If you guys need to believe what your saying in order to deal with your actions at that time, so be it. But, I don't think that guilt and shame are a bad thing. If you feel it then maybe that's because you deserve it. In time you should learn to accept it and become a stronger person, so that in your current lives you don't end up being the conforming cowards that you were then.
Thanks.
I took alot of abuse for months and the only abuse I gave was given to those who heaped it upon me. Refusing to accept the abuse caused me to pay a hell of a price, all day everyday. I guess that's why it doesn't bother me that much now. But for those of you who refused to pay the price then, I guess you're paying it now.
Yeah.
I find some comfort in that.
O.
I was younger than most of you, so I don't think youth is an excuse. Don't get me wrong,
I think I might
I almost feel sorry for finding comfort in your pain. But, not quite. It's taken me years to realize that although I took an inordinate amount of the physical abuse because of my unwillingness to conform and dish out abuse, it is that very fact that saved me from the guilt and shame you guys now have to live with. So I say feel the pain. Embrace the pain. Then learn to deal with it and forgive yourself if you have changed. Or you can continue to be the weak, cowardly individuals that you were and off yourselves. But either way, show a little respect and don't minimize the pain I took by justifying your reasons for causing it.
O this is the hard part. Sorry, didn't mean to minimize your pain. I guess, much like I never meant to hurt you in $tr8. To be honest you make it all so much more difficult. But you are right, to a certain degree. The thing is though, I have to keep on livin and though your suggestion to off myself is more tempting all the time I continue to struggle every day. So thanks for the insightful condescension.
What can I say, uhh...yeah you make it real difficult, cause you keep throwin it in my face. I have to wonder about it and question everything. No fun. Maybe it's just a difficult subject to ponder...the past. What's been done, what was done, how we coped, and how we live with it now... the things we had to do...
I'm much more comfortable wearing the identity of the righteous victim of $tr8 but I have to also wear the chains of guilt and shame for my own crimes.
It's not your fault or mine or poor shaggy there who seems to have also suffered greatly from $tr8. Hey Shaggy, keep postin man....this place is alright.
Anyway, there is much to be learned...
I hope you get what I'm sayin then. I know I never should have motivated, never should have accepted the cult, but I did and I never meant to hurt anyone, yeah, so maybe that was cowardly, but I am not gonna accept the responsibility for $tr8, because they were holding me there against my will and controlling every aspect of my environment, leaving me, few options, which I quickly ran through. You handled it better than most of us, if not all, wouldn't some humility go nicely with that.
yeah, it would. Sorry, I'm gettin all harsh again, somethin aint sittin right. Whose fault is it ?? You make me out to be some pussy coward and that aint right. I took a lot of abuse in there too, a lot. I was even isolated from the group during the days and kept in an intake room while I was on sleep deprivation at night in the host home and all that goes along with that. I think they were not only hoping to break me but also remove my influence from the group, cause I was respected and leading a small revolt at the time. Don't try to tell me that I need to deal with my shame and guilt just cause I don't care for your arrogance.
No really, I aint tryin to be a dick, I don't have to try... but I aint takin that back neither.
Peace.