Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Ridge Creek School / Hidden Lake Academy
Public Displays of Caring/Empathy
Deborah:
--- Quote from: ""Guest"" ---Again, this is where common sense and good training come into play. There are times when it is best not to hand someone a tissue. If they are working on an issue that has been difficult for them and they are finally able to tap into some emotions that they have been holding back for a long time, then it would be best just to let the person cry or to set the tissue box beside them in case they choose to take it. There are times when you have to let people get there feelings out. What is the first thing someone typically does when they are handed a tissue? They start pulling themselves together and try to stop crying. In a therapy group some people are enevitably less comfortable with crying than others. If you hand someone a tissue it may be more that YOU want them to stop crying rather than them needing to be comforted at that time.
A good therapist will manage the group in such a way that he/she lets the group members know when it is time to comfort the person crying and when to just let them cry because that is what they need. Of course this further points out the need for licensed counselors in a TBS setting.
--- End quote ---
I agree with you completely. So why isn't this explained to the kids? Why do they, years later, comment on this particular issue, and apparently not understand the thinking behind the policy?
I recall my son being punished for defending himself against a false allegation during group and being punished. With his counselor listening to the call, I asked if he understood the correct procedure. No, he didn't. So, after his punishment, he still didn't know the correct procedure. How is that helpful or useful at all? Is he just to sit quietly and take whatever thrown his way for fear of speaking 'inappropriately'?
In your experience are teens able to understand that it's not helpful to sooth someone who is crying, in and out of session?
There is strong cultural conditioning to sooth, that if you can get someone to stop crying, all is well. Even adults have no tolerance for crying, how could teens?
Could they not be taught, by example and explanation, that their role was to be an attentive listener until the person is done crying, then give hugs 'if wanted'?
How are staff trained to deal with (teach) in this situation? Or is it left up to the 'counselors'?
They have a captive audience, so many useful things could be taught if there wasn't so much emphasis on punishment instead of teaching.
Anonymous:
I agree with you and this is where a good counselor will teach the group. Yes, I believe teens can be taught when to sooth and when not to sooth. Before that happens they have to have a qualified counselor to teach them. The counselor also has to build trust with the group. The counselor that just seeks to punish does so because they are neither creative nor knowledgable enough to read the situation for what it is. I don't know how that can be taught. Either you have it or you don't.
RobertBruce:
--- Quote --- good counselor will teach the group
--- End quote ---
Not at hla they wont. Most good counselors ( at least from a professional viewpoint) are fired.
--- Quote --- a qualified counselor to teach them.
--- End quote ---
Again not at HLA, most are unqualified.
--- Quote ---The counselor also has to build trust with the group.
--- End quote ---
This is close to impossible, a point I tried to illustrate to my counselors time and time again. Most of them truly dont care about establishing trust, the few that do come up against a brick wall. How can inmates come to trust these counselors when their primary function is solely discipline?
--- Quote ---The counselor that just seeks to punish does so because they are neither creative nor knowledgable enough to read the situation for what it is.
--- End quote ---
Or because they are sick degenerate sadist. This is more likely the correct answer.
Deborah:
--- Quote from: ""Guest"" ---I agree with you and this is where a good counselor will teach the group. Yes, I believe teens can be taught when to sooth and when not to sooth. Before that happens they have to have a qualified counselor to teach them. The counselor also has to build trust with the group. The counselor that just seeks to punish does so because they are neither creative nor knowledgable enough to read the situation for what it is. I don't know how that can be taught. Either you have it or you don't.
--- End quote ---
Very simple. When someone attempts to sooth, you say "not yet" or "later", then later explain 'why'. Seems like it wouldn't take but a few times for all to get it, and possibly even appreciate it.
If someone was at HLA for any length of time, and is still complaining about being punished for it, that seems to indicate that there isn't much teaching and too much punishment.
My question was, what is the policy?
How are staff trained to deal with (teach) in this situation?
Is it one of those things they look up in the counselor manual, because they may not even understand the philosophy behind the 'rule' themselves.
Anonymous:
--- Quote ---My question was, what is the policy?
How are staff trained to deal with (teach) in this situation?
Is it one of those things they look up in the counselor manual, because they may not even understand the philosophy behind the 'rule' themselves.
--- End quote ---
How staff are trained to deal with this is kind of screwy. When staff go through their original orientation they are taught the rules of the school and a lot of emphasis is placed on having the kids follow the rules and not getting manipulated. The training does not take into account every conceivable situation with a "how-to" description attached to it. The ideal situation is for staff to be at the school for a couple of months to get a feel for when you have to be stickler for the rules and when you can be more relaxed, or to be paired with a more seasoned counselor who can mentor you. Too often, counselors are thrown right into the job and many times do not have an experienced staff to learn from. They do get more direction in their weekly supervision, but that is only one hour and there is hardly enough time talk about all of the kids in the group, much less talk about philosophy of the school.
That is another problem. The counselors are so busy, there is literally not enough time in the day to schedule extra meaningful trainings that are neccessary.
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