The effect that I still fucking suffer from the ol monkeyfarm goes like this:
We got told your feelings this your feelings that ,share your feelings,how do you feel about that,dont you have any feelings,I bet you have a lot of feelings,feelings,feelings feel, felt,feelings fucking feelings...........and so it became that I was too(god I hate to use this word) aware,of my own emotional bullshit to the point of It running my fucking life,clouding every tiny decision,complicating every aspect.This is str8s most profound and troubling effect on me.I spent the better part of a decade,shooting a lot of dope,and trying like hell to be well...LESS in touch with all that touchy feely bullshit.
As for faking it,yeah I did a shit-load of that,I mean I never got high on my phases,but when I started school again I was fucking girls there,and strangly not feeling guilty for it.I was concerned that Id get busted for it and started over,but MY thinking went something like If I dont go into group looking all panic filled,these fucks aint gonna know.I just went into group like everything was groovy,and for me it was.I mean I was like the cat that swallowed the canary. I always knew my whole program I would get high again,but I sure as fuck wasnt gonna spout that truth off in some horseshit therapy. Now the wheels of life Do turn,and I do drink,(some would say too much) dont get high,but thats my idea,my choice.I would say I didnt get much good from str8,but I do see the point of not throwing the baby out with the bathwater.