From the Law Offices of Geico Insurance Company:
#643 Gekko Road, Columbine, Ohio:
My client, Mr. Pink, who I am representing in this matter, wishes to say a few word on several subjects:
1-SLANDER: My client wishes to inform anyone listening, that every single person on the elan payroll, is either a child molester, a sociopath, a drug addict, a homosexual, or a resident of the state of Maine.
2-PORNOGRAPHY DISTRIBUTION: My client also would like to extend, to each and every member of this board, his collection of Playboy's circa 1968-1973, as he is in a loving healthy sexual relationship and keeps them only for their sentimental and aesthetic value.
3-SEXUAL PROPOSITIONING: My client does not wish to be crude or offend any of the fine women who post here. With that being said, he asked that a certain rather large and rotund hispanic whore suck the semen out of his penis. However, please do not misinterpret this, as I am sure it is a figure of speech, such as; 'blow me' or 'suck my dick' or 'FUCK OFF'
4-IDENTITY THEFT: My client apologizes deeply for stealing the credit cards and SS#s of certain members of this board. Please rest assured knowing that they were used overseas to purchase volumous quantities of absinthe, and you will not be seeing your money anytime soon.
My client also added that his real name is "Martin R. Kruglick" and "he suh likey to the hiyuhhiyuhhiyuh"
Although we have not recieved any subpeonas, I can wholeheartedly assure everyone on this board that they would be dealt with swiftly and legally... Or blatantly ignored, and used as kindling to start a four alarm blaze inside the chambers of whatever drug addled prosecuter that would actually try a case like this. Better Luck Next Time(s)
-Mr. Pink's Attorney