On 2003-09-08 08:36:00, Carey wrote:
Maybe they [the parents] too should be held accountable for neglect.
I believe this is one of the primary reasons why most kids don't come rushing to the legal system when they first get out of a program. At least, it was the primary reason why I just said no to the HRS investigators when they asked if I wanted to pursue action against Straight.
I really wasn't mad at my parents over all of this. I thought they didn't get it (and they didn't) and I felt very sad and alone. But I had no interest whatever in punishing them or holding them accountable for what had happened. Part of that was plain confusion. I really wasn't sure who was right or wrong about what. All I knew for sure was that the program was very quickly making me crazy and I needed desperately to get out of that environment and to be safe from ever being sent back. I needed time to think and that would not have been possible if I'd jumped onto one side or another of this big legal brawl. And I damned sure wasn't about to play a role in helping all these various people use my parents to further their various agendas.
Remember that the kids who've just gotten out have no idea who any of us are. They haven't been allowed to keep up with the news and events of the day on any topic and most of them are not at all sure what they really think. They haven't been allowed to form their own opinions or draw their own conclusions about anything for a long while.
Karen, in the other thread you're asking kids who've been there to tell you how they feel about their parents now. I doubt you'll get any response at all from them, though I suspect some of the anon posts might be from those folks.
And the parents are in substantially the same situation. That's why, 20 years after the fact, I'm all for any legal or journalistic action that anyone wants
voluntarily to pursue against an abusive program. It still brings tears to my eyes every time I find out about a parent who wises up and decides to take their kids' side. But I know I'm not in a position to tell anyone what they should or shouldn't do in that regard.
And I honestly don't think new laws or legal sanctions, in themselves, will make any big difference. It's not asif we're dealing with people who respect the law. They break the law every day, lie about it and use bribery, threats, intimidation, slap suits and other types of coercion and to cover their crimes.
I think the underlying problem is that there's a broad market demand for these types of services. They call their services "Help for troubled teens". What are they promising to help the teens to do? Essentially, they see teenagers who are unhappy with and unwilling to accept the way teens are treated as a problem. The way I see it, if a substantial number of teens are unhappy with the way they're treated and unwilling to go along with what we've got planned for them, there's probably something wrong with our plans for them. It's not asif just a few of them feel this way. It's an overwhelming majority.
And it's not just the teens, either. Aparently, judging by trends in advertising, there is a substantial market for adults who can't stand the company of their communities and will buy rather expensive pills to mute their anxieties so they can go through the motions of having a social life.
One theme keeps coming up over and over again in all of these discussions about the various programs (the Program, by any other name, would smell just as rancid). The world is different now. Times are changing. That's true.
When our parents were setting out to be parents, we'd just won WWII and they had every reason to believe their sacrifices would result in great promise and opportunity for us. If they could get us to just work hard, stay out of trouble, guard our reputations and pursue our dreams, we'd land up prosperous, happy and proud.
Now it's our turn. Can you honestly look your kid in the eye and tell them to go along with the school locker searches, metal detectors, DARE programs, 1-800-BE-A-SNITCH anonymous tip hotlines and all that entails? Can you promise them that just following orders and doing everything that's expected of them will result in a successful, happy and prosperous future? Can you tell them that our leaders are good, honest, forthright and moral people who they should respect? Can you honestly tell your own son that it is a good and nobel and honorable thing to go to Columbia or Iraq as a soldier to kill and die for the American Way and that all of their friends who would rather go dance at a rave are evil and bad?
They're not buying it. They're angry with the way things are going and doing everything they can to subvert the process by which we, as a society, try to force them into playing their part in it all. THAT is the "problem" that the Program seeks to correct. The real problem is not with the kids who are trying to escape.
The real problem is that we are not doing a very good job of helping kids figure out a better way. Program dogma, requires that we force them into the one path that we've chosen for them by creating intolerable artificial consequences for every other possible option. We need to quit doing that.
We're the grown ups now. We're the parents. It's our job to give our kids everything they need until they are able to get it for themselves. It's not our job to police them to make sure they're puruing John Ashcroft's dream or living up the the expectations of the cop hired to deliver the DARE program. It's our job to pass on the best of what our parents had to offer us, even if (especially if) the schoolpeople are trying hard to beat that out of them. It's their job to figure out what's worth passing on to their own kids and to improve on our work.
"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."
"Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?"
--Hobbs to Calvin
