I really don't know anyone in the area my parents live? I was engaged, so I lived with my fiance for four years. When we broke it off, I moved into an apartment in an ok/ affordable neighborhood where I was assaulted. Right after getting out of PV at eighteen, my mother was being her normal horrible self, and she kicked me out. I moved in with a twenty seven year old who also wanted to get married. I had no where else to go and my parents gave me no money. They were very supportive of me being with the twenty seven year old, my mother to this day says I broke his heart and such and he was the nicest quality person. Now as an adult, still younger than him, I think it is sick and I don't see what a eighteen year old wife could possibly have to offer an adult? When she kicked me out at eighteen, i had no car and the boyfriend left for work early so I had no way to get to my college classes. I still need to retake a class from then to graduate, from the state school I had to transfer too. I was going to an all womens private college but my father was such a bastard about the cost I had to transfer to the state school, which cost me time and credits. It was implied that if I did I might get to move out but no luck.
I can't live on campus beacause I am accepted as a continuing education adult student, probably because I have next to no highschool credits, I am afraid to list behavioral prison camp!! I know literally no-one in the area my parents live, where I moved home too after being assaulted. I am older then most of the kids in school and I don't talk about such things at work. I live of campus and just go for classes, I work and go to school all the time. I am simply going to start canvassing the area for potential roommates, they can't be worse than these. My parents also gave me no money while I was living with fiance number two. I get payed part time at work, so I get paid nothing and no health care, which my father bitches about all the time, even though I have given them over a thousand dollars sense Christmas. I also still work about thirty hours a week. I try to give them money but there is no change in their behavior. I try to be nice, walk on eggshells and such, but they are still very abusive. The only reason I moved home at all, assault or not is because my parents told me some big story about buying a condo to retire in that i could live in until they decided to move out of the house they have now. It was a done deal, but of course got home, no condo. If I want to finish in a year I have to go to school full time, or almost, and therefore, I can't afford to live. I need a roommate ASAP, I think, then I could almost afford to live. My parents again, have a brand new sixty thousand dollar Mercedes, we are hardly poor although the way my father acts, you would think we are destitute. I've been reading a great book on brainwashing and wow do they ever use it in places like PV, my family is like the Soviet KGB what fun. I am terrified of these people, and I already have post traumatic stress. You know how you feel when you have butterflies in your stomach, I feel like that all the time. I feel really scared all the time, I have this hollow feeling right between my rib cage, not some I am hollow inside melodrama, the feeling you get when you stand on the high dive and look down, It's a big ball of anxiety. I can't sleep I have nightmares, so I am exhausted a lot and I have my psycho mother, bursting into my room to yell about trash bags, or everytime I go downstairs to eat picking at how I take the milk out of the fridge, I'm not exagerating, it's five things everytime I go down to get food. not normal nagging, it's violent and everytime I say anything it gets really violent. she stands really close to you too, I'm neat too, so she has nothing to yell about but she does anyway, anyone you can find something if you look hard enough? I have only stayed here because It thought I could put up with it till I graduated, but I forgot how horrible they are, I think we want to believe our family are good people, but I have realized these people are not anything like good people, I am having trouble even seeing the good in them. THis actully is good I feel less guilty, not because I want to, I was always ready to take all the guilt and have them be ok, but because they are so over the top even denial can't ignore them. Interestingly too, and I am not nuts, my computer crashed! The exact same thing happened last time I tried to post stuff about PV. For no reason, I don't down load music or anything. It didn't even catch a virus it just crashed, it won't even turn on now, although it froze for a while, I have access to other computers though of course. What does that mean? nothing I guess although it seems to much coincidence for it to have happened twice when I posted stuff about PV, over a period of time? It doesn't crash for no reason any other time? Is that possible? It can't be? I would be careful though what I say anywhere, though.
