King George School

[wonderwoman2112]

Hi Everybody,
I am a parent who is looking for some factual, first-hand information about King George School in Sutton, Vermont.  It has been recommended to us by several people, but I don't know much about it and my search of these forums hasn't turned up anything.  I do know that it was, at one time, a CEDU school and I have read with great sadness and bewilderment what has been posted about the CEDU program.
Just to give you an idea of our situation, we have a 17yr old daughter who was in a year-long physically and emotionally abusive relationship with an older guy.  She has all the issues associated with "Battered Wife Syndrome".  She went to a truly wonderful wilderness program that SHE loved, but is struggling at her current therapeutic boarding school and we are looking for a good move.  
I would greatly appreciate any information and hope that those of you who would like to HELP us can refrain from attacking our past decisions.
Thanks  

[dishdutyfugitive]

My 2 cents....

1. You've got less than 365 days to 'send' her somewhere. Seems to me like the TBS barn door is open and the cows are out.

2. Can you get a restraining order against this guy?

3. I don't know of any but a local option is my blanket recommendation.
I guess a good rule of thumb is to be very careful of any 'glossy brochure that promises the world to you'.

4. Have you worked with someone like a career counselor to help her plan out her next 3-5 years?

[cedu91to93]

I'd highly recommend contacting your local battered women's shelter and asking for some referrals to experienced therapists/counselors.

Your child belongs at home, in a nurturing, loving environment. She needs to see that relationships aren't all abusive. You need to be the best role models you can be for her.

Please, please, take her out of the TBS. This is not the solution.

PM me if you'd like some info on resources for battered women.

[mad]

This section of the site is, in general, for people who attended the Cedu programs (of which King George was once a member).  It is also populated by those who were badly traumatized by their experiences in the programs.  I am a graduate of Rocky Mountain Academy '93. I am now a licensed psychotherapist in Massachusetts.  I have known a couple former staff at King George and both were junior staff at RMA during its heyday.  They came of age during the time when the programs were quite confrontational and often verbally abusive.  That written, ALL therapeutic boarding schools are working very hard to distance themselves from Cedu and the Cedu clones (even if they were former students or staff) and many of the modalities that were therapeutically counter-indicated.  In the case of your daughter -- if she has not already done so, she should have a full assessment by a therapist who specializes in the treatment of trauma survivors.  They will be in the best position to recommend a course of treatment and whether leaving home for a residential placement is indicated.  I would also urge you to consider Austen Riggs .  I have a number of colleagues who trained there and think quite highly of the program.

[wonderwoman2112]

Thank you, everyone, for your input. To answer some of your questions, we do have a restraining order against the guy, as well as pending charges of battery and carnal knowledge of a juvenile (she was 15, he was 19, when the relationship began). He was out of the picture for 5 months and made no attempts at contact.  My daughter came home on a home pass and she contacted him.  Our lawyer advises us that we can do nothing legally now that she has made first contact.  

We have not worked with a career counseler because she has a very firm goal to graduate from high school and go to an art college (she's very talented in the visual arts).  

Local options are very limited.  We spent 3 months with 2 different local therapists who had trauma experience, but she spiraled out of control.  We have also seen an addiction therapist because of her addictive tendencies in regards to this relationship.   My husband and I go to therapy to help us through this.  EVERY professional we have talked to has told us in no uncertain terms that it would be disastrous to bring her home.    

As far as her needing to see that relationships aren't all abusive, she has seen this her whole life.  We have never, even peripherally, experienced abusive relationships.  Both my husbands and my families are loving and involved and we have continued to have a mutually loving relationship with her.  Intellectually, she has great insights into her personality and how she ended up where she did and for so long.  I swear she could give a lecture on abusive relationships, how  addictive they are and how to get out of them, but when she comes home, she simply cannot stay away.  This terrifies us AND her.

I'm not sure what is meant by "a full assessment", but she did have at least a PTSD assessment done at her TBS by her therapist who had worked a good bit with domestic violence.  He told us that she did meet criteria for PTSD.  Unfortunately, he left the program 2 months after my daughter arrived.

She would love to go to a traditional boarding school and a friend who is an ed con whose practice focuses on that type of school has made a couple of calls.  Unfortunately, it looks like that is not going to be an option because  they all want "medical clearance" and we certainly won't have that.

I looked at www.austinriggs.org.  Frankly, this option scares the hell out of me.  Maybe I'm in complete denial, but I just can't believe she needs a full-blown psychiatric facility.

Again, thanks for all your thoughts.  Please feel free to give me more!!!

[Anonymous]

Do you have any relatives who live in a larger city with more options at treatment? Perhaps LA where there are multiple shelters and literally thousands of therapists per city block?

I hate to suggest this because it would be more uprooting, but perhaps you could move?

A psychiatric facility may not be a great option, but if former cedu staff are working at king george or if it is following the cedu modalities, it would likely be a "safer" option in terms of not causing more harm. Of course, unfortunately, many of the psychiatric units out there are based on modalities that can be just as destructive.

It sounds to me like you want to continue the TBS route, which is unfortunate. There are other options out there. If your daughter truly wants help and wants to change...it can be done.

[try another castle]

EVERY professional we have talked to has told us in no uncertain terms that it would be disastrous to bring her home.

Interesting. On what grounds?

Also, what is the name of the facility where she is now? Why are you considering changing programs?


It might be good to ask her something next time you speak with her. I am not sure if she will tell the truth on this or not, but ask her how the school has helped her with her issues regarding her abusive boyfriend. Ask her what kind of advice or insight they gave her.

If she is forthcoming, you might be surprised at the answer.

[Anonymous]

Why send a kid to a TBS? She ingested a ton of abuse from her boyfriend. It begs the question: why is her self esteem so low she accepted this? Somewhere along the line her self worth was compromised.  What role have you played in that and do you continue to do so, however inadvertently?

In any event, why would you send a kid to a program whose "treatment" modalities include abusive, confrontational raps (verbal and psychological abuse) and no individuated therapy? All that would do is compound the issues.  If you really believe that abuse is the crux of her problem, why is she being shipped off?

Why don't you go to the ISAC site or pick up Maia Szalavitz's book to read the red flags of bad programs?  They provide a list of what to look for.  You wouldn't want to unnecessarily entrench her current issues.

Also, don't trust the program PR (they are good!) and don't trust recent graduates, either. We all drank the Kool Aid and came out like Stepford little boys and girls.  We spewed all kinds of BS to prove our loyalty to the ideology we hoped "saved" us.   It took a few years to shake it off, and then we were left with a severely fractured sense of self... The parents give themselves a pat on the back post program only to wonder years later why their kid is so discombobulated or why the relationship just doesn't seem as close as it should be.

Call  a domestic abuse center and ask them if they have any ideas or resources. Love her.

[Anonymous]

Auntie Em here, having difficulty logging at the moment.

I'm afraid I may rant today. Buckle up.

First, I am so sorry you are faced with all these worries. I can tell you have been talking to people and researching facilities, and trying your best to do what is right for your daughter. I would be afraid for her, too. But please don't let your fears get the better of you; therapeutic boarding schools are for-profit entities that have a vested financial interest in exploiting your fears, in promising a cure-all for life's complicated and difficult passages.

You must find an alternative to a TBS, please, please, please. These facilities are not what they present themselves to be. They are not licensed to provide mental health care. They are licensed as boarding schools. The licensure covers things like fire escape plans, food safety, and having a written educational plan "on file" for each student. You can look it up on line for the state where the school is located. Here, for example, are the regulations for Idaho: http://http://adm.idaho.gov/adminrules/rules/idapa16/0602.pdf. Nothing in the regs about quality of outcomes, not for mental health, not for academics.

Is there a relative in another area, away from the boyfriend, who could provide your daughter with a place to live? Please look to your own community for home-based solutions. The most effective therapy for troubled teens follows the Systems of Care model, an approach that integrates family, school, therapy, medical care, juvenile justice (where applicable), faith community, athletics, etc. The goal is to INCREASE the particiation of caring adults in the child's life--adults who know her and love her, adults who will work together to help her--as well as other responsible youth. Please ask your family and friends openly, candidly, and specifically for help. If my niece's parents had told any of us that they needed help, we would have provided it. While they were considering sending her thousands of miles away for 2 1/2 years of isolation, and planning to trick her into going, to take her there against her will, we knew nothing except that she was having major difficulty at school. We never had the opportunity to help. We love her, we miss her, we would gladly have taken her into our home, risks and all.

Please don't take her away from the sane, loving people in her world, people like you. Don't take her away from pets, and prom, and bad movies, and car trouble, and trashy paperbacks, and hours on the phone, and fast food, and yard work, and bike riding, and pop music, and newspapers, and running with scissors. These are all the wonderful, dangerous, confusing, inspiring things that make life full. A TBS will take normal life away from her. It will not only take her away from people she loves, it will take her away from people who love her. Be the Wonder Woman of your moniker: bravely stand by her.
 
And the money involved! $83,000 a year! Tuition at Harvard is $40,000. You should realize intuitively that at this price the schools are motivated to recruit you and keep you paying. Therapy is not time served.

I agree with Castle. Ask your daughter. Give her options. Give her the power to choose. Give her a voice in her own life. Honor her with your trust.

And I agree with shanlea and cedu91to93. Connect her to resources for battered women.

Dang, I really did rant, and I don't begin to know you well enough to say all this. I sympathize with how concerned you are, but I know how much of an easy mark that makes you for these schools, and the educational consultants who are paid commissions to refer student there (and parents who often receive a reduction in tuition for referrals).


Auntie Em

P.S. Are you aware that CEDU has its roots in a the Synanon cult?  Feel free to Google Synanon, cult leader Charles E. "Chuck" Dederich Sr., or Synanon disciple and school founder Mel Wasserman--you will see this confirmed. I also highly recommend you look at the list of Warning Signs and Facilities Watch Lists on the ISAC site http://http://www.isaccorp.org/watchlist.asp.

[dishdutyfugitive]

EXPLOITATION IN THE NAME OF “SPECIALTY SCHOOLINGâ€

[mad]

I'm not sure what is meant by "a full assessment", but she did have at least a PTSD assessment done at her TBS by her therapist who had worked a good bit with domestic violence.  He told us that she did meet criteria for PTSD.  Unfortunately, he left the program 2 months after my daughter arrived.

I looked at www.austinriggs.org.  Frankly, this option scares the hell out of me.  Maybe I'm in complete denial, but I just can't believe she needs a full-blown psychiatric facility.

It sounds like your daughter has been assessed by licensed professionals.  The only other question I would ask (and it sounds like it has already come up) is what they would recommend for treatment.  Again, I don't know the case, but it is very possible that they will recommend outpatient treatment.  I have worked with multiple battered women in outpatient therapy.  It took years for any of them to be able to really break ties with their abuser -- sometimes out of a very real fear of being killed -- but more often because they could not leave the relationship.  The possibility of leaving was more terrifying than staying with a partner who beat them.

There is a harm reduction model to therapy that I use with people who find it impossible to keep themselves safe (whether from a partner, strangers, or themselves in the case of extreme eating disorders or with people who cut or burn themselves).  In the cases of the women with whom I've worked, the therapies do not go after trying to make the woman leave their abuser (at least directly).  Rather it focuses on how the woman can survive in the relationship (and plan for the nights when she needs to escape) until leaving is a real option for her.  By taking this tack we can keep the therapy relationship alive until she is capable/ready/willing to keep herself safe.

Re: a psychiatric facility.  Don't let the name scare you off.  What it means that they have multiple agency oversight -- a good thing in my mind.  Many "therapeutic boarding schools" are now also registered hospitals.  If you are able to get insurance to cover part of the tuition you can be sure that they are recognized as an inpatient treatment facility.  Ask around -- it is more common than you expect.

The thing about Riggs is that they have an extraordinary 1 on 1 therapy program with a very high staff to student ratio.  They would have an intake with your daughter and decide whether placement would be indicated.

[dishdutyfugitive]

Why do words like 'intake' make me lose faith in humanity?

Probably the same reason cheney doesn't have the balls to stand up for his daughter and tell the bible thumpers  to kindly fuck off