i really don't have any fond memories of my time in str8. i was basically under siege for the 23 months that i spent on my phases. i have never felt so alone, isolated and forsaken in my life as i felt while i endured their daily assaults on my mind, body and spirit. Their crimes against me are too many to count.
Havin' said that, there is one thing that str8 did give me that is good, and that is the ability to look within myself for the answers to my questions. i will attempt to put my thoughts on this subject into words for you now but please keep in mind that the words are not adequate to communicating what is in my mind, perhaps a painting, or a sculpture or a cloud driftin' by would be a more accurate expression.
Str8 taught me that i was not the clothes that i wore or the words i spoke or the way i combed my hair, or the possessions that i owned. Nor am i the thoughts that i think or the beliefs which i hold. These things were all taken from me in order that i might be made vulnerable and weak and defenseless against their invasion of my mind. Their motives were criminal, and their karma will be heavy, but in stripping me of every attachment to my ego, they taught me to observe the workings of my own mind. This is a spiritual place. This is why monks leave the world and give up all their worldly possessions to go live in caves high up on mountains in the desert, so that they may know themselves. Socrates teaches: "know thyself". i have pondered the meaning of his statement for years. i am not sure but what i think he is gettin' at is that when you know yourself then you begin to recognize the way in which you project your own thoughts and ideas onto the world around you. As long as you don't know yourself then you are living in a world of self delusion and cannot, therefore, know the world as it truly is. When someone who doesn't know themselves looks at the world all they see is a reflection of themselves and not the world as it is at all. i think that this has something to do with Socrates' statement. i think that str8 unwittingly helped me to understand socrates' teaching.
Str8s' intentions in stripping me of all attachment to my ego was to tear down my own personal identity so that they could then re-build my personality in any way that they wanted. This is wrong because it was not something i chose to do myself of my own free will, but something that i was forced to do through coercion and intimidation. They usurped my right to self-dtermination. They had no right to treat me in this way. i bear many scars and have unhealed wounds to this day.
There are many spiritual teachings whose message is: transcend the ego. Buddhism goes so far as to teach that even the idea of the self is simply an illusion. That is not to say that we don't exist, but that we are free of any attachment to the ego if only we could see clearly what it is. If only we could recognize ourselves as an illusion we would know truth and beauty and freedom and not be chained down to identifyin' ourselves as our possessions or our experiences or our beliefs.
It seems to me that str8 has helped me to be able to begin to see myself more clearly, and so the world. i am not what they tried to make me into. i smoke ganja, drink alcohol, engage in pre-marital sex and have little respect for authority(just enough to try to stay outta jail). If i had sought out these truths of my own free will i would be a monk or at least a pilgrim on the path. And in a way that is what i am. In studyin' religion and mythology and philosophy it is imperative to have the skills which enable oneself to look within. As i stated earlier str8s' motives were self serving and therefore criminal, and there will be heavy karma for the perpetrators of those crimes to bear, but i have discovered a tool in the midst of their oppression against me, that has helped me beyond what i can convey in words, to begin to see clearly the truth of all things.
i am not free from attachment to my own ego. i carry karma of my own. i am not the Buddha or Christ, i am a livin' man.
In Peace.
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If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end. People are not commodities. When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.[ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-08-16 15:59 ][ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-08-16 16:23 ][ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-08-16 16:32 ][ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-08-16 16:35 ]
