So what DOES work?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I admit -- I'm a troubled parent.  I've never raised a teenager before and it's scaring the hell out of me.  I only want him to have a shot at happiness and a whole life, not to end up in jail, without an education, homeless, hopeless, whatever.....  and that's where I see him heading.  I'm willing to do anything and everything to help him.  I've been researching TBS's and have an appt with an independent educational consultant in 3 weeks.  We live in a major metropolitan city with reasonable resources.  

My son is 16, failing school, doing drugs (painkillers, mj, inhalants, xanax, coke...that we know of), is defiant, hot-tempered, depressed and has threatened suicide.  He's recently been enrolled in a non-profit teenage drug abuse program (but still doing drugs) and we have an appt. with a psychiatrist next week.

So you guys tell me, what DOES work???

[Covergaard]

Consult with your family and arrange for a couple of you to take your son out in nowhere, where you can talk person - to - person and try to find out whatever the reason for his drug abuse is.

Make sure that you are totally isolated. No car. (Get someone to remove it.) No mobilephone, he can use.

There is always a reason hidden somewhere. A tiny detail like sexualitet, not feeling wanted, difficulties with being a part of a group etc. may have triggered him into doing drugs. You have to be openminded and accept if your boy wants boys instead of girls.

If he is a part of a program, that doesn't work he is at a point where he had accepted that he is drug user. That is good, because you can not go anywhere with a person that does not accept his problem.

A major problem is that it take 2 or 3 weeks for him to get the drugs out of his system. That is the time it takes before his answers is not influenced by the drugs.

There is programs outthere that knows that and are ready to dig deep in our pocket and treat your boy like trash during this time. They don't need to work with your son. They just have to wait and claim the result when he is detoxed.

It is your choice if you will outsource this process or you will do it yourself and be able to talk with your son in 2 or 3 weeks.

[Anonymous]

First off, virtually all educational consultants will place your child in some program, whether he needs it or not...that is their job and how they make a living. The majority of them are not independent at all and pander to various (for profit) programs and organizations. Do the research, the connections are fairly easy to find if want to spend a little time. Wy don't you take the money you would spend on a residential program and take your son on the trip of his dreams, anywhere in the world. It would be much less expensive and 10 times more productive. He just needs to get away from his creepy little friends for a while and re-connect with his family and himself. What he does not need, is to be incarcerated and treated like an idiot.

[Anonymous]

If the inhalants don't work, I'm at a loss.  Whipped cream cans and airplane glue saved my ass.

[Troll Control]

Yes, I admit -- I'm a troubled parent.  I've never raised a teenager before and it's scaring the hell out of me.  I only want him to have a shot at happiness and a whole life, not to end up in jail, without an education, homeless, hopeless, whatever.....  and that's where I see him heading.  I'm willing to do anything and everything to help him.  I've been researching TBS's and have an appt with an independent educational consultant in 3 weeks.  We live in a major metropolitan city with reasonable resources.  

My son is 16, failing school, doing drugs (painkillers, mj, inhalants, xanax, coke...that we know of), is defiant, hot-tempered, depressed and has threatened suicide.  He's recently been enrolled in a non-profit teenage drug abuse program (but still doing drugs) and we have an appt. with a psychiatrist next week.

So you guys tell me, what DOES work???

sounds like it's time for a 30-day drug rehab to stabilize this kid.

after that, family and individual therapy is in order.

DO NOT use an "Ed-Con"!  These people are nothing more than front-men for programs.

it's time for you to do the hard work here, buddy.  a "program" will do nothing more than cause more hostility and push back the problem for however long the program is.  in a year or two you'll have the same mess on your hands again, but with more rage directed at you for stealing his teen-age years and locking him up.

[Anonymous]

Wow, your kid is on painkillers AND Xanax? Weed AND coke? With some glue sniffing mixed in?

I call troll. Your kid would have to be Ripper (Ripper WAS a gangster!!!) for this to be real.

But just in case this is real, instead of paying untold amounts of cash to send him to hell, find out where the hell he's getting these, and call the cops on his suppliers.

Does HE know what kind of place you're about to send him to? Does HE know that's he's about to be taken to an abuse pit? Have him read Fornits for a while- that'll straighten him out..

[Anonymous]

Yes, I admit -- I'm a troubled parent.  I've never raised a teenager before and it's scaring the hell out of me.  I only want him to have a shot at happiness and a whole life, not to end up in jail, without an education, homeless, hopeless, whatever.....  and that's where I see him heading.  I'm willing to do anything and everything to help him.  I've been researching TBS's and have an appt with an independent educational consultant in 3 weeks.  We live in a major metropolitan city with reasonable resources.  

My son is 16, failing school, doing drugs (painkillers, mj, inhalants, xanax, coke...that we know of), is defiant, hot-tempered, depressed and has threatened suicide.  He's recently been enrolled in a non-profit teenage drug abuse program (but still doing drugs) and we have an appt. with a psychiatrist next week.

So you guys tell me, what DOES work???

Some good advice was already given, though I don't know that I'd try taking him out to "nowhere" for a few weeks to detox is something you should do yourself.  Good wilderness "programs" [yes, programs} do that sure, but they do much more, including some issue-specific counseling and discussions, workbooks, and psych sessions.  And the more is important to the process.

Actually, the "best" approach depends on his history.  Is drug use recent?  Different "friends"?  How long have there been problems?  What else has gone on in his life since a year or two before the problems were noted?

In the end, a time to detox and have some guidance is in order, as is family involvement in therapy/counseling.  But more may be in order as well - it depends on what the roots are and how long they've been growing.  And not all ed-cons are bad.

[Programmie-Trans 9000]

Some good advice was already given, though I'm here to counteract anyone trying to cut into my employer's profit margin. The people I work for will completely ignore what your kid may or may not actually need, but they do something else, including forcing him to lay face down for eight hours at a time on solid concrete, force him to stand in manure for an hour and a half, and LGAT brainwashing seminars. And those are all important to our sadistic desires.

Actually, the "best" approach depends on how easy he is to control. Is he going to brutally murder you after he gets out? Do I really care what happens then? Does he have any experience in being tortured? Is he using drugs because he's mentally running away from you?

In the end, a family-destroying abuse camp is in order, as is brutalization and destruction of his soul. But more may be in order as well - it depends on your pocketbook and not much else. And not all ed-cons are bad, except the ones that refer to hellholes.. oh wait, that's all of them.

[MightyAardvark]

Deleted

[Deborah]

http://ishmael.com/Education/Writings/rice_u_2_98.shtml
http://www.isaccorp.org/warningsigns.asp
http://wwf.fornits.com/viewtopic.php?p= ... ion#213438
http://wwf.fornits.com/viewtopic.php?p= ... tive#21702
http://wwf.fornits.com/viewtopic.php?p= ... sion#23852
http://wwf.fornits.com/viewtopic.php?p= ... tive#23855
http://www.postinstitute.com/articles/a ... iormod.htm
http://wwf.fornits.com/viewtopic.php?p= ... tive#79171

[Anonymous]

anyone that calls themselves an ed con is using the title because they don't have any real credentials. I would strongly suggest avoiding the advice of such people

Wow, for once I agree with MightyAardvark!!!

[Covergaard]

Some good advice was already given, though I don't know that I'd try taking him out to "nowhere" for a few weeks to detox is something you should do yourself.  Good wilderness "programs" [yes, programs} do that sure, but they do much more, including some issue-specific counseling and discussions, workbooks, and psych sessions.  And the more is important to the process.

Actually, the "best" approach depends on his history.  Is drug use recent?  Different "friends"?  How long have there been problems?  What else has gone on in his life since a year or two before the problems were noted?

In the end, a time to detox and have some guidance is in order, as is family involvement in therapy/counseling.  But more may be in order as well - it depends on what the roots are and how long they've been growing.  And not all ed-cons are bad.

The problem with using a program is that it is so hard to find a program that would set the welfare of your child first before their income. All too often they would recommend another program after the first one and the treatment needed is limited to your wallet instead of your son´s need.

And you also had to take into consideration that you by sending your child away adds a trauma. If the original cause for his drug use is the often groundless feeling of being abandoned, you would worsen the problem by sending him away.

Perhaps if there was a kind of father-son program where you both ends up in nowhere under professional guidance, you could avoid this very serious problem.

But as I see the market for detox program in your country, it is grab bag where firms makes a huge profit based on the ordeal of the children and their parents wallet.

[Anonymous]

I think you're not a real parent and are trolling for flames.  However, I'll answer the question for argument's sake.

Send him to a 30 day detox program -- one that also serves adults, if you can find one.  And I mean twenty and thirty something adults.  They may separate adolescents from the twenty and thirty somethings, but it should be substantially the same procedures and services for both groups.

If that doesn't work, send him to a different 30 day detox program.  You have three basic kinds: education based, 12 step, and aversion.

Aversion is usually a very short thing--like less than a week.

If one kind doesn't work for him, try the next kind.  Keep going with 30 day or so rehabs, bring him home, see if it "took", send him back if necessary, etc., until one of them takes.

Don't go for anything over 100 days for drug abuse, not under any circumstances, and make sure you try one of each kind of the 30 day or shorter rehabs first.

Resign yourself to him having to go back and make up his education, in the form of a GED and remedial courses at the local junior college, after he grows up and matures enough to want it.

Once a kid gets to 16 or so, you really can't make them learn.  They have to choose it for themselves before they can get an education.

Now, about the suicide threats and apparent depression:  That's the most serious problem the kid has.  That's the one that could kill him.  

Either the kid has a biological mental health problem that is causing the drug abuse and school failure, or the drug abuse is causing the depressed feelings and the suicide threats.  Drugs like meth, and xanax, can have a very hard "down" when someone comes off them.  They can make a user feel depressed or suicidal even when there is no underlying mental illness.

So first you get him through detox so his system is clean and the drugs aren't bouncing his mood all over the place, and then when he's towards the end of the rehab when you know for sure he's not taking illicit drugs, have a good psychiatrist examine him and see if he's going through an episode of depression for some reason or has a mood disorder (major depression, bipolar disorder), or a personality disorder, or whatever.

If it turns out that he has a major mental illness, chances are that's causing all his other problems.  Take care of that, and it becomes a lot easier to address the other stuff.  Don't take care of that, and you don't have a prayer with the other stuff.

For a major mental illness, if they can't get him stabilized within the three weeks or so a regular mental hospital would be willing to try, and if he's still actively a danger to himself or others, then and only then you might have to put him in a reputable, medical model RTC while they try him on different meds and different combinations of meds until they can get him stabilized.

If he's mentally ill and they can get him stabilized at least enough not to be dangerous, then you need to consult with the psychiatrist and use the least restrictive care setting in which the psychiatrist says he can appropriately be treated.

People with mood disorders can change constantly, so the least restrictive setting today may be too restrictive or not restrictive enough tomorrow.

If it turns out that he's mentally ill, get in touch with NAMI or CABF--they have resources that can help you educate yourself and learn to cope with caring for a mentally ill family member.

Julie
(I have bipolar disorder, a child with bipolar disorder, and a teenage foster daughter with PTSD--so I have a lot of experience coping both as a patient and as a parent.)

[Anonymous]

P.S. -- "I want you to" is Ginger-substitution for "*you*need*to*" -- I have to add the funky punctuation to avoid the substitution here.

It's occasionally awkward, but I know why she does it and I agree with her reasons. :-)

Julie

[Anonymous]

I'm reminded of some sage words my father said unto me when i was young and entering those turbulent years of experimentation:

"Son, I catch you out in the garage sniffing paint again, I'll kick your ass back into the fucking womb,"

If that isn't re-direction, I don't know what is.