Author Topic: Did you break?  (Read 7343 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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CEDU
« Reply #30 on: October 23, 2007, 05:59:18 PM »
hi everyone. I happenend to come across this Forum while searching about CEDU, all the Fires in CA right now got me wondering, and from what I can tell , the site where Cedu once stood in Running Springs CA is gonna be Burnt down

Anyway, LOL I never broke, I will be the First to SAY FUCK CEDU LOL

I broke into faculty cars, stold Cigs from them, Slept with Woman, Our entire room 4 guys had 4 girls come over one night, was one big ORGY I was there in 95/96 I want to say maybe 97. I forgot so much about it till I found this site.


Yeah, I ended up corrupting the system so much they made me leave, and that was hard to do.... oh yeah, ran away to, got down the mountain somewhere in CA but was caught.

I feel bad for kids at Boulder Creek and Northwest, apparently they are re-opened under the UHS company... Anyway, this is great to see a site about it.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline AuntieEm2

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Re: Did you break?
« Reply #31 on: January 23, 2008, 03:08:25 PM »
I've been thinking about this and decided to bump this thread.

I often pester you with these questions. Please forgive information-starved Auntie Em. What happened if you openly resisted? What percentage of students do you think just played along, biding their time? (You all have a term: look-goods, is it?)

I try to picture the experience of being forced to let go of some essential part of your self. What is that like? Can you tell me more about this?

Auntie Em

 
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline alia23

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Re: Did you break?
« Reply #32 on: January 23, 2008, 04:26:45 PM »
we had a song:

look at him he's a look good look good,  lookin' good.

look at her she's a look good look good, lookin' good.

everyone was a look good.  there was no truth to the program so all you could do is more and more determinedly accept the obviously plot hole ridden story.  but thats a lot like faith in jesus man, not a lot of difference there, faith is faith....

i dont know what i was.  there were times i thought if i was all cedu wanted me to be then my parents would love me again.  there were a lot of times i beleived what they told me i was, a whore, just in case they were right....i tend to play it safe, so, i figured i should make sure i am not a slut.  then, woops, i guess i am so terrified of intimacy i will just be celibate, otherwise i just can't seem to stop attacking the guys i am seeing for turning me on!  dont they know i am a whore and if i get turned on i will loose control!!?? don't they know what they are getting themselves into by being with me????

so i just stayed alone, for a long long time...

did they break me?  you betcha.  and i never thought what they were doing was right, and i never agreed with them, but i completely gave in.  i accepted that even though i did not see it that way, that was how society saw it, and for the sake of society i submitted.  brilliant.  exponentially brilliant.

see, here's the flaw....  if i were a sociopath, they would never have reformed my behavior that way because i wouldnt have given a damn about society, and the fact that i did, proves that i didn't need to be tortured into caring about society in the first place.  its a loose loose.  so stupid. 

its our world now, lets take it.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
lia
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Offline AuntieEm2

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Re: Did you break?
« Reply #33 on: January 23, 2008, 05:10:30 PM »
Conveniently, they keep you away from the whole of society, so you don't have a chance to compare their version with reality. Those critical thinking skills we were talking about.

Quote
there were times i thought if i was all cedu wanted me to be then my parents would love me again.
Aw, honey. How dare they break your heart like that.

Auntie Em
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Tough love is a hate group.
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Offline try another castle

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Re: Did you break?
« Reply #34 on: January 24, 2008, 01:14:10 AM »
Quote from: "AuntieEm2"
I've been thinking about this and decided to bump this thread.

I often pester you with these questions. Please forgive information-starved Auntie Em. What happened if you openly resisted? What percentage of students do you think just played along, biding their time? (You all have a term: look-goods, is it?)

I try to picture the experience of being forced to let go of some essential part of your self. What is that like? Can you tell me more about this?

Auntie Em

 

Consequences for open resistance was dependent on 1. what the infraction was, and 2. Whether the staff who decided your punishment liked you.

If they liked you, this was no guarantee that you would be let off easy. A lot of times, this made things worse, because they wanted to "help" you.

It could be anything from a work detail, to a booth/table, living room, full time or other kind of restriction. Bans was always a part of it. For more serious infractions, you could be sent to survival wilderness in southern idaho and have to subsist on rice, lentils and whatever bugs/game you could catch/trap. If it was really bad, they would kick you out, which normally resulted in the parents placing you elsewhere.

Like Alia said, you didn't even have to do anything wrong to get heat. You could be accused of being a look good and faking your way through the program. Hell, I got in trouble in Challenge for no reason whatsoever. They put me on work details and sent me through the truth propheet again, because I was "stagnating", i.e. not progressing through the program at the pace I should be... not "going for broke" in raps and the like. This is why I hated Brett Carey. (He was my family head in challenge.) Everyone says "oh, brett was such a great guy." No he wasn't. He was a stupid fucking preppy ex-frat boy who came off cool because he was charismatic and had a good sense of humor. He looked right at me in one of his raps and said to me "You need help." As a result, he put me on bans, a work detail and a rehash of the truth propheet, along with another guy in my peer group who was apparently being accused of the same thing. Thanks, but I don't need that kind of help, white boy.

Hate to break it to you Brett fans, the guy was a program tool, and so was his bitch cunt wife, Lisa. Fuck both of them, and fuck their horrible LL Bean fashion sense. Stupid fucking yuppie fucks.


As for students playing along. I have absolutely no idea. It was impossible for me to tell, and I have a feeling, it was also impossible for the staff, even though they pretended that they were able to ferret out the look goods.

The narcissist in me says that all of the students were playing along... except me. I was the only one stupid enough to believe in that shit. Of course, this is wrong.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline dishdutyfugitive

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Re: Did you break?
« Reply #35 on: January 24, 2008, 09:16:52 AM »
Castle's once again painted an accurate picture of the late 80's RMA. (IMO, applicable to 1980 - 1991 at both RS and RMA)

It was a Russian Roulet environment where the following:

1. Too little effort (you resistant little bastard)

2. Middle of the road effort (you think you can slide by? You're gonna fail when you leave here)

3. Too much effort (you just don't get it - you'll never be in touch)


meant you were guilty of...


"not "going for broke" in raps and the like"


"The Heat" - We were always trying to dodge it - but you knew you couldn't.

Brett and Lisa were definitely program tools. Every staff member there was a stooge. (Except the exceptions to the rule, Greg Burton - Will Vernard)
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Offline shanlea

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Re: Did you break?
« Reply #36 on: January 28, 2008, 04:48:18 PM »
No, Alia they weren't playing along... even the ones playing along weren't playing along. Its a strange dialectical existence.
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hanlea

Offline AuntieEm2

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Re: Did you break?
« Reply #37 on: January 29, 2008, 04:18:00 PM »
For the record, I don't see anything right or wrong in playing along, not playing along, believing in CEDU, not believing in CEDU, "succeeding" or "not succeeding." For me, from the outside looking in, you were in a highly manipulative situation, with a significant power differential between the staff and the students, in a physically and socially isolated setting, at a time of life when you were vulnerable--all in a rigged game. Seems to me from all I've read here that you did what you needed to do to survive, body and soul. 

DDF wrote:
Quote
It was a Russian Roulet environment
That paints quite a picture. Sounds scary.

Shanlea wrote:
Quote
Its a strange dialectical existence.
Could you explain a little more?

Auntie Em
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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"I have sworn...eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man." -Thomas Jefferson.

Offline Anonymous

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Re: Did you break?
« Reply #38 on: January 29, 2008, 05:52:53 PM »
I was a Cascade Survivor - but most everyone in charge of the place had been CEDU at one time or another.  From speaking to those who havebeen in CEDU, it sounds pretty much the same.  Same psycho-counselors, same cultish feel...but I digress

I was dropped off at the school a little more than 6 months before my 18th birthday.  I knew from day one that there was no way to escape without playing the game, and that there was no way out for 6 months.  I tried to stay the same, to stay me...and I fared better than most (probably due to the fact that I knew there was a time limit at which they could no longer legally hold me) but the real effects were no visable until after I left.

I had ZERO confidence left, no sense of self or purpose.  My goal had been to survive, but I was left as a shell of what I had been.  I turned to vices as a way of escaping the reality that I no longer knew how to be me - which led to trouble that took years to sort out.  Not to mention the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which still haunts my sleep. 

Did they break me - no
But they sure as hell bent me out of shape for a long time
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Offline robert1288

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Re: Did you break?
« Reply #39 on: September 02, 2008, 12:49:35 AM »
Yeah, I like that, didn't break but was sure bent out of shape.

I don't think I ever saw this great evil that the place was (RMA -84), I figured that they may be right, just that it wasn't the thing for me.

Looking back 20+ years later, I really can't see too much wrong with the place, after all, what else was there? Was I going to leave and take up a career as a McDonalds french-fry technician? And at 37, of course I have heard enough of the 'yah I'm going to be a rock-star, football hero, whatnot' to realize that it's just a bunch of B.S. There was alot of nonsense at the place, but hell, you'll see that everywhere. Don't make it right, but call it experience.

If anything it was great training for being in the army, in fact it makes me chuckle at the similarities between the RMA rituals and what the army does. Both organizations are a joke as far as I'm concerned. But echoing my previous comment, if not for the army, what else could we have? And is their any coincidence between what went on there and the fact that I am now an interrogator? hmm...

I really loved the grounds though, going up into the hills behind the school and such. And please don't think I am pro-RMA or something, I mean really, a propheet? what the hell were they smoking?
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Offline try another castle

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Re: Did you break?
« Reply #40 on: September 02, 2008, 12:55:59 AM »
Quote from: "robert1288"
Yeah, I like that, didn't break but was sure bent out of shape.

I don't think I ever saw this great evil that the place was (RMA -84), I figured that they may be right, just that it wasn't the thing for me.

Looking back 20+ years later, I really can't see too much wrong with the place, after all, what else was there? Was I going to leave and take up a career as a McDonalds french-fry technician? And at 37, of course I have heard enough of the 'yah I'm going to be a rock-star, football hero, whatnot' to realize that it's just a bunch of B.S. There was alot of nonsense at the place, but hell, you'll see that everywhere. Don't make it right, but call it experience.

If anything it was great training for being in the army, in fact it makes me chuckle at the similarities between the RMA rituals and what the army does. Both organizations are a joke as far as I'm concerned. But echoing my previous comment, if not for the army, what else could we have? And is their any coincidence between what went on there and the fact that I am now an interrogator? hmm...

I really loved the grounds though, going up into the hills behind the school and such. And please don't think I am pro-RMA or something, I mean really, a propheet? what the hell were they smoking?

Robert, is 1288 the day of your graduation? (I wasn't sure, since you said 84) But if it was 12/88, you graduated exactly a year before me.

I also love that bend not break thing. What breaks? Rigid, brittle things. What bends? Bendy stuff. Adaptable bendy stuff.
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Offline robert1288

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Re: Did you break?
« Reply #41 on: September 02, 2008, 02:18:06 AM »
Graduate? (chuckle) no, I got kicked out, in 1985 or 1986, not sure which. It's a point of pride for me to be kicked out of that place.

But if you graduated in '89? No that was too far past my time, the program was only 2 years long I think... I stayed at the 'Hobbit', which was the chicken coop just downhill from the main building.

I meant what I said though, if there was alot of B.S. at RMA, the army is the same thing. In my 4 years here I have seen people awarded medals for drunk driving, torturing Iraqis, and using drugs. No wonder the place (RMA) was allowed to exist! There are evil people everywhere and the only true lesson I can take from that place is that people need to stand up for what's right and never show fear in the battle for the morality. (perhaps that's even a little too corny for me)

Oh, and I have done in a few 6-packs tonight, so please excuse me!
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Offline Anonymous

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Re: Did you break?
« Reply #42 on: September 02, 2008, 11:17:55 PM »
Hey, there's nothing corny about standing up for what is right my friend.   Or doing it in spite of fear.  
It those freakin scary times that we stand our ground that show us who we are. Sounds like you have been through some harrowing times but they did not destroy your moral center.  That gives me faith...
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Offline Anonymous Artist

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Broken...?
« Reply #43 on: October 07, 2008, 12:58:15 AM »
I ALWAYS knew the things that happened at CEDU were wrong.  Iíd ended up at CEDU because a computer predator had made me his target and my parents got some bad information from a shrink on what to do about it.  I fought the program tooth and nail for months after my arrival in July of 1994.  Eventually, they sent me to Ascent for splitting and I BEGGED my parents to not return me to CEDU in letters that were ultimately never sent to them.

When I did arrive in Running Springs again, I was pretty grateful for having my 5-minute shower everyday and something resembling a warm bed.  For a little while, I received some small amount of positive reinforcement from the staff/students and reacted like a caged animal that had been thrown a bone.  I was even willing to play the game, lay low, not get in trouble and point a finger if it meant saving my skin at someone elseís expense.

Once the false indictments arose again I remembered why I knew I didn't belong there.  Then, over a period of 6 months in a series of very lucky events (some planned by me, and others that had to be divine intervention) I managed to get pulled out.  I spent a total of one year at that hellhole.  Did I break?  No.  I still have myself.  That will never change.  However, it's now my responsibility to glue together the broken pieces of my strange history.  Iím an adult now; itís my job to care for myself.  They didnít break me, but they did do some serious damage.  Repairs are in progress.  Unjust? Sure it is.  Such is the nature of the human condition.  I suppose I'm lucky to still have my sanity and what's left of my intelligence.  Still, I wonder what I could have accomplished if CEDU hadn't imprisoned the plaintiff.  Death would have been a kinder fate.
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Offline Awake

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Re: Did you break?
« Reply #44 on: October 07, 2008, 06:11:46 PM »
Whoa! That sounds just like what happened to me except I was a there about a year or so after you. Split, went to Ascent, back to Cedu. As much as Ascent sucked, once I was there for awhile I wondered why everyone made such a big deal about it. It was always held over us as the biggest threat imaginable and when someone got sent they always made sure to announce it at house around the pit so everyone knew it could be them too if they screwed up. But I remember thinking it was a vacation compared to a full-time (even though I was on a couch restriction for a couple weeks after I got back). However I was also relieved to get back to Cedu and have the basic amenities of a normal life. I'm pretty sure it was about that time I stopped resisting and just did what I had to to get by. A fairly good indicator of how deeply I played the game, or how severly I was "broken", is when I was a dormhead and had to have one of my dorm mates on a hygene restriction. I had to make sure he brushed his teeth, put on deoderant, used shampoo and lathered up properly and I'd have to report to my team leader every day (shudder). Yeah at Ascent we bathed every two weeks in groups in the hygen tent by pouring buckets of cold water over ourselves while standing in an ankle deep bucket of water, but that's not quite as shocking of a memory as remembering actually monitoring and reporting on someone's hygene habits. So I guess I broke, I dunno, I didn't think so when I left. But next to my bed I have three extra pillows and blankets because lately I wake up drenched in sweat so often I have to switch them. So they must have gotten to me more than I thought.
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