before I left.  The main objective that I followed was that I wouldn't LET people run their shit!  The reason being that I felt like it wasn't much of a tool for anything except to say what was REALLY bothering them while allowing them to put on a 'show' for the staff or the other students.  Now, don't me wrong, people like me actually NEEDED to run theirs once in awhile due to the anger inside of me.  So, it was more of the forum that it should've been from the beginning.  When I facilitated the Truth, the peer group was a little tougher than I had seen in awhile and those kids REALLY were good people.  So, as the 'staff' sat back and figured out which ones we were going to 'go after', I jumped at the opportunity to take on the ones that really needed help, not ridicule.  I still get emails thanking me because they felt that it was the only time they actually got 'real help'.   That was probably the biggest reward I got outta that place.  :)
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »