Carlbrook

[Anonymous]

Isn't psychiatric hospitalizations considered medical records, which are confidential? I am not suggesting Karens son needed psych hospital, sounds like definitely not. I am just curious about privacy laws and such.

[Charly]

He appreciates what we did for him- yes, that means wilderness. He isn't particularly thankful about Carlbrook, but he knows it allowed him to get to his next school.
It seems really difficult for you to accept that he knows he was out of control and couldn't stay at home.  He wasn't abused.  I feel  terrible for those of you who were, or whose parents made poor choices for you.  I really do.  
My son thought Second Nature was a good program and did him a lot of good.  He wanted to go back.  He did go back.  Of course he would have rather been back in his old school, but it wasn't an option.  They wouldn't take him back.  Nor would any  other school he wanted to attend.  UNTIL he put in some time at Carlbrook.  Our original intent was that he would complete the Carlbrook program and then go to college.  That turned out not to be the right thing for him, due to some things unique to him and some things about the Carlbrook program.  He left there after 9 months.
He writes to one of the senior staff members in Latin.  He made a lot of friends.  He moved on.
You think private school is a bad thing?  I can't imagine how bored and frustrated he would have been in public school.  
I don't have to live through my kids.  I have enough personal success of my own.  When my kids applied to college, I would have been fine with whatever they chose.  I'm proud of my kids.

[Charly]

Atomic Ant- The problem is- he could not do whatever he wanted and make whatever choices he wanted while he was 16 and harming other people.  Parents are responsible for a 16 year old.  We loved him and wanted to help him and protect him.  He could not continue what he was doing.  After we did everything we could, and he turned 18, if he wanted to go out on his own, flip burgers or whatever, that was fine.  Instead what he wanted was two years at a prep boarding school and a good college education.

[Anonymous]

You think private school is a bad thing?  I can't imagine how bored and frustrated he would have been in public school.  

I didn't say private school was a bad thing.  I went for the first 8 years of my education.  Parents who place the kind of importance on "schools" the way that YOU seem to are a bad thing.

I don't have to live through my kids.  I have enough personal success of my own.  

Yes, I know.  You're a lawyer.  :roll:  But you seem preoccupied with the status and level of success your son will achieve.

When my kids applied to college, I would have been fine with whatever they chose.  I'm proud of my kids.

What if they had chosen NOT to go to college at all?  What if they had chosen no higher education?

[Anonymous]

After we did everything we could, and he turned 18, if he wanted to go out on his own, flip burgers or whatever, that was fine.  Instead what he wanted was two years at a prep boarding school and a good college education.

He wanted that after a lifetime of private schools, boarding schools, therapeutic schools, emotional growth schools.  How could he have any idea what he wanted?  You programmed him from birth for "success".

[Anonymous]

What if they had chosen NOT to go to college at all? What if they had chosen no higher education?

Because he's an elitist, remember?

[Karass]

My son's issues were not compatible with a psych hospital.

Mine had bona-fide, diagnosed mental health issues that were being treated on an outpatient basis. When his substance abuse issues became genuinely frightening, we tried to check him into in-patient detox/rehab locally and he was 100% willing and wanted help at that point. They wouldn't take him because of "dual diagnosis." They were only in business to deal with substance abuse, not multiple problems. But his mental health issues were being treated with drugs & therapy and seemed to be pretty well under control -- it was the extreme substance abuse, which most likely began as a symptom of the other issues (before they were treated) that really needed attention. Fucking useless morons with fancy degrees!

When your kid says, "dad I want to stop, I don't want to keep living like this, but I don't know how," and when you're thinking that maybe you won't be there to rush him to the ER next time he comes too close to the edge, then you start to get desperate. When 12-step meetings turn out to be bullshit, and when the IOP turns out to be just a way to meet new dealers and develop new addictions to drugs he hadn't done yet, as a parent who loves your kid more than anything, you start to lose it. You start to think that maybe some really radical things might be in order.

And you become easy prey for The Industry.

[Anonymous]

You programmed him from birth for "success".

Thats the feeling I was getting too. It's the norm in that particular slice of american culture.

[Charly]

There wasn't much chance of that.  Both of them were always very motivated students.  If they had not been, that would have been fine, too.
I'm not preoccupied with what they achieve.  However, I know that they are very motivated and very interested in being around like-minded peers.  This meant smart and motivated peers.  My son, in particular, can't stand stupid people. You are free to attribute this to me pushing them, but it isn't the case.  If anything, I had to dial them down a little so they didn't take on too much.  
Being a lawyer is probably the least of what I believe I have personally achieved.  That's not how I define myself and I hope my kids don't define themselves by their professions-  well, maybe my daughter should.

[Charly]

We gave him the OPPORTUNITY for success.  You can't program a kid, despite what you might think.  If you could, I sure did a bad job of it!  He got kicked out of pre-school!  
If giving a smart, talented kid all the opportunities you can provide is a bad thing, I plead guilty.

[Anonymous]

Do you feel an elitist/arrogant attitude is a good thing, or was that part of the reason you sent him to the program? Maybe it's just me, but it sounds like you say that as a badge of honor or something.

[Anonymous]

If giving a smart, talented kid all the opportunities you can provide is a bad thing, I plead guilty.

Well I think the concern is that kids start getting defined by their accomplishments, which are relatively meaningless in the whole scheme of things but take on an exagerated meaning. The whole kids killing themselves over grades phenomenon thing.

[Charly]

No, the elitist/arrogant attitude has been a problem for him for some time, and is some of what led to believing he didn't have to follow school, family or governmental rules.  I don't think it is a good thing and he still is working on it.  It is not a trait his other family members have.  He knows it offends a lot of people, but for some reason, a lot of his peers put up with it.  It made Carlbrook staff crazy.

[Anonymous]

There wasn't much chance of that.  Both of them were always very motivated students.

Groomed.

 

If they had not been, that would have been fine, too.

Oh, please.  Who are you kidding?  We've read your crap for the past few years and are fully aware of how important your kids' success is to you.

[Anonymous]

No, the elitist/arrogant attitude has been a problem for him for some time, and is some of what led to believing he didn't have to follow school, family or governmental rules.  I don't think it is a good thing and he still is working on it. It is not a trait his other family members have. He knows it offends a lot of people, but for some reason, a lot of his peers put up with it.  It made Carlbrook staff crazy.

 :rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl: