Why would I want to be so manipulative and controlling in my childs life? Well how about the fact that my child's best friend (this boy)took my daughter with him on a downward spiral to cocaine addiction at 15. Do I have a problem with that? Yes I do, especially when he starts stealing money from everyone and is threatened in the street by the local dealers because he owes them money. That crosses the boundary for me from "teenage rebellion" to "need for parental intervention"? I would rather be labeled an overprotective mother, than leave my daughter to cope alone with a situation which is way beyond her maturity level. Both kids are immature for their age.
I did not try to stop her seeing him when he was here and I have not stopped the phone contact since he left, limited as it is. My question related to whether (or not)I should tell the mother things that my daughter has shared with me that she may not know, or do I want events unfold. It's a reflection of my good relationship with my daughter that she is telling me all this stuff. The answer here seems to be not to tell his mother anything, but I can't help wondering if she is being misguided by some of the decisions she is making for her son.
By the way, the latest development is that if he is not allowed a home visit to see my daughter within the next few weeks he's going to run away. Anybody have a clue where he might go, given that he is in Utah? He survived a 3 month wilderness camp already remember, so living rough is something they already taught him. My guess is he will do what he says. So again, let me ask the question: Should I tell his mother?
I have no agenda apart from looking out for my daughter, and even though I think he contributed to this situation he now finds himself in, by repeatedly making bad choices, I also think the parents have over-reacted, and that a local drug rehab would have been a more suitable choice. I don't know them that well, but I suspect they are in the group that thinks every problem can be solved by throwing money at it.
He's a sensitive soul - a poet and writer - quite unlike the strictly business world his parents are in, and I think their expectations of him may be unrealistic. But you can't tell other people how to raise their children and at the end of the day, they are only doing what they think is best for their child and who am I to say they are wrong.
They have agreed he should be allowed some contact with my daughter, (the only friend he has from his previous life), but they are very unsure about letting him come home for a visit. I have told them I would allow it.
The good thing is that having shut her out of his recovery program, they are now including her, and it's good for her to be part of something as important as this (his recovery from drug addiction) Everything coming out into the open and being discussed in a grown up way with her at the centre of events is far healthier than brushing it off as a "teenage thing" that needn't involve parents.
At the end of the day, I just want to do the right thing by my daughter and came here to find out more about the "behavior modification industry" because I know very little about it, and the more I read, the less I like, although I can accpet that some kids embrace it as a relief.
I was just feeling very sad for this boy and wanting to take him into my home and give him a hug, then my daughter told me he is planning to run away and "is not cured", whatever that means, and I suddenly sensed her concern was not about the running away part, but about his reason for it, that it is not about wanting to see her, it's about getting back into the drugs.....
