In answer to those that have asked "do I love my son?"----YES.
I believe you. (hopefully this is you. no sign in.)
I guess it just would be nice if you bothered to visit him on your own terms instead of aspens. This means, when you wanted to.
Means a lot more to a kid than just "monitoring."
I certainly don't think any one of us could convince you to pull your kid from aspen, and I wouldn't even try, cause its a sucker bet. But maybe if you would consider actually putting on your dad boots and set the agenda for when YOU are going to see YOUR SON, well, maybe it would remind him that you are the one who is Dad, not aspen.
You are still dad, right? They didn't have you sign over custody, did they? (not a sarcastic question. there are places that do this.)
Scenario thingie below:
About three months after I arrived at program I got into trouble... quite a bit, actually. I got all emo and cut up my arm and was put on isolation/restriction for 14 days. There is no doubt that this was not only a.) stupid, it was also b.) lame. This was about two days before parent visits. In fact, my parents had already arrived in Sandpoint, Idaho and a staff had to head them off at the pass to tell them to go home because they couldn't see me. (After my dad flew all the way from texas and my mom flew all the way from new york.) And they did. They turned around and went home.
The staff told me (well, screamed at me) in a rap how disappointed and sad my parents were that they couldn't come visit, (I believe the word they used was "crushed") so I in no way believed that they didn't love me, and I felt a lot of pain about the fact that they were hurt. (really, I did)
Even though I was green-eyed that I was stuck digging in the dirt, moving around rocks and restricted to my booth writing list after list about what a horrible person I was, while other kids were hanging with their parents, I really didn't hold anything against my parents for their acquiescence. Part of the reason I got into trouble to begin with was to avoid seeing them, since it would have been the first time since I got sent up, and I wasn't too thrilled to be with them.
BUT, it certainly sent a message.
And the message was:
Your parents are now your parents in name only. You're here now, and your ass belongs to us.
And the perception was that my parents also agreed with this sentiment.
And when I graduated, I also agreed.
There's a lot of screaming in programs. But the subtext in these places in infinitely louder.
This is by no means isolated to my own experience. This is what every single program teaches. If they didn't, then YOU would be able to set the agenda for visitation.
Anyway, I admit the little anecdote thing is all boo hoo whiny emo crap. My point is, when you let the program be the primary parent, and kick you to the bumper seat, your send the message to your son that this is how it's going to be.. and soon he will believe you, because it's not just the program telling this lie to your child, you are, too, through your complicity.
Because that's what this is, isn't it? Complicity.
Which is why I say.. good luck after graduation... hope it works out.