Author Topic: Post Program Discussion  (Read 8933 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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Post Program Discussion
« on: April 19, 2007, 05:43:40 PM »
Our daughter has been out of her program going on almost two years now.  And she is slowly -  very slowly - beginning to share details of her stay there.

She was not as unfortunate as many.  She was not systematically abused.  She was never hit.  Never denied meals or water.  And so on ... but there are components of her story and experience that still make me very angry.  Angry at me.  Angry at the staff.  Angry at the program.  Angry at the whole industry.  Sorry ... I digress.

She came crying to me one day and said that she had to "unload".  I held my breath and tried to conceal the panic that I felt.  She said that all of the "stuff" that she had told her therapist ... and consequently told us was mostly untruth.  All those shocking confessions of 'deviant' behavior.  Yes she did some drugs ... but not the extent that she told us while in her program.  Yes, she was involved sexually ... but not as promiscuously as she told us while in her program.  Yes she was running with a "tough" crowd ... but they weren't doing as much delinquent behavior as she had claimed while in her program.  

My first thought was what I had read here in terms of being 'brainwashed' into confessing to all sorts of untrue stuff.  That you were 'compelled' to confess in order to survive .  Ya know ... "gotta work the program".

But as she dialogged about her motivations to tell these stories, she feels that she did it more to "fit in" with the rough/tough crowd that makes up the rosters in TBS's and EGBS's.  Hmmm.

Poor kid.

The only thing she really struggled with was depression, cutting and  suicidal ideations.  And some normal teenage angst ... and the normal teenage autonomous behaviors.  

So.  It was an interesting conversation.  I am blessed that she is sharing this with me now.  I know that.  It speaks about her resilience and tenacity.  It speaks about her ability to forgive our horrible choice.  

It makes me all the more determined to speak out against institutionalizing our kids.
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Offline Truth Searcher

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« Reply #1 on: April 19, 2007, 05:44:51 PM »
I wasn't logged in ... my bad ... but that was most post.
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quot;The test of the morality of a society is what is does for it\'s children\"

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Offline psy

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Post Program Discussion
« Reply #2 on: April 19, 2007, 05:53:57 PM »
Well... Thank you for listening to her.  A lot of parents could learn from you.  People make mistakes. I've forgiven my parents for the most part... They didn't know what they were sending me into.

A lot of survivors would probably disagree with me...  I can understand why. In program I was told my parents didn't give a shit about me.  I had nightmares that my own mother was coming to kill me...

That doesn't wear off easily.
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Benchmark Young Adult School - bad place [archive.org link]
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"Our services are free; we do not make a profit. Parents of troubled teens ourselves, PURE strives to create a safe haven of truth and reality." - Sue Scheff - August 13th, 2007 (fukkin surreal)

Offline Deborah

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« Reply #3 on: April 19, 2007, 06:32:34 PM »
Your willingness to listen and apologize will go a long way in undoing what was done. And to build trust, which the program promises but doesn't deliver.
How old was she when she entered? It seems to be much harder for the younger ones, particularly the peer pressure.
There is research that discourages the aggregation of distressed kids, for one of the reasons you mentioned- adopting other habits/behaviors to 'fit in'.
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gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Hidden Lake Academy, after operating 12 years unlicensed will now be monitored by the state. Access information on the Federal Class Action lawsuit against HLA here: http://www.fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?t=17700

Offline exhausted

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« Reply #4 on: April 19, 2007, 06:34:17 PM »
Which is why I am always saying not to bash the parents all the time, parents make bad choices sometimes, especially when they're trusting the experts to give them the right advice

These programs really need to be concentrated on not just for the abuse they dish out to the kids, but also to the unwitting parents, it changes everyone's relationship, jees
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #5 on: April 19, 2007, 06:43:02 PM »
These programs, are not "the experts". They are known as an alternative to traditional treatment.
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Offline exhausted

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« Reply #6 on: April 19, 2007, 06:57:11 PM »
When I say experts, I am talking of the therapists that refer them in the first place - the ones who gain financially from it, I can understand why a parent would trust a person they have paid and who is qualified to do the best for their child's mental health, taken their advice - and the brochures make it all look oh so lovely dontcha think?
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #7 on: April 19, 2007, 06:58:56 PM »
Hi, new to this forum... are you a program survivor, exhausted?
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Offline psy

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« Reply #8 on: April 19, 2007, 07:05:13 PM »
Quote from: ""Guest""
Hi, new to this forum... are you a program survivor, exhausted?


No, but I am.  she is a parent who decided not to make a really big mistake.  So she's a parent, but not a program parent.
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Benchmark Young Adult School - bad place [archive.org link]
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Offline exhausted

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« Reply #9 on: April 19, 2007, 07:26:52 PM »
I'm an abused childhood survivor if that helps any - also a nearly ex program parent who did her research first (Thankyou fornits again)

And welcome to the most heated forum on the net lol  :D
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #10 on: April 19, 2007, 07:50:32 PM »
Quote from: ""exhausted""
When I say experts, I am talking of the therapists that refer them in the first place - the ones who gain financially from it, I can understand why a parent would trust a person they have paid and who is qualified to do the best for their child's mental health, taken their advice - and the brochures make it all look oh so lovely dontcha think?


 I think most parents find out about these programs from program parent referrers, "Educational consultants", the internet, and Tv shows. It shows, in many cases, they purposely neglected contacting professionals and decided that they, as a parent, were apt enough to decide whether their child needed long term inpatient "care". "The professionals" don't lock a kid up for a year or two just because they smoke weed and steal cars. These private programs are more of a private juvenile justice system than a treatment system, because they aren't trying to rehabilitate. They are trying to punish and change behaviors they consider unsatisfactory. That is not how treatment works. Professionals do not send kids to go camping for 10 weeks for anorexia or bulimia. Professionals do not recommend sending a kid to Tranquility Bay for smoking pot and ditching school. The parents are seeking an option that should not exist, that being the unilateral right to lock their children in a private prison for no legitimate reason. It's precisely the lack of professionalism that leads to this. The entire industry is run by greedy businessmen, staff and program owners trained within the private program industry, and kids who go through it, and end up working for them or starting their own (you know since, they 'know how it all works' and all that :roll: )
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Offline psy

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« Reply #11 on: April 19, 2007, 07:57:40 PM »
Quote from: ""Guest""
Quote from: ""exhausted""
When I say experts, I am talking of the therapists that refer them in the first place - the ones who gain financially from it, I can understand why a parent would trust a person they have paid and who is qualified to do the best for their child's mental health, taken their advice - and the brochures make it all look oh so lovely dontcha think?

 I think most parents find out about these programs from program parent referrers, "Educational consultants", the internet, and Tv shows. It shows, in many cases, they purposely neglected contacting professionals

You know how many kids I knew who'se psychologists recommended contacting educational consultants.  That industry has a good PR department.  It is not exactly widely known that the industry is completely unregulated.  Parents assume that these are professionals since they have fancy titles.

Quote
and decided that they, as a parent, were apt enough to decide whether their child needed long term inpatient "care". "The professionals" don't lock a kid up for a year or two just because they smoke weed and steal cars. These private programs are more of a private juvenile justice system than a treatment system, because they aren't trying to rehabilitate. They are trying to punish and change behaviors they consider unsatisfactory. That is not how treatment works. Professionals do not send kids to go camping for 10 weeks for anorexia or bulimia. Professionals do not recommend sending a kid to Tranquility Bay for smoking pot and ditching school.

Well what about professionals like those at the Dept of State... who referred me to Benchmark and a shitload of others to WWASP, CEDU, and are currently referring to Aspen schools...

The bitch who referred me... Anne Weiss.. Was very very wise to retire as soon as my dad started to file complaints about her after Benchmark.. Becuase I wanted her fucking head on a spike.  I would recommend anybody else who was referred by the DoS to take similar action.

Quote
The parents are seeking an option that should not exist, that being the unilateral right to lock their children in a private prison for no legitimate reason. It's precisely the lack of professionalism that leads to this. The entire industry is run by greedy businessmen, staff and program owners trained within the private program industry, and kids who go through it, and end up working for them or starting their own (you know since, they 'know how it all works' and all that :roll: )


Far too well.  And i've seen the most abused of em say "if my kid ever needed it, i'd send em to Benchmark".... and i'm just blown over by that... Program kids becoming program parents.  In some people, the brainwashing is permanant.  Lifton noted it's not common, but it happens... Some people, even after being removed from the thought reform enviornment, never snap out at all.  Of course it helps that this particular person still talks to her staff counselor on a frequent basis...  These people, who the brainwashing lasts on, for whom program becomes home, are the "queen bees"... off to go start a new hive.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Benchmark Young Adult School - bad place [archive.org link]
Sue Scheff Truth - Blog on Sue Scheff
"Our services are free; we do not make a profit. Parents of troubled teens ourselves, PURE strives to create a safe haven of truth and reality." - Sue Scheff - August 13th, 2007 (fukkin surreal)

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #12 on: April 19, 2007, 08:03:20 PM »
Quote from: ""Guest""
These programs, are not "the experts". They are known as an alternative to traditional treatment.

Yes VERY poor choice of words there, thank you for pointing that out. It's this kind of crap that really makes me wonder where you're coming from, exhausted.
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Offline Antigen

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« Reply #13 on: April 19, 2007, 08:04:13 PM »
Quote from: ""psy""
Far too well. And i've seen the most abused of em say "if my kid ever needed it, i'd send em to Benchmark".... and i'm just blown over by that... Program kids becoming program parents. In some people, the brainwashing is permanant. Lifton noted it's not common, but it happens... Some people, even after being removed from the thought reform enviornment, never snap out at all. Of course it helps that this particular person still talks to her staff counselor on a frequent basis... These people, who the brainwashing lasts on, for whom program becomes home, are the "queen bees"... off to go start a new hive.


Yup. Out of five kids and two parents, I've got a brother and a mother like that.
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Offline psy

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« Reply #14 on: April 19, 2007, 08:09:18 PM »
Quote from: ""Antigen's Ghost""
Quote from: ""psy""
Far too well. And i've seen the most abused of em say "if my kid ever needed it, i'd send em to Benchmark".... and i'm just blown over by that... Program kids becoming program parents. In some people, the brainwashing is permanant. Lifton noted it's not common, but it happens... Some people, even after being removed from the thought reform enviornment, never snap out at all. Of course it helps that this particular person still talks to her staff counselor on a frequent basis... These people, who the brainwashing lasts on, for whom program becomes home, are the "queen bees"... off to go start a new hive.

Yup. Out of five kids and two parents, I've got a brother and a mother like that.


My feeling is it's down to time and pressure.  The person in question was there for about 2.5 years...  (12 months program my ass)

I was in for a year...  I wonder what i'd be like if I was there for 2+ years....  Oh yeah.. and she was still a level 1 after all that time...  Go figure.  Not her fault though.  They kept upgrading and downgrading her....  teaching a depressed girl the values of hard work...  The shit they did to her was beyond sick...  so far beyond sick...
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Benchmark Young Adult School - bad place [archive.org link]
Sue Scheff Truth - Blog on Sue Scheff
"Our services are free; we do not make a profit. Parents of troubled teens ourselves, PURE strives to create a safe haven of truth and reality." - Sue Scheff - August 13th, 2007 (fukkin surreal)