Whether it was Brian's, Dean's, or anybody else's fault that Brian is not here, the outcome and result will never be changed.
If we have a courtroom trial and Mr. Neil is found "Guilty of taking his own life," does any judge, jury or anyone have the ability to bring him back? If so, please let me know, because losing my mother this year has been a real struggle to deal with and man, if I can blame someone and get her back then sign me up!
On the other hand, proving whether Dean did or did not contribute to Brian's tragic suicide will also not bring him back; HOWEVER, proving that the messages given to patients in these types of "treatment centers" can be damaging to on's overall sense of self and his/her relation to world around them is another issue.
I've never been in AARC, so I am not going to allege anything that I do not know as fact and cannot establish to be factual. Like Dean, Velvet and many other posters on this board, I don't need an International Lawsuit for some nonsensicle crap that he said - she said.
To Everyone here: Instead of throwing mud at AARC & Dean, wouldn't it be more productive to point out publicly the specific methods of treatment that may be considered questionable, damaging or even counter productive? Mud throwing has a really simple result! EVERYONE IS DIRTY WHEN WE ARE DONE PLAYING!
I think it may be unreasonable to actually pin down DEAN to take ultimate responsibility for Brian's death; however, did the Kids message and the years that he was there doing hard time contribute? You bet your ass! May it have contributed to about 20+ suicides of my personal friends who were imprisoned there? You better fucking believe it! Why? Let me explain...
When Kids (maybe AARC) did intakes for people to become patients, everything was very black & white fromthat very second. You ARE druggie (even if you don't admit to using & abusing) from the second that you arrive there. That label will never leave you whether it is accurate or not.
In addition, the freedom of self is not only suppressed, but it is constantly shamed, and blamed for not only what has been done in the past, but for the incarceration in treatment. The message of scaring someone into submission by using tactics such as sensory depravation (i.e. food regulation, sleep, no exposure to anything but a constant message) weakens the person's ability to "think for himself" and a state of hypnosis begins. The person becomes very open to "suggestions." Even if someone never had sex with an animal, hearing everyone around them in this controlled enviroment with no ability to try & discern for himself what is real & what is not, it would be, has been and will continue to be the perfect opportunity for that person to either think that maybe he did have sex with an animal or after people hounding him to "get honest" he may even own up to it for the simple rewards that follow. He gets to earn talk, group accepts him, people are off his back and he may be one step closer to going home.
You CANNOT tell people that life, addiction & alcoholism are BLACK & WHITE! Why not, Jeff? Because of this. The principals of AA are clear that anyone with a DESIRE TO STOP DRINKING can be a member. If someone decides in time, that they are an alcoholic, it is only then that they will be classified as such and only by themselves.
At the same time, there are people who went into and were held in tratment for almost 5 years, so I have nothing but an 8th grade education in my juvenile years, I missed out on the life experiences that are required by ourminds, bodies and souls to mature. Speaking about living sober for 5 years is different from being out of treatment for 2 weeks and staying sober (straight if you insist). We can only grow fromour experiences. Wisdom is gained through trial & error in life. It is not acheived by preventing people from making their own errors and mistakes. Whats worse is to tell someone that if they make a mistake, that without question, they will relapse, be miserable & die. That begins to set the stage for devastation...
In KIDS the message to me was clearly, if you leave you may do drugs, but you will DEFINATELY kill yourself. they went as far as to have a psychiatrist (name mentioned upon private request only) diagnose me as absolutely crazy to convince me & my parents to stay when I was signing out. That doctor has since apologized publicly and privately for that false diagnosis and has assured me that I was okay, just reacting to my incarceration in KIDS like anyone else.
If you tell someone that if they screw up, then they are doomed to use, get high and die and you are their therapist, then you have some fucking balls! The liability for planting that single seed in someone's head is unlimited and whether they do or do not off themselves, you as a therapist should be castrated for telling a paitient something so outlandish, untrue and damaging.
People are supposed to make mistakes and do the wrong thing. If theyt didn't would they be human? When Adam & Eve ate that forbidden fruit was God pissed? Yeah! Did he decide to end the human race, hell no! If we cannot make mistakes then we are subject to try & live perfect. Being human, we lack the ability to be perfect so we are doomed for failure. If this failure is automatically given programmed consequences of "copping out, hurting myself, getting high and killing myself" then the person prescribing that thought process should absolutely be brought up on charges, murder if it applies. The reasoning is simple:
Therapy is supposed to help people and it requires a great deal of trust on the patient's part of the therapist. "HOLD ON!!!! HOLD THE PRESS!!! Did I say anywhere that if a patient kills themself that its the therapist's fault? Please don't EVER let me say or insinuate that!
Patient must trust therapist. Therapist gives patient guidance & suggestions and helps patient take a new look at their life experiences. If the therapist uses that sacred TRUST and manipulates the patient to believe things that would be considered unreasonable or untrue and it causes the patient to kill themself, then we have another story... HANG ON, I'm not done yet...
To tell young people that doing drugs is bad, is a good thing. To tell people that doing drugs MAY cause their life to become unmanageable is very accurate. To tell people that if they ever leave treatment they will not ever be STRAIGHT to real standards. To make young people believe that AA doesn't work and that they will be doomed to fail because it is too weak. To make them internalize the concept that without this magic rehab then I'm doomed to OD on drugs and die or kill myself (see KIDS 1st step- unmanageables...).
This is out - fucking - rageous. It is totally false and has no basis for being true outside of a controlled enviroment. To make people believe this false totalitarian message is homocide in my opinion and yes, I have no problem of establishing a case for EVERY single patient that took their own life out of KIDS. It is the planting of a seed of self destruction that confuses people who leave these programs. Ultimately they can't be in there forever, so you mean to tell me that they lack the ability to live productive and healthy lives without AARC or KIDS?
Sorry to disappoint anyone, but that stregnth comes from within, not from outside. While powerless over drugs, it is insane to insinuate that people are powerless over changing their lives "without the magic of rehab." If that was so, then why have so many millions before these programs been saved from the insanity of their addictions? It is because of the pure, untwisted and original message of AA. Not the NEW steps.
I think that this is a desecration of sacred AA principles. Who the FUCK is anyone to rewrite the steps? Who the fuck is anyone to tell kids where they will end up? Who the fuck is anyone to say that their way is the only was and without death is near? These are the questions that are relevant, not who gets blamed for Brian's suicide.
Jeff
