Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum
My Parents
Anonymous:
Somejoker:
lol.
Anonymous got cold feet, but Thom, you are wanted back on another thread.
Anonymous:
OH My....and I thought it was just my family!
It has been really interesting to get back on line (my computer was in the hospital very sick...now recovered!)and read through this dialogue.
I too was in the Seed in St Pete, as soon as it moved there from Ft Lauderdale. And yes i did graduate, after starting over a few times.
I did learn to play the game.
BUT, I always knew I was playing the game as I needed to survive the experience.
I stopped going to Old Timers meetings following an episode at the Elk's Club Pool.
I was there with an exseedling (who was at the time in another rehab and was sober in fact), YET when other seedlings came to the pool they shunned me.....
Yet these are the same people that had been telling me for close to a year that they "loved me", they "trusted me"...I went to an Old Timers Rap that evening, and when I started to speak about me experience, I was shut down....It was not the "subject" of the rap that evening. I still remember what the topic they thought was more important than "my feelings" was........the topic was about getting other people into the Seed....
I never went back.
Shortly after this I started using more drugs than I had ever thought about before.I am NOT blaming anybody for my choices, I just know that my home was not a safe environment for me (abuse of all kinds took place there) and I had lost faith in people's words of love and respect and caring.
I certainly did not hear words of support, encouragement, love and praise from my father and stepmother. I did hear things like what a slut I was (even as a virgin), how stupid I was (even as an A student), and lived on "restriction" simply because he KNEW I was doing things just could not catch me so I'd be grounded (following my beating) for the sake of his principles.
I had thoght i had earned a group of friends within the Seed that would be my emotional support.....they sure showed me didn't they?!
Well the night my father dragged me out of a sound sleep at 3am to start beating me because I had "snuck in" (although I had been home since 11pm right after work, cleaned their dinner dishes, did my homework and went to bed...the truth never really mattered in that home)....It was the best night of my life.....He told me I could leave,and I did after spending 3 hrs at the emergency room....
I guess the thing I really remember is being in Gibbs High School and still being cursed and spit on for being a "seedling" even though I had been out for 2-4 years. I remember high school as a time of pain and much loneliness.
I remember very few names of the people I was in there with, perhaps my God is being good to me helping me to let those things go.
My father died several years ago...I am still waiting to hear officially from my stepmother about his death! I recently had to set some boundaries for my mother; perhaps our relationship will recover, perhaps not. But I needed to make sure that I am safe from her harm.
I have been sober for about 20 years now. I have a son (soon to be 18 Ugh!) who knows about my life, and has chosen a different course for himself (Thank God).
I also know that my son did not have the type of life I had; because I worked very hard to ensure that I did not continue the cycle.
I am married (4 1/2 yrs now) to a wonderful recovering addict (16 yrs sober) like myself.We did not meet in "the rooms", but did date for 7yrs because I was still not comfortable believing that I was "loveable".
I wish that my younger brother and sister were closer to me, they were not a part of my Seed experience as they are 7 & 9 years younger than me and lived with my mother. My brother is much like the "viper" I read about here, very judgemental. My sister and I are truly reaching out to each other and learning about each other. I am very happy about that.
I guess the real reason I have just written this "book" is because I wanted to remind us that each child within a family experiences that family in a different time with a different perception. NONE of those differing perceptions are better or worse than the others. JUST DIFFERENT!
I submit that the realtionship I have with my mother,as the first born child of a 15yrold mother is different than my brother's, as the last child of 4 to a 26 yrold mother.
The economics,the expectations,the fathers,and the emotional experiences were different. This is true, I believe for all families---functional and dysfunctional.
I think that setting some boundaries is healthy for all....even though some times the boundary means that you have no contact at all. I have a brother 1 yr younger than me that I have neither seen nor spoken to in 25 yrs. For my own sanity it has to be that way.....sometime people are very unhealthy for each other---family or friend---whom ever is harmful should be removed from a person's reality.
Anonymous:
for some reaon the last post read ANONYMOUS even though I was logged in, but it won't let me log in again.Oh well things happen.
I did write the last post.
So I just wanted to say that my name is
Debi White, I currently live in Sarasota with my husband and son (and my 2 German Shepards (lol)....
I am sorry I was rambling so much...I guess those posts between brother and sister (and husband?) struck a chord in me. I guess I just wanted to say that sometime we do just have to accept what we can not change....and sometimes other people's perceptions just won't change to include yours no matter how important it is to you....it is unfortunate but altogether too human....
Antigen:
Thank you, Debbi. I needed that.
About that login problem. You're not alone in that either :wink: Could you post over in Web forum Hosting about that? Thanks.
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version