***Just because Lexi was molested, that doesn't give her the right to screw up her life.
Guess what? It?s not your place to make that judgment. It?s not useful and doesn't accurately describe reality. This is precisely one of the key attitudes that should change. It appears that the masses believe that when people are acting recklessly and hurting themselves that they are doing so consciously. It has not a thing to do with her having the ?right? to screw up her life. I?m sure she?d much rather be at peace.
If you can?t respect the challenges and understand that motivations behind ?self-destructive? behavior are subconscious, you shouldn?t be in the ?helping? field.
It's a major flaw with the so-called philosophy and ?treatment? in these BM warehouses.
Just curious, what?s it to you? Why is it so important to you that she NOT have the RIGHT to screw up her life- as you interpret it?
My son did a lot of ?destructive? things when he returned from the program that he hadn?t done before- self mutilating, devil worshipping, smoking, drinking, wearing anarchy t-shirts, parrot green hair, black finger nails, chains, army boots. Regarding his appearance, which was down played?. he finally figured out, ?It was his safety blanket?. He had been so hurt and traumatized that he trusted no one. He wanted to repel people. I could?ve lectured him till the cows come home. I could?ve forced him to dress differently. And I would?ve been just another authority figure telling him not to FEEL and act and dress the way he felt. He wanted/needed to be in control. HE decided when it was safe to take it off- when it repelled people that he wanted to be close to. That took time and lots of listening on my part. And honestly, I was kinda glad. It does get old, smiling at people in pubic when they are gawking at your kid.
Many parents/?helpers? don?t allow kids the process, to come to things on their own. They don?t trust that they can or will. Too often it is about their need to boost their own egos with the notion that they ?saved? the kid.
These programs are less about building self esteem and more about teaching kids to defer to authority, and how to act. Any good that could come from them is missed due the unnecessarily abusive methods.
Let?s take the scene with Shawn. He?s already carrying more than his share of supplies but is guilt tripped into doing more- filling water bottles. I thought his argument was reasonable. Staff interpreted it for the audience as a reluctance to ?take responsibility?. His arguments may not always be reasonable, but that one was. It seemed to me to be the best scenario they could contrive to ?address his issue? of not contributing. Pretty lame. Why contrive a situation? If he genuinely has an ?issue? with not contributing it most certainly would come up in due course. But then if it didn?t, it might spoil the plot. I imagine that they probably choreographed scenarios for each of the kids. And I don?t believe for a minute that, as Glacier said, the staff knew nothing of ?why? the kids were there- their ?issues?.
Did you hear Shawn parrot what the counselor had fed him? His problems stemmed from- fear of acceptance due to being adopted. Well excuse me, that might very well be the case, but it would mean a hell of a lot more and be cleaner if he had been allowed to come to that realization on his own. Instead, he has another ?authority figure? telling him WHAT his issues are and how he should THINK about them and ACT.
Fear of acceptance? perhaps it?s different for all those in program land, but it?s my belief that kids/people don?t fear being accepted by their family for no good reason. Did you hear what his adopted father said? ?I don?t care if he?s cold?. It wasn?t a tone of acceptance. Sounded like resentment to me. And what IF, Shawn doesn?t feel accepted for good reason? Now, will he go back and just ?accept? their inability to accept him? I can?t help but imagine that this is the real goal and very possibly the case.
***You people have no idea what these parents have tried.
I did hear Jada?s mom say the she just couldn?t listen to her daughter talk about her sexual encounters. Now that?s some damn good modeling for your child. Sex is bad, I can?t talk about it, I can?t listen to your experience. Did it ever occur to you that kids are constantly checking to see what their parents are made of. To see if they are really present. Really invested in their well being. Hell, to see if they're even real. I?d give up too if my parent was such an apathetic, narcissistic wimp. I?d like to take that mom to the wilderness for 90+ days and hike her in freezing weather. The whole time talking about sex and where/when she developed her unnatural and unrealistic beliefs. I?d require her to talk about nothing but sex until she was deprogrammed. Perhaps when she got home she?d appreciate her daughter?s attempt at intimacy.
And the expression on Flying Eagle?s face when he was ?counseling? the kids, particularly Frank. If my therapist looked that concerned and overly invested in MY ?issues?, I?d run like hell. He looked like he was in pain or fear, or both.
