I went through AARC eleven years ago. It took over a year to "graduate." At the time the front was offices and the very back was a garage with cement floors. This is where the newcomers go between countless endless raps. Some lasting past 12 in the morning with full group. You only have limited clothes in treatment and in the winter and summer there wasn't proper heating or conditioning. This was very uncomfortable. Sometimes you would have to wear the same clothes for weeks (if an oc didn't or ran out time to let you wash your stuff). Eventually while in treatment this was renovated to include windows facing the back of the building, unseen to public. This is where the "newcomers" as they were called were kept b/w raps. The raps were held in the middle of the building. The blinds were always closed. The chairs at the time were hard plastic. Level 1's aka newcomers sat on the front row until they earned their step 1. The raps were day in and out except for sundays which were spent in host homes. During these raps on step 1 "oldcomers" as they were called kicked step 1s chairs. You always had to have your hand up to share, relate, blast rap who ever was doing work stood at the front by themselves. There was target raps constantly. Big book raps where we would discuss the big book. Workbooks upon workbooks where we had to divulge our deepest secrets and hand into our peers who were sometimes younger or barely older than us. These peer staff would yell berate clients. I have diagnosed ADHD and having to sit through these long days was insane. I'd get in trouble for shaking my leg or biting my nails even cuticles. Screamed at during intense emotional confessions. We'd have to sleep on the floor in the treatment centre if the prior rap on Tuesday night was too long with sleeping bags and pillows we'd use for the duration of newcomer. We were made fun of for stinking, the sickest of the sick, called losers, physically assaulted. I had male clinical with no training barely older than me who gave me the creeps and after treatment did hit on me. I heard extreme stories of abuse rape incest not limited to girls rap content I heard guys rap stuff that still distraughts me as I feel guilty that I witnessed some of the personal confessions that were forced or outted by staff including the main and worst confession I heard forced was by Dr V guys rap stuff to everyone. The girls raps were sometimes ran by males with no "medical" background other than being a graduate themselves. There was a one way mirror. Slut and other degrading words were constant themes. All your problems and any abuses were somehow conected to your primary disease. We would also go to host homes with males whether they were siblings or other clients who were sometimes abusers themselves we would know this because we would hear it in girls raps. It was uncomfortable. All ages were mixed together. There was a zero club. If you were injured you still had to participate in group. All appointments with Dr. you're accompanied by a peer staff. Some times Dr. V would take us to his house for overnights females too. The male staff would hug you and hang out with you "platonic" during treatment hands on your waist or holding hands sometimes during song or prayer, but several male staff dated graduates after sometimes immediately after graduation. Conflict of interest? When we bc oc we were told to listen for nc if they puke or put on suicide watch. Ironically one kid who was suicidal during treatment died from suicide years later (I wonder if it was primary disease, he had the tools, don't feel sorry for him, he knew where to go, ... Maybe he had a "real" mood disorder, maybe if he wasn't so self responsible and guilty for feeling shitty all the time and not being able to control that feeling with program, maybe he would've given up.... or maybe its true it was primary disease that killed him and regards to DrV for keeping him alive as long as he did. Andrews funeral wasn't at all used by AARC as a chance to spout about the disease and AARC's miracles who knows) but maybe if he got proper medical care when he was younger it wouldn't have happend. Primary disease it what we're taught. I remember making fun and being made fun of constantly abusing the powers of these raps. Yelling and telling people they were "fake," "try hards" "losers", anything and not limited too. Swearing was fun and sometimes just making up stories in order to earn or see peoples reactions. Day after day you feel like your going nuts. Process your feelings. On one step you have to make amends to everybody you hurt. How many kids got amends from their parents for any thing. Your a bad kid, you put your parents through hell now beg for forgiveness. Oh and if its not up to par you can be forced to do it again and again till its accepted. The big groups were especailly humiliating as you would have to stand up in front of all the parents, all the clients and graduates or DrV friends or supporters and do work. No permission was asked to the clients if we want these additional people listening in. We were told we better behave. and violence was encouraged if you had a newcomer or a runner, "take them down" DrV thought if was especailly funny to play "running against the wind" if a kid got caught trying to escape. He'd laugh along with the song and degrade the kid and tell the group to do the same or you'll get caught. If you could sign yourself out your charges would be pressed and your famliy would ostirichsize you. Again parents would have to put up their hands too and comment on the "work" the kid was doing. Dr.V is the only one who has complete authority to say if you earned. I for one "earned" in big group. Ironically I remember clearly crying for the opposite reason he preached to everyone. I went along with it bc I was happy to have "earned". Sometimes I'd make up stories just to see reactions. Sometimes staff would bring in Mcdonalds, ping pong balls, etc and whoever did the best work woudl get it. There were locks on the doors at the host homes and windows. Only the oc had the key. girls and guys at host home were sometimes put together. I had to take home a male client by myself who had serious guys raps issues that I knew about. Very uncomfortable. there was a ping pong table and hackey sack. Your had to write permissions to get balls or paper or clothes. These little things could be taken away from you for anything little as upsetting your oc. Sometimes the parents wouldn't like you and would snitch on the nc to staff. they would be punished appropriatley so such as not being allowed to go to a movie (which the parents would ask permission for and anything else they wanted to do as small as going to Peters drive in) with the host home on Sundays. Oc had to hold your razors and watch or supervise you while using these things if you'd earned the right to use them. Your parents are told not to believe anything you say. If you don't go along with them during the "fundraisers" during treatment you get in trouble. In one such host home the mother actually locked us from the outside of the room including the oc. There are two kids from my group who are dead, bc of primary disease. One from my group who murdered a woman, oh did I mention he worked on staff prior too!!! They had the tools they knew what to do??? Primary disease. I myself have resisted professional help bc I know it my fault. I punish myself. I have nightmares of that time and the stories that I heard and shared still race in the back of my head. Sometimes I think of one girl who was really young and pregnant during treatment. She had to participate in group and she would cry. She'd get yelled at and put down. She must have received great counseling when deciding what to do with her baby. I wonder how healthy that was during those stressful, loud, intensly emotionaly group sessions for the unborn baby. How come or did they have a real dr. test her prior to treatment instead she found out she was pregnant in treatment. The only dr. I saw was choate and it was shortly after I was admitted I remember him asking me questions for maybe an hour or less and that was it that I can remember for the duration of treatment. All clients are taken off their med's and this is done by the Oc who is put in charge of all their personal stuff. Sometimes this charge is given to the host home parent. We would assist some of these kids in detox. Sometimes we would take home 3-4 or more kids to supervise. Sometime of nc the oc wouldn't let you wash your stuff bc you ran out of time. All the time oc would yell at you in the shower making sick games how fast you could go. The rows go as suck level 1's front row, level 2's second row, level 3's and 4's have their own rows. At the back theres a long row where graduates or staff or anybody whose approved by the Doc can sit. The higher levels can than leave the centre to go to school. If you go to work your account is monitered you can't go spent money without permission. The longer it takes you to earn the longer you are denied these privledges. Therefore if you don't earn step 1 your not going to be able to leave the centre or be unsupervised ever, till you earn. So this puts you behind in school and everything with the outside world. You can't even have caffeine much less wactch tv or preapproved music. There was AA propaganda all over the walls. At the beginning and end of the raps there would be a song. Sarah M's Angel anybody barf. The parents would sing hallalulah along with that Neil diamond song and anybody who was there remembers how funny that was. My sibling was in treatment and my parents were encouraged to sign me up. I refused and my parents kicked me out of the house. I eventually had charges and I was told if I do this program they;ll get dropped. Thats AARC's saving grace they get charges dropped. I know of stories from treatment where if they were true... Than We had some serious criminals supervising us at times.... Aftercare is a joke your either in or out of the "AARC famliy" Its really creepy even if you go back to visit and sit and listen in group DrV might come up to you a graduate and he'll announce your history to the group at hand and than he might even look and you and announce to the group your "hurting" or "you don't trust anyone" basically asuring the group how much he knows us inside and outside the facillity. No matter how long after you've graduated he knows you. You begin to feel like everything they say about you is true. You have the tools why can't you get it together. Primary disease. So don't take any anti depressants or anxiety pills. Don't trust Dr's or hospitals. Use the steps, get honest, stay close to the group. Remember you're a fighter, a fake, a people pleaser, a wannabe, a whatever, but its all in your head. You can beat the "beast" if you listen to what you learned at AARC. "These kids have no excuse, Don't feel sorry for them." Dr.V. During treatment one of these kids I personally witnessed and may have participated in berating him day after day. Telling him he was a "people pleaser" and he must have got "eatten alive out there." Those are DrV's words. Dr.V say pychiatrists and teachers are conned by us "druggies," "losers," "Sorry bunch" "have your ever seen such a bunch of losers." He would say this all the time even if you were standing in line for meal. If you were labled a fighter it just took you longer to pass through. Fighters are the ones who challenge DrV almightly knowledge of the disease. Also when we were in treatment we had a schitzophrenic kid who was eventually released. It was bizarre and hysterical to us nc and the other clients bc it was so obvious he wasn't sane. Powerless was always the theme. I earned my step 1 after several tries. This place has been in and out of my life. I've struggled with my feelings toward it and what happened for years. Especailly the part that I deserved it. And that it was good for me bc its the "only place I wouldv'e got sober." Its the only place that really knows "me." I have a "disease." Its not fair to clients who come in on their own bc they trust the "dr" to help them. My first rap was a target rap. It focussed on how "boring" I was. I didn't know anybody and the leader of this rap was a guy a few years older than me. I have mixed feelings about the grad's sometimes I have survivors guilt when I think of abuses that occurred that I witnessed and didn't stop. I have fear of hospitals and Dr's (the real ones). Lucky I have finally trusted the professionals against the AARC family and I'm seeing clearly what confrontational therapy does. It left me paranoid, scared of confrontation, scared of relationships and unable to talk of that time for fear nobody would believe me anyways... I need to get back to real life but theres more way more 11-10 years ago I witnessed firsthand.
B | unknown | Posted February 21, 2009 06:26 PM
