So what DOES work?

[Dr Phil]

Terry, this is not a good forum for advice.  Go to www.strugglingteens.org    You will be helped by compassionate parents instead of angry freaks.

Always a buck to be made, eh?  ::noway::

[Anonymous]

"Take the boatload of money that you're spending to have them 'reformed' and take them on a six month trip to Europe, or a cross country road trip. Find out what your kid is truly interested in or passionate about and spend the money encouraging that. ANd don't tell me their only interest is in screwing around. Everyone has something that they dream of doing. Say he likes motocross bikes. Get him the best one and get him into racing. Send them to a marine biology school in the Keys or Bahamas (a REAL school, not a TBS or some shit like Casa). Spend the time and money you would on shipping them off and use it to foster and feed what feeds their soul."

God, you are so stupid.  The above translates into, "reward your kid for terrorizing your household and breaking every law and rule by finding new ways to spoil him rotten."

God you're so stupid.  The above translates into, "punish your kid for what they've done.  No need to try and find out what's wrong or find a way to help them find their passion so that can take the place of the destructive behavior.  Nope. PUNISH the little bastards!!

 :roll:  :roll:  :roll:  :roll:  :roll:

[Anonymous]

Terry, this is not a good forum for advice.  Go to www.strugglingteens.org    You will be helped by compassionate parents instead of angry freaks.

Terry, even though Fornits can be nasty, there is a lot of good information here and nothing is ever censored.  At Struggling Teens you'll get a one sided view.  They allow no dissenting opinions and delete or ban anyone who doesn't agree with them.

[Anonymous]

And Outlaw makes an excellent point.  Struggling Teens is run by Lon Woodbury.  There's great incentive there in talking you into shipping your kid off.

[Anonymous]

Terry, this is not a good forum for advice.  Go to www.strugglingteens.org    You will be helped by compassionate parents instead of angry freaks.

At least the ST people are free to come over here and post their opinions.  You can get both sides of the issues here.  No one has banned them, they're free to post what they think.  The difference here is that people are free to challenge what they say.  That's how you find out the truth, seeing both sides.  How can you find any truth if ST censors anything that doesn't fit in with their philosophy?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I did read Outlaw's advice after I had already posted and found it very comforting.... more like my "gut feelings" about this situation and how it should be handled.

I don't agree that I should take the $60K and take him on a run thru Europe for 6 months.  That money would have come out of his college fund, my retirement funds and insurance....not the money tree out in the back yard.  I prefer to keep those funds where they are.

I've been around message boards enough to recognize serious posters who are wanting to help as opposed to "angry freaks". I would prefer more compassion, reasonable perspectives and less anger, but I am glad I found this site.   You have to understand that I am pretty fragile right now myself.....just *barely* holding it together.

Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I did read Outlaw's advice after I had already posted and found it very comforting.... more like my "gut feelings" about this situation and how it should be handled.

I don't agree that I should take the $60K and take him on a run thru Europe for 6 months.  That money would have come out of his college fund, my retirement funds and insurance....not the money tree out in the back yard.  I prefer to keep those funds where they are.

I've been around message boards enough to recognize serious posters who are wanting to help as opposed to "angry freaks". I would prefer more compassion, reasonable perspectives and less anger, but I am glad I found this site.   You have to understand that I am pretty fragile right now myself.....just *barely* holding it together.

Thanks again.

I understand completely.  And the Europe thing was just a suggestion, more of an example of an alternative to shipping them off.  And also more directed at the ST people who seem to have endless funds to pay to these psychos at the TBS and RTCs.  Finding what drives them, what their passion is and fostering that was more my point.

My daughter scared the shit out of me for about 3 years.  It ain't easy by any means.  When I was trying to force changes in her behavior, it just got worse.  That doesn't mean I babied and spoiled her, quite the opposite.  When she screwed up I let the natural consequence take its course.  I watched her, paid attention to what was important to her.  It was hard to find under all the drugs and running loose, but if you really pay attention you'll see it.  I did end up sending her to a marine biology camp for the summer.  She was away from the environment of the shithead boyfriend and the friends that weren't going anywhere or doing anything.  She was immersed in something that she was truly interested in.  This wasn't a school for troubled kids in any way, just kids who were interested in marine biology.  She came back with a different perspective.  She saw a different way of dealing with life.  She still had troubles after that but seemed more able to realize herself that she was heading for trouble and eventually learned what she did and didn't want for herself.  Forcing her to change never worked.  Giving her the opportunity to find her passion did.

I'm glad you can pick through the posts here.  There really is a lot of great information.  Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

If the hair follicle tests aren't showing anything, he's probably not on anything. Odds are he was experimenting, because nobody is going to be doing all those drugs at once.

Terry, does HE have a computer, Internet access, an online identity perhaps? When I said to let him read Fornits for a while I wasn't joking. I think his outlook might be expanded a bit if he realized that there's a lot of people out there out to make money off his problems, and another group of people to stop this from happening. Maybe you should get him on this thread. If nothing else, it proves conclusively that you really do care about his future and what's going to happen to him.

Terry's son: Your mom was > < THIS close to sending you to a place you really, really don't want to go to, a private prison where you'd be brutalized in ways not normally found outside a Stephen King book; I'm not called the Milk Gargling Death Penalty for nothing. There are a lot of people out there interested in messing you up for their own gain. Don't do anything stupid enough to let that happen.

[Deborah]

http://wwf.fornits.com/viewtopic.php?p= ... weil#19911

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrew_Weil
Weil is open about his past use of illegal substances, claiming, "I think I've tried about every drug," in [his book] From Chocolate to Morphine. He is equally open with his views on ending the War on Drugs, citing the benefits of many banned plants. In fact, the opening paragraph of From Chocolate to Morphine reads: "Drugs are here to stay. History teaches that it is vain to hope that drugs will ever disappear and that any effort to eliminate them from society is doomed to failure."

Weil claims that humans have an innate need to alter their consciousness, and that there is no such thing as good or bad drugs, merely that some individuals have good or bad relationships with certain substances.

http://www.doitnow.org/pages/weil.html
http://www.drugpolicy.org/library/bookstore/weil2.cfm
http://home.earthlink.net/~mmales/yt-euro.htm

[Anonymous]

Now now Deb.  We can't have any common sense thrown into the mix.

 :wink:  

[Anonymous]

There is no comparison between Fornits and Struggling Teens when it comes to getting both sides of the story, Fornits wins hands down.

People here are compassionate and not afraid to defend the rights of children to be free from abusive treatment in the name of "therapy".  That's not anti-program or anti-parent.  That's pro-child.  

Any parent who cares about their child will do due-diligence and soon discover that the troubled teen industry is a multi-billion dollar UNREGULATED business.  Unregulated means unsafe.

It's really just that simple.

BUYER BEWARE.

Work with a family therapist who is trained in multisystemic therapy.  Don't give up on your kid and send him away.  Kids don't need to be banished to some "program" that promises to fix them like they are a broken piece of machinery.

Good luck and thanks for caring about your child enough to find Fornits.  I wish you and your family all the best!

Anonymouse

P.S. If you do decide to pursue out-of-the-home placement, make sure you check it out thoroughly, and I do mean THOROUGHLY.  Do not go through a referral service who gets paid a "finders fee" by the programs they refer to.  That's a red flag.  There are some good checklists/guidelines out there you can use to do the job yourself.  The org below is one of the best in terms of providing information and resources for parents.  They are not a referral company, they are a watchdog group.

http://www.isaccorp.org

[Anonymous]

If this is not a troll, my only advice and what works - age.  Simple as that.  It isn't something you can rush either.  I did the frantic parent thing with my son.  My husband drove him down to Bethel Boys Academy, Lucedale, MS.  aka Pine View Academy.  Run by a wonderful Christian named Father Fountain.  (this man beats and tortures the children regularly all in the name of GOD).  My husband and son toured the place together, talked with counselors and older students.  My son wanted to stay there.  We rescued him 3 1/2 days later based on horrible abuse allegations I found on the internet surrounding this place and the owner, Fountain.  My son had been brutally beaten for a half hour by four grown men within 10 minutes of my husband leaving.  Tortured, starved, forced to urinate on himself, etc.
My son had to want better for his life.  It didn't matter that his dad and I wanted better for him.  We were finally ready to let him suffer any and all consequences from his behavior.  He is now 18 and works with a drug enforcement officer training bomb and drug detection K-9's.  He loves to joke around that he still messes with the drugs .........only in a positive way.  But again, he had to decide he wanted better.  Maturity cures all.  LOL

Cheryle
***My son was ABUSED & TORTURED at Bethel Boys Academy, Lucedale, MS. aka Pine View Academy (owner John Fountain)

[Anonymous]

Now now Cheryle.  We can't have any MORE common sense thrown into the mix.
 :wink:  


Glad to hear he's doing well.

[Anonymous]

Terry, this is not a good forum for advice.  Go to www.strugglingteens.org    You will be helped by compassionate parents instead of angry freaks.

Always a buck to be made, eh?  ::noway::

Ain't that the truth?

 ::rocker::

[Anonymous]

That money would have come out of his college fund, my retirement funds and insurance.....

Where would it come from if you sent him to a TBS?  No difference.  If you're willing to spend it on some TBS why not a trip to Europe.  He and you would get a lot more out of that than some behavior mod place.