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Messages - Mr. Pink's Attorney

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1
Elan School / Soft Scrub
« on: January 28, 2006, 05:33:00 PM »
From the Law Offices of Thompson, Duke, & Gonzo
Somewhere outside of Owl Farm #5, CO, USA:

My client wishes to express his sincere gratitude for all the laughs and chuckles he has recieved for free from this web forum, but regrets to inform certain key members of his inner circle that, due to the gayness level of the site reaching 54.3, he will be unable to participate any longer. We regret any inconvenience this may cause you, but I must refer you to Section 9 of his Fornits contract, which incidentally expired as of January 1, 2006.

In the meantime, my client will be on vacation at an undisclosed location, working on his tan and a forthcoming memoir, as well as allowing his brain, liver, and renal system to recover from a massive wormwood overdose, in order to prepare for his wedding to the beautiful and artfully talented Ms. Marisa Green.

Again, thanks for the laughs, the poorly crafted jibes against his sexuality, reputation, and financial status, along with many notable stories, elan-bot manuals, grizzly v. polar bear polls, and JNAILZ updates. He wishes each and all of you perverts, freaks, faggots, sluts, elderly, alcoholics, anorexics, child-pornographers, Mainers, injuns, niggers, Isuzu-driving-spics, overweight, foul smelling, diseased, herion-addicted, SyN, social rejects, criminally insane, terminally bored, damaged goods, low-IQ, no-chance-in-hell-of-getting-laid, facially deformed, Artman, hunchbacked, illiterate, hermaphroditic, LOSERS an unhappy, and monumentally unsuccesful life.

 :wave: toodles

-Mr Pink's Attorney
-Mr. Pink's Accountant
-Mr. White
&
-Mr. Pink

2
Elan School / New Car
« on: January 18, 2006, 10:24:00 PM »
From the Law Offices of Khazad-dum
44 Misty Mountain Road, Moria, Middle Earth;

Working under retainer for Mister Pink has afforded me many opportunities to meet and converse with a wide range of people from the criminally insane to the captains of industry. Having said that, the Elan Reporter is one of my favorite contacts in the murky world of underground investigative journalism. I have personally witnessed the Reporter fire many a shot in anger, both metaphorically, with his computer keyboard, and literally, with his bow and arrow. The Reporter, to my recollection, has never claimed to be human, rather a super-human bipedal being with far superior intellect and unrelenting outdoor reconnoitering talents, which allow him to spy on misbehaving injuns and mongolians so they may be brought to justice for their myriad perversions. In fact, over sixteen inditements are pending in U.S. Superior Court regarding some prominent induviduals in the Native American Casino industry, bringing me to ask (at the bequest of my client) if Marty has any ties with these sick pedophile redskins and their fecal tomahawks? To sate some concerns about my client, I can only assure that his absense is temporary, and he, as did General Macarthur before him did, will return...

In addendum, the Porsche is running great, and the charges were all dropped.

-Mr. Pink's Attorney

3
Elan School / New Car
« on: January 13, 2006, 01:10:00 PM »
My client wishes to illustrate some more examples of shitty jap cars that will get smoked by ZO6's:












No wonder General Motors is making so much money! why do they even bother to import these buckets of rice?

4
Elan School / Holy Damn... Take Notes People...
« on: January 13, 2006, 12:58:00 PM »
From the Law Offices at the Washington D.C. Hilton: Washington, District of Columbia:

I'm currently living in a hotel

-Mr. Pink's Attorney

5
Elan School / New Car
« on: December 27, 2005, 12:48:00 PM »
From  the Law Offices of Porsche Automotive;
#666 Autobahn, Bavaria, West Germany:

Bah! I own a 1984 Porsche 944, and will gladly call for a recess from court anytime to line up at a stoplight with this lawful jackass. As for my client, he becomes weary of anons and their imaginary friends and their fictional cars...
move along anon, nothing to see here...

-Mr. Pink's Attorney

6
Elan School / Recent pics of TAMAR!
« on: December 27, 2005, 12:37:00 PM »
From the Law Offices of Godiva Chocolates Inc.
#524 M&M Mars, Hackettstown, NJ:

I can assure you all my client's use of the word "penultimate" was correct, and the grammar police have been slapped with a hefty defamation lawsuit stemming from their unlawful arrest and detention of my client, Mr. Pink.

In response to a number of rather serious inqueries on the part of a number of plaintiffs, my client wishes to inform them, and the general public that he will not be leaving the Fornits Fora Forum for at least several more weeks, at which point he will most likely travel to the great state of Florida for some well-earned rest and relaxation with his beautiful fiancee.

As for Tamar, there is a fan club for humans, sub-humans, and elan graduates that have a fetish for skeletal remains with yet unrotted flesh and an *apparently* functioning renal system http://www.rotten.com

And that is all ye need to know

-Mr. Pink's Attorney

7
Elan School / AMEN!!!
« on: December 24, 2005, 01:14:00 AM »
From the Law Offices of Binder&Binder
#334 Front Way: Seattle, WA:

It pleases my client to such a great degree that he is unable to express himself, that his good colleague and friend was released from Elan Penitentiary at approximately 12:00AM on December the 24th today, and is about to make their way back into the reality that is life!.,..,... My client's comrade, who wishes to forever remain anonymous, signed him/herself out of the Elan Program/Robot Factory yesterday! May God, Buddha, Muhammed, and Mother Earth :grin:

8
Elan School / New Car
« on: December 24, 2005, 01:13:00 AM »
From the Law Offices of Binder&Binder
#334 Front Way: Seattle, WA:

It pleases my client to such a great degree that he is unable to express himself, that his good colleague and friend was released from Elan Penitentiary at approximately 12:00AM on December the 24th today, and is about to make their way back into the reality that is life!.,..,... My client's comrade, who wishes to forever remain anonymous, signed him/herself out of the Elan Program/Robot Factory yesterday! May God, Buddha, Muhammed, and Mother Earth :grin:

9
Elan School / Jim Bronkema
« on: December 15, 2005, 02:39:00 PM »
From the Law Offices of Elan Robo Corp.
#5 Road, Pollack, Mainerland:

SHUT THE FUCK UP ART

-Mr. Pink's Attorney[ This Message was edited by: Mr. Pink's Attorney on 2005-12-15 11:39 ]

10
Elan School / Change Comes from.. a dollar
« on: December 14, 2005, 05:17:00 PM »
From the Law Offices of the Dalai Lhama,
PRC Military Sector A5-6 outside of Tibet:


More crazy ad-libs from the mind of Mr. Pink:


With eagerness of spirit we shall find a contract through being loose with others.

We shall no longer be driven by our nachos and cheese dip but by healthy fruits and vegetables.

No longer dwelling on the dead elephant in the room, we must use the tool of blunt shovels to distinguish between what is chunks of intestine and what is valuable ivory.

No longer alone within a within our dumpster, we must challenge our racoons and the racoons of others so as to have a half-eaten meal in what is found.

Seeing ourselves in the eyes of the hell-demon Astaroth shall demand a goat for blood sacrifice.

No longer encapsulated in...uh, capsules, we must now strive towards easier to swallow gel-tabs.

No longer able to blow huge lines of coke, we must now accept responsibility for ourselves and square up with our dealer.

We shall learn by our mistakes and use them to build a strong Iraqi insurgency.

We must first attack the elan staff upon which all our former brainwashings were founded and put them in their proper jail cells.


-Mr. Pink's Attorney

11
Elan School / Anyone get served? I did.
« on: December 14, 2005, 04:59:00 PM »
From the Law Offices of Dave Thomas,
Founder of Wendys and hell-friend of Joe Ricci:

My client, although not completly positive, is pretty damn sure we already established that. (see above legal post)

-Mr. Pink's Attorney

12
Elan School / Jim Bronkema
« on: December 14, 2005, 04:54:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-10-04 09:05:00, Mister Pink wrote:

"way to resurrect an old thread  :oops:
"

13
Elan School / ya'll a bunch of punks
« on: December 14, 2005, 04:51:00 PM »
From the Law Offices of Zeus
high atop Mount Olympus:

My client wishes to express his disgust with the distastefullness and utter lack of humor occurring within that remark. that is all.

-Mr. Pink's Attorney

14
Elan School / Anyone get served? I did.
« on: December 14, 2005, 04:43:00 PM »
From the Law Offices of Geico Insurance Company:
#643 Gekko Road, Columbine, Ohio:


My client, Mr. Pink, who I am representing in this matter, wishes to say a few word on several subjects:

1-SLANDER: My client wishes to inform anyone listening, that every single person on the elan payroll, is either a child molester, a sociopath, a drug addict, a homosexual, or a resident of the state of Maine.

2-PORNOGRAPHY DISTRIBUTION: My client also would like to extend, to each and every member of this board, his collection of Playboy's circa 1968-1973, as he is in a loving healthy sexual relationship and keeps them only for their sentimental and aesthetic value.

3-SEXUAL PROPOSITIONING: My client does not wish to be crude or offend any of the fine women who post here. With that being said, he asked that a certain rather large and rotund hispanic whore suck the semen out of his penis. However, please do not misinterpret this, as I am sure it is a figure of speech, such as; 'blow me' or 'suck my dick' or 'FUCK OFF'

4-IDENTITY THEFT: My client apologizes deeply for stealing the credit cards and SS#s of certain members of this board. Please rest assured knowing that they were used overseas to purchase volumous quantities of absinthe, and you will not be seeing your money anytime soon.
My client also added that his real name is "Martin R. Kruglick" and "he suh likey to the hiyuhhiyuhhiyuh"


Although we have not recieved any subpeonas, I can wholeheartedly assure everyone on this board that they would be dealt with swiftly and legally... Or blatantly ignored, and used as kindling to start a four alarm blaze inside the chambers of whatever drug addled prosecuter that would actually try a case like this. Better Luck Next Time(s)

-Mr. Pink's Attorney

15
Elan School / Is Art REALLY gay? Im being serious
« on: December 12, 2005, 02:38:00 AM »
From the Law Offices of Le'Absinth
454 Green Fairy Drive, Paris, FRA:

Much to the dismay of my esteemed client, Mr. Pink, I am forced to agree with you. Time and time again I warn him of the possible dangers, but he pays no heed. However, after much legal searching, it may interest you to know that the DEA has no laws on the books regarding absinthe; instead, it is regulated (banned from consumption driven importation) by our good friends at the Food and Drug Administration. My client was arrested with a bottle of absinthe on his person, and only charged with an open container violation, which was settled out of court when he rendered a Federal Judge unconcious, comatose with several well-placed golf club whacks to the base of the skull.
However, as my client becomes more and more erratic, I hope that the swill *is* banned; severed ears and Poe poems don't pay the insurance on a Porsche mind you.

-Mr. Pink's Attorney

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