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Elan School / The ring
« on: August 09, 2003, 04:32:00 PM »
LMFAO!
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i pissed some people off, so anyway i know i went like at least five rounds, robin w, karen q, dawn m,maryjane h,and judy h i think,sandy n, i know i went rounds with a couple of them at least twice and when no more girls wanted to fight
On 2003-07-23 10:35:00, jackie wrote:
"ya your right, my self esteem, my behaviours, and my overall view of life were extremely altered by my "elan experiance". i was a pretty good kid that didnt have any structure before i went into elan,
That s all they need.. If that was your flaw, then that is whta they would work with.. Whatever one flaw that you had was their way in you.
ya i had my share of problems and was smoking pot and drinking, but i never had ANY consequences whatsoever. Elan was my first consequence. I was 13 when i went in there, and simply a mixed up misdirected kid.
When i left, i was a violent 17 year old woman, hell bent on self destruction because of feelings of worthlessness and not knowing how to cope with life.
When I left I was a 17 year old man, with a very similar experience. I was suddenly self-destructive, and knowinly so.. I kinda got high of of it in a way... and I was also more violent then I had ever been before( I was generally a pretty peaceful guy) I had less control over my emotiuons then I had ever had, but it makes sense as one of the things that they teach you in there, albeit subliminally, is that emotions are primary to thought, and that you should more or less sacrificxe yourself to any minor emotin that you have, as though it is all important.
They can use your ego against you here, by challenging you .. They paint a picture that if you can sink into your emotions, then you are not facing them, and you are weak. In actuality, the proper application of a person s mind, to be who they WISH to be, and not just the PRODUCT, of any random emotiuon that comes up is where real Strength is"
sometimes i feel like im still there,
LOL!! You are not the only one.. I never felt like I got out of there.. For years, afterward, it was as though, I built a world on the outside world, while still feeling like I was inside. I ll be honest with ya; I was scared of those people. If they can get away with this, what the hell else can they get away with? These are the people who rule the world.. They don t contribute to it, but they seem to be able to get away with anything taht they wish. Now, to me.. That is so me scary shit.. How much work would it take for assholes like that to convince a group of people that the literal death of another was in the best interest of society? These are questions that I asked while in there.. but I do remember having some sort of sense that my mind was being affected by the program at the time, and that these fear weher not justified.
the self worth issue is still at hand, i went through abusive relationship after relationship, my ex husband being the last one.
I ve had similar situations.. LOL!! For years after, I have found myself working at occupations, that are somehow reminicaint of old Daytop.
I know taht there are a few reasons for this.
Kinda like that U2 song, Stuck in a Mment"
i never learned the things that most kids being teenagers were learning. ok so, tell me, what was i suppose to learn there :question: im still totally messed up in the head and in therapy trying to figure things out, i still cant remember alot of my stay there,
< I > I hope to remember it all. it s a big challenge, and I m scared hsit, but that s what I m going for.. At this point, I odn t yet remember much.
but from what ive heard from people i wasnt a bad person i was just a screwed up kid, and at 37, i still am :flame: "
Again.... Best Wishes!
On 2003-07-23 10:37:00, jackie wrote:
"oh ya and thanks paul, you have alot of insight and it really does help :smile: "
On 2003-07-23 01:15:00, Anonymous wrote:
"well said.. "
im also fairly sure that the elan , and daytop concepts were sound in theory
On 2003-07-23 10:27:00, jackie wrote:
or, you shouldnt try to make your parents feel guilty for something that is all your fault, you put yourself here, not them.
i know i damn sure didnt think much of myself there, especially being told what a piece of crap i was and how i didnt deserve anything and how i was such a bad person"
especially being told what a piece of crap
how i didnt deserve anything and how i was such a bad person
how i was such a bad person