I am the OP. I am a troll, and I am not. My story is true. My daughter really did these things. Yes, she would still get away. Yes, despite my best efforts, she got out. Only this was several years ago.
Here is what happened.
We went to therapy, when I could get her to go. The therapists told me different things to do and I did each of them. None of those things mattered one bit. She continued.
At one point she cut herself and I was so happy/sad because I thought that would be the ticket to get her into a mental hospital for treatment. It was not to be. They would take her in the hospital...for $20,000 up front. I did not have mental health coverage for inpatient so that's what they wanted. I didn't have it, they sent her home. The $20K was for them to keep her a week. One week is all they would do to "stabelize" her, then out she goes.
I called the police on her several times. They sometimes took her overnight, but always made me (under threat of my own arrest) pick her up the next day. She was not breaking the law so they would not keep her. When they did pick her up, it was for "runaway" when she was out without permission. They don't prosecute runaways...it's a statutory offense...not chargeable.
As far as a comprehensive community based treatment...there was and is none available. There is NO treatment in my community for a kid like this.
I tried getting an IEP. I couldn't afford a lawyer (who might have made it happen). I did the best I could with the school district, filed appeals and all...no luck, turned down, with no recourse.
Meanwhile, my child is going to die. I know you all say "deadinsaneorinjail" like it's a figment of a parents imagination and maybe sometimes it is, but this child...my child....was in grave danger.
So here is a parent with a child in desperate need of help and no one to help. Schools, police, I even tried child protective services (she was in need of protection, right), therapists, psychiatrists...nada, nothing, zilch.
My other kids are living in hell. I find scumbag MEN under my daughter's bed at night (yes I called the cops). I find criminals sneaking INTO my house. I am screamed at, cussed at, called names. She steals her siblings money, anything she can sell. She calls them names, she screams at them.
This is the truth. This is the situation that many parents and children find themselves in. Huge, horrible problems...and no help available...except for programs. So yes, that is what happened. I sent her away after myself and several other family members pooled our resources to pay for it.
Sending my kid away caused damage. Yes it did. She did not trust me for a long, long time. She had runaway and was on the streets for over a week, when I told a bunch of lies to get her to come home long enough for the escorts to grab her. That is the last time I ever lied to my kid. It took a long time for her to get over that lie, but I countered it by always, always, always telling her the truth. She trust me today, without a second thought and that's good because I won't ever lie to her again, but I'm glad I did it that time. I truly believe that getting her off the streets saved her life and I simply was not able to keep her off the streets. I COULD NOT.
My point is....
there are no options. Whether or not programs are good or bad, there are no other options for many parents and children.
Mental hospitals might seem good, but most are acute care facilities and keep kids for a few days, not hardly long enough to solve the problems we had. The "long-term" hospitals would keep her a week or two. Mental hospitals are there for the mentally ill. Their job (as they see it) is to find the right meds and get the kid on them. To this day, my daughter does not have a mental illness. She was diagnosed with this and that, put on this med or that med and none of that made any difference.
OK...so get to the point.
What are all you doing to see that there are other options? Ranting and raving about programs doesn't create options. How are you encouraging communities to create comprehensive help? How are you teaching people to build these things? How are you HELPING the kids, like mine, who need help, but can't find it?
Turn your anger to good use. Put it towards building something good, rather than just tearing down something that is not so good.
Today my daughter is ok. She is not self-destructive, does not engage in dangerous behavior and we have a great relationship. Part of that, most of that, is just that she grew up. Programs allowed her to do that in safety and allowed us (her family) to have something of a normal life at home. They kept her safe long enough for her to have the chance to grow up and I got the chance to change some things about how I parented her. She was not abused, but it still caused damage, but not as much as she was causing herself. I wish there had been a different way.
Focus on making a different way, please?
