PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???

[molly]

Hi,

This is my first post to Fornits.  Last week my son's therapist suggested that I send him away to one of the Hyde boarding schools beginning in September of this year because he has ADD and sometimes misbehaves.  I mentioned the therapist's  suggestion to a friend from Connecticut where one of the campuses is located and she seemed very concerned that I would even consider sending my child to Hyde.  According to my friend, the students are sometimes treated ruthlessly and the administration leaves a lot to be desired.  When I told my son's therapist what my friend had said, he responded that she must be out of her mind and that Hyde would be perfect for my son.  My friend is not out of her mind.  Still, I know no one who has sent their child to Hyde and I only have one friend (the one who lives in Connecticut) who has ever heard of the school.  I'm afraid that if I don't apply to Hyde now it will be to late but I absolutely do not want to send my son to a school that is as doctrinaire as my friend describes Hyde as being.  

Does anyone here know anything about Hyde?

PLEASE HELP!

Molly

[Samara]

No. And dump your therapist.  

I know the brochures and the website look good, but so do the ads for smoking.  The analogy is very similar.

[Shadyacres]

If you want your son to be completely demoralized and have his self respect brutally ripped from him, then yes, by all means, send him away.  Those people do not care about him, they only care about your money.  They can ruthlessly bully and intimidate him into conformity for you, but that will cause psychological damage which will follow him throughout his life.  My mother did it to me, you do not want to do that to your son.  There is a whole forum full of Hyde School threads here, here is one of them;  
viewtopic.php?f=43&t=28219&start=0

[Inculcated]

Molly,
I’m really glad you’ve followed up on the concerns voiced by your friend about Hyde School, and while definitely I agree with their assessment of Hyde School program as being doctrinaire; I’ll leave it to others more informed on the details to elaborate on.

I will offer you another consideration (which happens to also be both an indicator and result of the authorities of this particular closed environment self serving duplicity at the expense of their students) by pointing out that they seem to have had quite a lot of troubling reports ranging from inappropriate sexual contact to rape perpetrated by staff. Still more troubling than the nature and number of these accounts is the way that the Hyde School Administrators has dealt with this over the years.

See this thread for but one recent example of discussion on the topic posted by Hydemom:
 Sexual assaults and inappropriate behavior by Hyde Staff

[molly]

Thanks so much to everyone who has replied.

I showed this forum to my husband who is very pro-Hyde based upon the therapist's recommendation.  My husband feels that because most of the threads are a few years old that Hyde must have changed and that the people who abused the students are probably gone.  

Does anyone know whether Hyde is still as compromised as it was a few years ago or has it changed course and become a humanistic, welcoming and yet academically rigorous place?  If it has not changed appreciably, I can probably dissuade my husband from pursuing it further.

Thanks so much.

Molly

[Inculcated]

Wow, he’s already been able to read through the provided threads and the linked testimony at Heal and ISAC and other Hyde specific sites and to cross check the names of the staff mentioned with the current roster in all of approximately fifteen minutes…seems he’s already made up his mind or that you need to take the lead on the research toward an informed decision.

[molly]

Dear Inculcated,

He did not read the entire threads but dismissed them because he was concerned that they contained outdated information.  I am taking the lead in the research but my husband still has a vote and his vote is likely to be buttressed by the therapist's perception that Hyde is an excellent school.  I should have noted that the therapist has stated that he is currently treating Hyde students and that the school has done them a world of good.  I'll try to locate the other websites that you mentioned.  

Thanks so much!

Molly

[heretik]

Dear Inculcated,

He did not read the entire threads but dismissed them because he was concerned that they contained outdated information.  I am taking the lead in the research but my husband still has a vote and his vote is likely to be buttressed by the therapist's perception that Hyde is an excellent school.  I should have noted that the therapist has stated that he is currently treating Hyde students and that the school has done them a world of good.  I'll try to locate the other websites that you mentioned.  

Thanks so much!

Molly

Molly,

Hey I was reading this thread and came away with one concern and it was actually in your last response to Inculcated 2nd sentence, " I am taking the lead in the research but my husband still has a vote and his vote is likely to be buttressed by the therapist's perception that Hyde is an excellent school". Here is my concern, I understand that you are looking for a better situation for your child because you are concerned about his inabilities to function within normal parameters. What I have found from reading on this site, other sites and from my own experience is that 2 parents will probably always disagree at first about where there son should go or not go. Fear is the major stumbling block, parents are sort of passive/aggressive when it comes to fear. The fear I am talking about is what brought you here. Your intuition led you here, you want to know what is going on out in the Troubled Teen Industry and what schools they have to offer.
Molly, be careful and be overly assertive in your quest for documented information from these schools. There are so many schools (including Hyde) that are not giving children the education or therapeutic tools for coping they advertised. The employees they hire are barely qualified if at all to perform the duties they were hired for.
Last point, the only buttress your convictions should be supported by are your sons. He is the most important person here, not you or your husband. Make sure please you remember that you will be handing off your son to another to craft and shape. (IMO) I just have not found that a child needs to be placed anywhere. That with more creativity your husband, your son, local facilities and yourself can deal with whatever problems your son is having. Yes I does take an enormous amount of patience and time and it will alter lifestyles for a while but it is worth it.
Check out your community for help, go see another psychiatrist for a second opinion. Please get more information.

Thanks for reading if you did.

[molly]

Dear Heretik,

Thank you so much for your clarifying post.  Obviously, I am very anxious about the school situation or I would not be answering responses so soon after they are posted.  Unfortunately, I had never heard of "the troubled teen industry" until today.  Call me naive but I truly had no idea that such an element existed.  Until about a day ago, I only knew that my son's therapist thought that one of the Hyde schools would benefit him and that my friend in Connecticut was appalled at the idea that I would even consider such an option.  I had googled "reviews Hyde School" and found reports that were largely positive.  It was only today that I noticed that some of the sites that I had ignored on my internet searches were those listing schools for troubled kids and I only checked these sites because I was looking more deeply after hearing my friend's concerns about Hyde.   I feel like an idiot now but I thought that Hyde had been mistakenly included on such sites because although my son has ADD and he can be difficult or lazy, I couldn't imagine his therapist thinking that he belonged at a school for troubled kids.  My husband does not like researching things on the internet but if I do the legwork and find reasonably timely information on Hyde he will most likely read it.  At this point, he has decided to call the therapist next week and ask him to share more of what he knows about Hyde.

Sincerely, Molly

[Ursus]

Hi,

This is my first post to Fornits.  Last week my son's therapist suggested that I send him away to one of the Hyde boarding schools beginning in September of this year because he has ADD and sometimes misbehaves.  I mentioned the therapist's  suggestion to a friend from Connecticut where one of the campuses is located and she seemed very concerned that I would even consider sending my child to Hyde.  According to my friend, the students are sometimes treated ruthlessly and the administration leaves a lot to be desired.  When I told my son's therapist what my friend had said, he responded that she must be out of her mind and that Hyde would be perfect for my son.  My friend is not out of her mind.  Still, I know no one who has sent their child to Hyde and I only have one friend (the one who lives in Connecticut) who has ever heard of the school.  I'm afraid that if I don't apply to Hyde now it will be to late but I absolutely do not want to send my son to a school that is as doctrinaire as my friend describes Hyde as being.  

Does anyone here know anything about Hyde?

PLEASE HELP!

Molly

If he has ADD, a "doctrinaire" environment, as you put it, would probably not be the best choice, imo.

I am concerned that your son's therapist is so adamant about Hyde School being an appropriate environment for your son, if I understand you correctly. Most therapists that I know (admittedly not many) are not so vested in so specific a destination. Does this therapist have personal ties to Hyde?

Have you considered just a "regular" boarding school, if an "environmental change" is hoped to be of help?

[Ursus]

Thanks so much to everyone who has replied.

I showed this forum to my husband who is very pro-Hyde based upon the therapist's recommendation. My husband feels that because most of the threads are a few years old that Hyde must have changed and that the people who abused the students are probably gone.

Does anyone know whether Hyde is still as compromised as it was a few years ago or has it changed course and become a humanistic, welcoming and yet academically rigorous place? If it has not changed appreciably, I can probably dissuade my husband from pursuing it further.

Thanks so much.

Molly

I should qualify what I'm about to say as to a personal bias against Hyde School, based on my personal (and ultimately quite negative) experience there, so please feel free to take what I say with a healthy grain of salt.

There are many reasons why people may have opted not to update information, which include personal intimidation and Hyde's highly acclaimed peer pressure occurring behind the scenes. Let's not forget the emotional blackmail — all those dirty little secrets that kids and their parents are "pressured" into "discussing" in group. Although, it must also be said that some folk really get off on that stuff, and find that it gives their lives more "meaning." Just sayin' !

As to Hyde metamorphizing into "a humanistic, welcoming and yet academically rigorous place," I'll eat my best bear suit, if that proves to be the case.

The thing is, a place like Hyde operates under the dictates of a particular ideology. That ideology has not changed. The key Administration, many of who were indoctrinated in the system while they themselves were Hyde students, has changed but little. Whether or not particular lower echelon staff are or are not still there ... says more about the staff turnover rate than it says anything about conditions conducive or not conducive to abuse.

[Ursus]

Dear Inculcated,

He did not read the entire threads but dismissed them because he was concerned that they contained outdated information. I am taking the lead in the research but my husband still has a vote and his vote is likely to be buttressed by the therapist's perception that Hyde is an excellent school. I should have noted that the therapist has stated that he is currently treating Hyde students and that the school has done them a world of good. I'll try to locate the other websites that you mentioned.

Thanks so much!

Molly

Just curious, Molly, 'bout how your son's therapist is "currently treating Hyde students," when your inference in your first post above is that you reside nowhere near either of Hyde's two boarding school campuses?

I take it that this therapist is not treating students recovering from the aftermath of Hyde School (of which, incidentally, there are not a few)?

Does this therapist receive a referral fee for each student shipped off to Hyde? Does his own kid or other relative currently attend, or had attended previously? Jes askin' !

If I were you, I'd get a second opinion before committing to a decision, one way or the other. Moreover, I'd certainly ask your son's current therapist as to exactly what his connections to Hyde School are. It can't hurt to know...

[Oscar]

I would certainly hesitate.

Recently we had a downing accident with 13 students and 2 teachers from a Danish boarding school. Due to a massive rescue involving half of our helicopter rescue force all but one teacher was rescued.

They went out in a boat not suited to open and icy waters. They had only normal clothes and a swim vest on. 6 ended up in coma and all were hospitalized for a period. The students seem to survive.

Everybody with just a little knowledge think that it is certain suicide to go out without survival suit when there are in face ice on the ocean.

Still the students think that their teacher is a hero. Despite the stay in hospital the parents would not hesitate to send their children off again.

Everyone involved with the school thinks that it was OK to go out that day. How can you create a group of students highly motivated to participate in a suicide mission?

The answer: Isolation.

During the first 3 month they dont have access to cell phones in their dorms and no own laptop with facebook or myspace. Ordinary letters are almost not used in Denmark anymore. Our politicians are considering to change the law so the mailservice can settle with delivering mail 2-3 times per week when it is not commercial.

When you isolate people in a community where everybody is closed and forced to live 24/7 you can very easy create a community where the rules are so different that they would be unaccetable in the normal society. And remember : Lundby Efterskole is not boarding school targeted at at-risk teenagers. Of course some are smuggled into the boarding school by the social services. It is normal for the social services and the courts to hide the past of a student before they present the student to the boarding school, because group homes or youth prisons are costly. They strike a deal with the teenager so it becomes a year in a boarding school with no incidents in return of removing the records. But most of the students are normal teenagers wanting to excel in sports or in outdoor education.

I guess that Hyde for a start would restrict you from communicating with your child freely until your child have caught the Hyde spirit just as Lundby do with their students until they think that they are superhumans.

I would never risk sending my child to a boarding school unless I can communicate with my child every single evening on a cell phone after this incident. Opposite the parents at Lundby who didn't even know that their children were out on the ocean, I want to be able to stop crazy stunts before they happen and potential hurt my child.

I don't know your child, but I guess that you are strong enough to withstand his pleas even when they come uncensored to you through a cell phone. Then why not choose a normal boarding school where you can talk to your child without a staff member present?

Some of parents down at Lundby have started to understand what they have allowed to happen. They have doubts about their decision to allow boarding school in the first place. However, it could have been to late for them. Don't make their mistake.

[Inculcated]

Dear Inculcated,He did not read the entire threads but dismissed them because he was concerned that they contained outdated information. I am taking the lead in the research but my husband still has a vote and his vote is likely to be buttressed by the therapist's perception that Hyde is an excellent school.  I should have noted that the therapist has stated that he is currently treating Hyde students and that the school has done them a world of good.  I'll try to locate the other websites that you mentioned.  Thanks so much! Molly

Ah, I see. Well, I suppose that gang rape mentioned on the Hyde School is Hell on earth link is so four years ago.
Excerpted from the wall post:

…one of the girls in my wing got gang-raped and mccrann told everyone if we said anything to our parents we would be in more trouble than we'd ever known. obviously i told my parents, and look what happened? mccrann got fired…

The good news is that McCrann was reportedly fired. (That was a prudent move as the word got out anyway.) The bad news is that there was a gang rape and staff tried to exhort the students to conceal knowledge of this from their parents. The news that is relevant to your situation is that while no mention in this case of whether the victim was accused by staff of being culpable makes it a somewhat atypical example of how Hyde has chosen to deal with such crimes over the years—the attempted cover up with threats to the students is not an unfamiliar theme.
How’s that for character building?

I think the other posters have pretty much raised the other pointed concerns about the therapist’s recommendation of Hyde School for your child w/ ADD --that I completely agree that any parent should consider with care.

[Ursus]

The good news is that McCrann was reportedly fired.

Fwiw, although Hyde seems to have taken pains to allow that impression, Hyde never fires a good kool-aid guzzler. Perhaps over administrative power struggles, yes, absolutely. But for "minor" transgressions and faux pas such as this? Pffft.

The "guilty" party in question might have to go away and ponder great questions such as the meaning of life, the consequences of their actions and what-not, but they're always not only welcome back, but expected back, as long as they're still drinking the kool-aid.

Given that Duncan McCrann's salary plus benefits (not including housing, etc. which was probably free) was roughly $166,000 in 2006, I imagine that he was quite happy to continue drinking the kool-aid. I don't know if he actually even left Hyde, but his role as "Head of School" appears to have ended in the aftermath of this incident.

I've never quite figured out whether such directives were for the supposed benefit of the alleged offender or a savvy public relations move, but I s'pose it all depends on the situation and the personnel involved.

Anyway... Duncan McCrann returned to Hyde, or just assumed other duties at Hyde, shortly after the above incident and was there until 2008 or so (the gang rape was reported to have occurred in 2006). From what I've been able to discern from my research (not having overlapped with the man), he was involved with Hyde Schools for approximately twelve years in one capacity or another, starting in 1996.

In 2008, he left to become President and COO of the Houston area location of the KIPP Charter School network (another nightmare of but slightly different hue), leaving earlier this year to form his own EdCon firm, "specializing in school growth, mangagement and operations." Apparently not specializing in spelling. [Right... Rip me for my standards for what an "education professional" puts on their online resumé. I should be so honored. ]