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Offline `

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« on: May 11, 2005, 02:57:00 AM »
okay that was me, running way low on weed. i am in a bad way. so you know it will not be easy for me to explain anything right now! having damn crying in the public library! but i had my sunglasses with me, so it's midnight in the library, sure i need sunglasses because of the glare from the computer screen. but problematic this week is the oh i stopped myself from self-injury. good for me. but it is disturbing to think of the things i think of. so give me some weed.

what i really started this thread for. to debunk once and for all the "get over it" myth. the thing is, i wouldn't trust myself! or my own perception of my own reasons for the things that are not right in my life! but I am telling you, i am hearing it from people here: it was painful then. it has been painful since then. it is very confusing trying to put one's history together! the role we played then, and what we see now, from the perspective of years! people hurt, they really really hurt, and you know, it would be absolutely cruel for anyone to say that is unreasonable. time does not heal all wounds. kindness heals wounds.

way back in 1997, a friend of mine held my hand when i was upset. i am so not good at that. but see, i remember it now.

we are trying to figure out what we learned in Straight, and all the before Straight and after Straight. it is very confusing! we know. no one can tell us we don't know. and that is what i need. that is why i like meeting people here.

there are people here who are suicidal. we can say all the damn things we want about whatever, but not one of us in our hearts wants another person on that list. so please, don't break my heart anymore than it is already broken.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline starry-eyed pirate

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« Reply #1 on: May 11, 2005, 11:19:00 AM »
fka,
     i reckon i aint sophisticated enough yet to figure out how to just quote one sentence from your posting instead of the whole thing, so i'll just type it in one letter at a time,so i will.  "Time doesn't heal all wounds, kindness does".  Right on sister.  i know you're struggling to see through the dust and the dark.  Keep looking inward.  That's where you'll find the truth.  
      i think it was Socrates who said: "know thyself", only i think he said it in Greek.  Over the years i've wondered what he meant by this.  and now i'm not sure, but i think maybe he meant that when you know yourself then you begin to recognize the way you project yourself; your own ideas and beliefs onto the world.  As long as you  are projecting yourself onto the world then you are not seeing the world as it is.  You are only seeing reflections of your own ego.  It's kinda like if the truth were on the other side of a piece of glass and you were looking at the glass, seeing only your own reflection, instead of looking through the glass and seeing the truth of the world.  As you begin to recognize the illusion, the Buddhists call it maya, of the ego, then it naturally begins to fall away, confusion falls away. When you know yourself then you know the world too. Trust your instincts.  Keep looking inward.  "Know thyself".


                     -starry-eyed pirate
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end.  People are not commodities.  When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.

Offline GregFL

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« Reply #2 on: May 11, 2005, 11:46:00 AM »
Pirate, hit the Quote button, then place your cursor on the text and backspace over what you want to delete, leaving only the text you wish to quote. Be sure not to delete the quote marks or it will mess up your formating.

FKA, good luck getting this crap straight in your mind. Life is short. "get over it" is a callous statement for someone to make. But getting over the pain of your past is the biggest gift you can give yourself. Taking the lessons from the past and putting them in their proper perspective, that is, how does what happened when you were a child relate to your present day life? It is a process FKA, to identify the negative baggage you carry for whatever reason (this discussion is about the "program" baggage) and learn to let go of it. It doesn't mean forget it, it doesn't mean dismiss it, it means understand it and take the negative effects that you carry with you and put them back there where they belong, on the teenage kid you were. Hyperfocusing on this negative time in your life is not conducive to being a productive happy person.

I saw a saying about a year ago that I just thought was brilliant, and it was this;

"let go or be dragged".
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #3 on: May 11, 2005, 12:33:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-05-10 23:57:00, fka wrote:

"okay that was me, running way low on weed. i am in a bad way. so you know it will not be easy for me to explain anything right now! having damn crying in the public library! but i had my sunglasses with me, so it's midnight in the library, sure i need sunglasses because of the glare from the computer screen. but problematic this week is the oh i stopped myself from self-injury. good for me. but it is disturbing to think of the things i think of. so give me some weed.

what i really started this thread for. to debunk once and for all the "get over it" myth. the thing is, i wouldn't trust myself! or my own perception of my own reasons for the things that are not right in my life! but I am telling you, i am hearing it from people here: it was painful then. it has been painful since then. it is very confusing trying to put one's history together! the role we played then, and what we see now, from the perspective of years! people hurt, they really really hurt, and you know, it would be absolutely cruel for anyone to say that is unreasonable. time does not heal all wounds. now.

we are trying to figure out what we learned in Straight, and all the before Straight and after Straight. it is very confusing! we know. no one can tell us we don't know. and that is what i need. that is why i like meeting people here.

there are people here who are suicidal. we can say all the damn things we want about whatever, but not one of us in our hearts wants another person on that list. so please, don't break my heart anymore than it is already broken.
"


See, I'm not bugging you Piet.  Kudos to me for remaining quiet during your troubled times.

Seriously though, I wish you nothing but the best.
Good luck with your blunt hunt.

Your personal troll.
 :wave:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline starry-eyed pirate

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« Reply #4 on: May 11, 2005, 12:39:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-05-11 08:46:00, GregFL wrote:

"Pirate, hit the Quote button
                                                                                             
"let go or be dragged"."

 
    i have a good freind who's an old timer and rather a poetic drunk who says "the bird has wings to fly but the real trick is in the letting go of the branch 'cause that tree's just too dang heavy.
      Thanx, Greg,...i think it worked, but how do i surround the quote w/my own words and what if i want to quote multiple times in one reply.  Maybe this is obvious or something and i'm just not seeing it. Here let me show you what i mean; this is how i wanted to respond:

          Thanx, Greg,
               Now let me see here..."pirate, hit the quote button", i think it's working

               
..."let go or be dragged".              
               

           i've got a good freind, he's an old timer and a rather poetic drunk who says "the birds' got wings to fly, but the real trick is in the letting go of the branch, 'cause that tree's just too dang heavy"
            - slightly perplexed by technology.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end.  People are not commodities.  When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.

Offline PerfectStraightling

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« Reply #5 on: May 11, 2005, 12:49:00 PM »
I've got a take on this. Of course it's easy right now because nobody's post has hit a nerve at the moment.  

Telling people to "Get over it" is the same as telling people they are "full of shit." It's just another something to feel bad about and another something that we have done wrong. How is making someone feel bad, supposed to make them feel better?

I think the people that go around saying "get over it," say that because that's what they say to themselves, and they think it's supposed to help. (But it doesn't). Grieving is a process, that takes time, but it has an ending. How you get there is by grieving, by feeling really horrible for a while. Then it fades away. So what? I like being able to be upset, for a long time I didn't know that I could be upset. I saw that as a sign of weakness. Then I started having panic attacks and hyperventilating all the time. So obviously, that does not work for me. Either let it out, or it will eat you for lunch. Lets come up with some four word cliche for that!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline GregFL

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« Reply #6 on: May 11, 2005, 01:37:00 PM »
I hate the term "get over it".

All at once it dismisses the way you feel, it belittles your emotions, and it stops all conversation.

Working within yourself to let go of the negative effects of your past is another story.

However, lets say when you are a kid you get in a fight with someone and do them wrong, lets say you punch them and give them a black eye. You apologize. 10 years you see them and apologize again. They cry. 20 years later they are still crying and blaming this incident on all their failures. How about they call you once a month and want to rehash the incident? At what point do you get frustrated and just blurt out something insensitive?

I don't know, none of us are perfect. Some of us have limits to bullshit, and some people seem to get stuck in the past worse than others. There are no easy answers. I can say this with certainty tho, if you were injured or done wrong in the program, and I was to an extreme level, it is counterproductive to blame the experience on your current mental condition. You can overcome it. but it is a process, you can't just say "I am letting go" and viola, it dissapears.

One other note, sometimes this process causes more problems than it solves. Most people that come here I think take away positives from confronting this part of their past, coming to terms with things they thought were true and find out they were wrong or find that others validate their private thoughts on this confusing unique experience we share.

 However,  I have seen examples of people who have sucessfully buried this crap in their past, come to these message boards and then wallow in this shit. I think I did it myself for a short period of time when I first found Ginger,  Kathy, Ken and Wes.  If this describes you, do yourself a favor and take a break from the website. Take up another hobby or talk to someone that can help you thru it. I would hate to think someone out there is hurting and this message board is facilitating that.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline GregFL

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« Reply #7 on: May 11, 2005, 01:44:00 PM »
Quote
     Thanx, Greg,...i think it worked, but how do i surround the quote w/my own words and what if i want to quote multiple times in one reply.  Maybe this is obvious or something and i'm just not seeing it. Here let me show you what i mean; this is how i wanted to respond:





experience with message boards helps. the start of a quote has the word quote in brackets. You reply to the first quote, then you  would need to start the new quote with one of those, paste the quoted words  after it, and then follow it with the the final quote in brackets, the one that looks like this  /quote but remember, it has to be in brackets.  

You may screw it up at first. After a while, you will figure it out. If you make a major formatting error, it will screw up the whole page. Not to worry, when a moderator sees it, they will correct it for you.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline starry-eyed pirate

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« Reply #8 on: May 11, 2005, 02:13:00 PM »
thanx.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end.  People are not commodities.  When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.

Offline Antigen

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« Reply #9 on: May 11, 2005, 02:33:00 PM »
Know what FKA? Brian doesn't take anyone else seriously either. He seems to think it's perfectly fittin and propper to take down this site and 'other forums' so that nobody can use it unless I go to work for him, deleting everything he posts and any reference to him by anyone under any of his aliases. I have to wonder if that's the reason why Don's suddenly changed his policy so that you have to be approved to gain access to his site?

Again, fuck that. So what can I really do to stop him? I'm not calling leo. No way. So, if he's serious, ya'll can expect the site to go down or be very flooded at some point. Then I have to write more code to defeat various methods and madness. Ok. Whatever.

FKA, I don't think you know this guy as well as you think you do.

In any civilized society, it is every citizen's responsibility to obey just laws.  But at the same time, it is every citizen's responsibility to disobey unjust laws.
--Martin Luther King

« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
"Don\'t let the past remind us of what we are not now."
~ Crosby Stills Nash & Young, Sweet Judy Blue Eyes

Offline GregFL

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« Reply #10 on: May 11, 2005, 03:23:00 PM »
Is this thread about Brian?

I thought fka was talking about herself.
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Offline infanalyst

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« Reply #11 on: May 11, 2005, 03:28:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-05-11 08:19:00, starry-eyed pirate wrote:


      i think it was Socrates who said: "know thyself", only i think he said it in Greek.  



I thought it was The Oracle in The Matrix... and her sign up in the kitchen  :grin:

Quote
continued...
Over the years i've wondered what he meant by this.  and now i'm not sure, but i think maybe he meant that when you know yourself then you begin to recognize the way you project yourself; your own ideas and beliefs onto the world.  As long as you  are projecting yourself onto the world then you are not seeing the world as it is.  You are only seeing reflections of your own ego.  It's kinda like if the truth were on the other side of a piece of glass and you were looking at the glass, seeing only your own reflection, instead of looking through the glass and seeing the truth of the world.  As you begin to recognize the illusion, the Buddhists call it maya, of the ego, then it naturally begins to fall away, confusion falls away. When you know yourself then you know the world too. Trust your instincts.  Keep looking inward.  "Know thyself".

                     -starry-eyed pirate





Remember you can't bend the spoon, for that would be impossible... Instead, only try and realize the truth... There is no spoon.

Aloha,
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Brent Lewis
American "War on Drugs" P.O.W.
5/17/86-12/2/87
Straight - DC (Springfield)

Offline PerfectStraightling

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« Reply #12 on: May 11, 2005, 04:11:00 PM »
:grin:  I love the Matrix. One of my favorite movies. I know another one that will leave you thinking for days about this stuff--Solaris (the 1972 Russian one).
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Offline PerfectStraightling

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« Reply #13 on: May 12, 2005, 05:57:00 PM »
Regarding the whole animals contraversy...I can't find the original post, but I didn't really MIND him so much until I think he told me that I  deserved to die or something like that. Honestly I don't even remember what he said, but it wasn't something that I really liked too much. Carmel stood up for me. I think the flooding thing gets old. I don't think about it that much, but I feel the need to stand up for other people when he attacks them. I don't care about what he thinks, or how outrageous he is. But I don't like being attacked.
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Offline PerfectStraightling

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« Reply #14 on: May 12, 2005, 06:08:00 PM »
And I don't really think he has DID.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »