ARE there any good facilities for my daughter???

[hollyhawk]

My 17-year-old daughter (let's call her Hope)is in severe crisis on many levels and my ex-husband and I are trying to find help for her. Hope's a senior in high school.  She's very bright and ambitious, intending to go to a good college in the fall. However, over the summer, Hope became addicted to meth and also became bulimic and anorexic. Before that, she was drinking. Hope would get so drunk and abusive that her close circle of friends dropped her. She started hanging out with druggies and lowlifes, sneaking out at night, using, and sleeping around. Although Hope has been seeing a psychiatrist for depression, anxiety, and paranoia, I discovered that she wasn't taking her medications at all.  Her grades up until summer were honor roll caliber and most of her classes were Advanced Placement. This fall Hope's school attendance dropped drastically, often because she couldn't get up in the morning due to drug withdrawal. Now she's getting C's, D's & F's, mostly due to poor attendance and zero ambition. She tells lies constantly.  I know this because I have the password to her online journals, and know what she's really doing. I also know how desperately Hope has tried to stop using, but slips back because of addiction not helped by her bad-influence friends.  She has considered suicide and sometimes cuts herself.  As her mom, I am horrified at her dramatic decline, but she has nothing but contempt for me, and under the influence, has even beat me up on 4 occasions.  Twice I had to call the police.  She defies even the simplest rules at home. I admit to being a lax disciplinarian, but my mellow live-and-let-live attitude is NOT helping my daughter. At the moment, she's at a local hospital on 72-hour-hold.  Obviously, Hope is out of control and self-destructive!  Today my ex and I visited the hopital social worker, who praised Provo Canyon School to the skies. At first blush, it sounded wonderful. (We're in Los Angeles, by the way.)  But now that I have read alot of the horrific stuff written about PCS  online, it sounds like a snake pit I wouldn't even send a snake to.  Now, the complaints COULD be from a bunch of whining malcontents with an axe to grind, but somehow, I don't think so.  Therefore my question remains: is there a suitable residential place with a truly good reputation?!!!!  I am open to suggestions, everyone.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations on checking these facilities out. Many of us parents failed to do so properly, and our children wound up worse off, if you can begin to imagine that. I have no advice for a "good" facility--but caution you to be aware, please. Our daughter was abused at the so-called school we were referred to, and we are now involved in a criminal trial against the owner. I am so sorry for the problems you are having, but placing your daughter in an abusive situation can only make matter worse for your entire family.

[try another castle]

http://www.fornits.baremetal.com/wwf/vi ... 4&forum=11

Son of Serbia mentions a few schools in Vermont. I myself can't vouch for them because I've never been there, but it's a start.

[bandit1978]

Thank you for investigating Provo Canyon School.

PCS does NOT provide a theraputic environment, contrary to what they may say.  

It sounds like your daughter has some problems, and I know you must be terrified.  PCS (and, it seems, many other programs) doesn't help anyone with their "issues" or "problems".  Instead it serves like a punishment-  the kid gets sent there, and, out of sheer terror and for the purposes of survival, may begin acting more subdued and complacent, and eventually leave the program.  

Then what?  The kid has not learned any skills useful in real life.  (except maybe how to clean a bathroom).  Most of the time, they have not even addressed the real issues causing their behavior- because PCS is not a reality-based program.  

You daughter is going through a vulnerable time, and what she needs is not a "punishment", but maybe some constructive, professional assistance.  

Or you could just wait and let her work it out herself- however painful that may be.  

I'm sorry I cannot provide more information about alternatives.  The only other thing I could mention is traditional boarding school- I also attended one of those, and it was great!

Good luck.  Please email me if you have any further questions.

[Anonymous]

I am a program graduate and am more that willing to offer an non-bias perspective of the pro's and con's of programs.  I will say that the program did entirely change my life, and that I am now an extremely sucessful individual.  If you would like to speak respond with an e-mail adress.

[trnsz]

I just found this forum yesterday ... It's 5am and I haven't slept all night.  I've been reading this forum and it's brought back memories... the horrible ones and the good ones.

I implore you to read my full thread (http://http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?topic=12812&forum=44) and to private message me here.  If I understand the timeline correctly your daughter will be soon released from the hospital and you will have to decide what to do.

I want to you contact me here via private message.  I want to give you my phone number and speak to you personally about my experiences in the WWASPS Samoa program (which was shut down due to abuse).  

I want to make it clear that while I was never physically abused, the emotional toll of the event is still felt.  While initially (and for about 5 years) I had mixed feelings about the program, I will now say that it was nothing more than additional trauma in that troubled time in my past, and I will always remember it as time that was stolen from me.

I'm not famaliar with the particular program you speak of, but if it anything like what I (and others here) went through ... it just makes my heart sink!

I was in as a teenager.  I'm now almost 26, living my own life, but I'm just beginning to deal with the emotional scars left from the experience, and it's totally destroyed my family.  I know that even as I quickly approach 30, it's an experience I'll never forget, and it was as unpositive as anything you can imagine.  It'll stick with me for the rest of my life too.  

It's hard to imagine, but I've not slept properly now for something like 8 years, and I didn't sleep well before the program.  My mind is always racing, and it's hard to explain.  I sometimes overanalyze things like people with OCD, and always have to make sure to have an escape plan (for every situation, room, job, etc.)  I always watch my back and later got a black belt (in Tang Soo Do) because I was so unsettled by the "abduction" and transport that I have to be ready to kick ass at a moments notice or I don't feel secure, but otherwise have managed to move on to be a somewhat "productive" member of society. =)  I'm just starting to get over some of these things.

With these kind of results being a possibility, I can't see how anyone could consider such a program an option for their child!  Please, please, contact me via private message so I can give you a telephone call and candidly discuss my program experience and what I recommend you do before you send your daughter, whom it's obvious you love very much, to an uncertain fate.  I don't think you want her to never talk to you again.  I don't think you want her to hate you.  I know you don't want to her feel "weird" for the rest of her life.

While my 'behavior' had changed after the program, I was overflowing with rage and hatred and it took quite awhile for those thoughts to subside.  I've never had violent thoughts before, but thankfully don't have them any longer.

Don't feel like there is nothing left you can do!  There is always hope - no pun intended.

[Anonymous]

Any parent consider placing their kids in a program should read this list of warning signs:

http://www.isaccorp.org/warningsigns.html

[Anonymous]

I agree you should check out alternatives.  And, there are some fine places, although on this forum most of what you will read are negatives -  even some references to demonstrably inaccurate information.  

No facility dealing with kids having the issues involved here will have 100% success.  Most students at the better places will "get it", learn, and go on to happy and useful lives.  A few will fight to the end and blame everybody but themselves for all the world's ills.

Submitting a defense of PCS on this forum seems pointless, although I have heard positive things from people with good judgment.  Also note that it is not a small place, and has been in existance for some time, so should be expected to have enough malcontent alumni to seem like a lot while only a timy minority.  Of course, there is no way to tell for sure.

I would recommend an intensive intervention for a HS senior approaching the age (18, generally) when they can legally avoid any help.  I'd check a bit more, perhaps even visiting in person, but might well go with PCS.  Certainly I'd not suggest you go on any single source -- least of all anonymous.  And I'd not recommend any one place here in any event.  The one "blanket" comment would be to avoid WWASPS.

[Anonymous]

On 2005-11-28 21:29:00, Anonymous wrote:

"I am a program graduate and am more that willing to offer an non-bias perspective of the pro's and con's of programs.  I will say that the program did entirely change my life, and that I am now an extremely sucessful individual.  If you would like to speak respond with an e-mail adress."

NORMAL people don't talk like this. You refer to the program you were sent to as 'the program'? Why not tell us what the program is here to benefit all of us? Go back in your hole troll, no referal fees to be made here, you sick freak.  :skull:

[Anonymous]

Submitting a defense of PCS on this forum seems pointless, although I have heard positive things from people with good judgment.

These comments show your bad judgement. I've been to a WWASP gulag as well as a brief stay at PCS, and they are one in the same. Private kiddy prisons run by mormon freaks who belong in jail. They use coercion, both physical, emotional and psychological to break down teens into compliant robots - using force!

I'd check a bit more, perhaps even visiting in person, but might well go with PCS.

Perhaps... PERHAPS?!? Wow, you must really love your kid.  :roll:

[Anonymous]

On 2005-11-28 17:28:00, hollyhawk wrote:

"My 17-year-old daughter (let's call her Hope)is in severe crisis on many levels and my ex-husband and I are trying to find help for her. Hope's a senior in high school.  She's very bright and ambitious, intending to go to a good college in the fall. However, over the summer, Hope became addicted to meth and also became bulimic and anorexic. Before that, she was drinking. Hope would get so drunk and abusive that her close circle of friends dropped her. She started hanging out with druggies and lowlifes, sneaking out at night, using, and sleeping around. Although Hope has been seeing a psychiatrist for depression, anxiety, and paranoia, I discovered that she wasn't taking her medications at all.  Her grades up until summer were honor roll caliber and most of her classes were Advanced Placement. This fall Hope's school attendance dropped drastically, often because she couldn't get up in the morning due to drug withdrawal. Now she's getting C's, D's & F's, mostly due to poor attendance and zero ambition. She tells lies constantly.  I know this because I have the password to her online journals, and know what she's really doing. I also know how desperately Hope has tried to stop using, but slips back because of addiction not helped by her bad-influence friends.  She has considered suicide and sometimes cuts herself.  As her mom, I am horrified at her dramatic decline, but she has nothing but contempt for me, and under the influence, has even beat me up on 4 occasions.  Twice I had to call the police.  She defies even the simplest rules at home. I admit to being a lax disciplinarian, but my mellow live-and-let-live attitude is NOT helping my daughter. At the moment, she's at a local hospital on 72-hour-hold.  Obviously, Hope is out of control and self-destructive!  Today my ex and I visited the hopital social worker, who praised Provo Canyon School to the skies. At first blush, it sounded wonderful. (We're in Los Angeles, by the way.)  But now that I have read alot of the horrific stuff written about PCS  online, it sounds like a snake pit I wouldn't even send a snake to.  Now, the complaints COULD be from a bunch of whining malcontents with an axe to grind, but somehow, I don't think so.  Therefore my question remains: is there a suitable residential place with a truly good reputation?!!!!  I am open to suggestions, everyone. "

First I'd stop reading her private journal. She is an adult for all practical purposes, so I would respect her privacy.

Sending your daughter to PCS or a similar program would be a waste of time. PCS will lock your daughter up until she turns 18, and you can imagine the scenario after that.

Parents always think it's the kid's friends who corrupt them, and by getting them away that will solve the problem. This isn't true, so don't expect sending her away to solve anything.

If she is in a 72 hour hold, the psychiatrist will definitely be arranging aftercare, etc. Most psychiatrists are not familiar with long term out of state programs, so their advice is useless.

If she is on 72 hour hold, that means she is in a hospital. Why not ask them about a longer term program. Perhaps day treatment, or a 28 day inpatient program. If you have medical insurance and your daughter is truly as bad as you say, then any psychiatrist would be willing to sign off on an inpatient stay. That way professionals can help her, in a hospital setting.

Unless you are just out to punish her and make her life hell, then by all means, send her to a program.

be strong.

[Anonymous]

Mother of depressed child. May I suggest you take a very close look at yourself and what you and your ex bring to this table of dysfuntion.The kids always carry the burden of their parents problems. Work on yourself and your child's problems will improve. If yopu child is cutting herself is is crying out and depressed.

Mercy Ministries in Missouri is for girls. No abuse there.

[Anonymous]

Is there anything constructive your daughter loves to do? What are her dreams? Maybe after some intense family counseling involving both of you, you could take her on an exciting trip (her choice of destination, of course). If you consider how much you will spend on a "program", taking a few months off for an adventure is cheap by comparison. There are still many interesting & safe places in the world to see and enjoy. You sound like you really love your daughter, perhaps it's time to be her friend as well as her mom. No program, regardless of how non-abusive, can take the place of a loving parent. Please do not abandon your daughter to strangers.

[CCM girl 1989]

Dear Hollyhawk,

The first thing you need to tackle is getting your daughter off drugs. It seems like she is maybe a little chemically imbalanced, and since she is not taking her medication, and found street drugs to substitute it, it's spun her out of control. What medications did the doctor prescribe her? There has to be a 2 week detox you can enroll her in. Once that is tackled, you need to get her back on her medication (or experiment with new ones to find the one that works best for her). Ask her why she wasn't taking the last medication prescribed to her? It's always possible she was having a side effect from it. I've been on several medications, but it's of no use to tell you what worked for me, because we are all chemically made up differently. I no longer use medication, but there was a time in my life when it did good things for me.
 
I'm not sure what your situation is now, as far as work goes, or if you have gotten remarried? I'm a little curious about you. Are you making time for you, and your daughter? Are you away from home a lot? Often times, the problem isn't the child but the parent. You need to both go to therapy. Seperately, and together. You need to do things with your daughter, things she enjoys. You need to let her know how much you love her, and you want to help her get better, and back on track. You need to make her your #1 priority.

As far as programs go........well, nobody is ever going to take care of your daughter, and love her the same way you do. Trusting a bunch of strangers with the care of your daughter, is not a smart thing to do. It's different with detox centers, and I cannot tell you why? Sorry, I haven't a clue? Maybe it's because the goal is getting you off drugs, and it's not a long term facility?

A little about me.....I am 32 years old, went to my first program at the age of 12, which was called Heritage School located in Provo, UT. I spents 3 1/2 years there, and was then sent directly to Cross Creek Manor in La Verkin, UT. I ran away after almost a year there, and never went back. My Aunt, and Uncle ended up taking me in, and I finished my H.S. then went on to a couple years of J.C., they changed my life. I felt loved for the first time, we would have our occasional fights, and for the first year after such a fight, I would be asking them if they wanted me to pack my bags, and leave? They'd be like NO, we just got in a little disagreement?!! Anyway, there are others out there in your postion, and they don't take the easy way out. Please try and solve the issues your daughter is having, on your own.

Good Luck!

Randi

[trnsz]

http://www.isaccorp.org/warningsigns.html

This is a fantastic resource, because it's my own experience that WWASPS programs fit 35 out of the 40 items in that list.  

Also look at http://http://www.isaccorp.org/watchlist.html before selecting a program, and avoid programs both listed and similar to those listed.

While I am of the belief that occasional drug use is part of growing up, I'm also the first to acknowledge that if your child has psychological issues or disorders, getting her off whatever "drugs" she might be on is an issue of paramount importance, and ANY illicit drug use by someone in her situation can have devestating consequences.  

I've found that sometimes it takes a lot of maturity to be able to understand that just because friends might be able to use drugs without significant ill consequences, anyone with psychological disorders, depression, or mental illness almost certaintly CAN NOT.  Being able to resist these urges will mean some major emotional growth for your daughter, and she needs to be comfortable with and understand herself so she can separate herself from the "group mind" of her peers, and see herself as an individual.  

That is, in my opinion, the most important step in recovery.  This is opposite of what programs do -- External coersion that forces integration into the program group, and molding that "group mind" to the views of the program, often using the opinions of the group as a measure of 'success'.  It's sick.

A short term detox center without a religious background or affiliation might be my recommendation if she is currently hospitalized.  Of course, I really want you to private message me so I can call you and speak to you!  While I'm not a doctor or a professional, I've been through programs and know alot of people, and I believe that AA/NA/Alanon/Alateen probably is not your daughters answer.  

As far as the substance abuse goes, I'd suggest that you look into Rational Recovery (1).  I believe it's an excellent program.
 
Other ones which I am less famaliar with but have heard more good results than bad are Women For Sobriety (2) and SMART Recovery.  They reject labeling and use non-religious approach, and their web site provides much information and resources, with credible references (3).  Forums mods - I hope I am not violating the rules here "recommending" a program (edit away if so), but if you look, most of these programs offer self-help, meetings, and services free of charge to those in need, without a "forced" commitment.

Compare this to most programs' information! You can look at the videos on the SMART web site to help decide if SMART might help (4).  The irony here is that the views of these organizations are often 180 DEGREES OPPOSITE from what you'll hear from "programs".

To close this up, I've found there are lots of things to try at home, and I'd like to discuss those options with you.  Please contact me via private message!

You should also be aware of the recent US National Institue for Health study, which all but discredits the kind of programs so hotly debated here. (5)  Avoid WWASPS and similar programs at all costs.

(1) http://http://www.rational.org/
(2) http://http://www.womenforsobriety.org/
(3) http://http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/faq.htm
(4) http://http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/learnaboutsmart.htm
(5) http://http://www.isaccorp.org/documents/ineffective.pdf