The all caps comments didn't say Amanda's adopted parents had been asked for help and refused. It just said they weren't providing that help.
It doesn't matter if they (allegedly) have insurance coverage on her if she isn't getting the use of it.
If my child had had a serious falling out with me, and I knew she was in contact with another adult, and I knew she was going to college and trying to work her way through, I would send that adult a letter and ask if my child would mind if I contacted the school, found out the amount of tuition and fees per term, and sent it directly to the school as an advance check for each term, to be applied to the next term she actually enrolled.
Then, presuming I *didn't* get a "go to hell I won't take your money on a silver platter" letter, I'd contact the school, explain the situation, and put the money in an account for her. I'd also explain that I did not want to know anything about her that would violate FERPA, that all I'd want to know when I called each term is if I needed to send more money for there to be a sufficient credit balance in her account to fund another term. If I had to, I'd coordinate through the office of financial aid and run it as one of those narrowly defined scholarships that are written so narrowly they effectively only apply to one person.
What I *wouldn't* do is wait to be asked.
I'm more concerned with my kid getting a good education and having a good life than whether she thanks or praises or hugs me for it.
Of course I want my child's love. But *first*, I love my child.
But I don't think of it as "slanderous" against her parents that they apparently aren't providing that to her.
The fact is, they've all had a falling out, family relationships are very intensely emotional, and the only information *I* took from them not providing help was that she was apparently handling the situation well on her own.
Did the all-caps commentary sound grumpy about them? Sure. But I just took that with a grain of "family relationships are intensely emotional" salt.
Geez, you'd think you had never had a fight with members of *your* family. Haven't you ever heard your family members talk when one or two of them are having a squabble with one or two others? Haven't you ever learned to "weed out" that extra emotional content when you talk to some of the people *in* the squabble?
You must either have the most placid family relationships known to mankind or horribly acerbic ones if you can't just take a little grumpiness in stride.
And *please* don't give me anymore of the song and dance about who is and who isn't family. We've heard it. (Lord, have we heard it! :smile: ) You're all extended family (in however convoluted a way)---you wouldn't grump at each other so much if you weren't.
Timoclea
