Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

Well you seethe problem is that he strayed from AARC.While he was in AARC "His disease was outside doing push ups". So since his disease became so much stronger by the time he strayed from AARC the inevitable happened which is that he ended up "deadinsaneor - in jail!"

See? If you ever stray from AARC that's what happens. Case proven.

And  that is how Open Meeting will start out...

Because they can't prove it.  And anyone who could investigate and try to prove it won't or can't get close enough.

It saddens me that so many people are so doubtful that Dean Vause and the rest of AARC's staff will not have to face the same criminal charges the rest of the world does when breaking the law! You have no idea what kind of evidence may be out there and how intensive of an investigation can go on! The reason why AARC has had such little regulation all of these years is because the people coming forward were doing so sporadically and often to the wrong sources who were unsure of how to deal with the situation. Since there wasn't the public pressure to investigate like there has been since The Fifth Estate, those authorities pushed the issue aside waiting to hear more from youth before taking action. If you know of, suffered from, or witnessed any illegal activity or abuse within AARC, it's really in your hands to have the issue investigated.

The image that AARC as an ever powerful force that can not be destroyed with an entourage of an expensive legal team, public support, and government connections is false. Such support, even when purchased, is easily lost when the person your supporting starts to make your own career look bad. Remember who it was who fed us the illusion that they were powerful and untouchable.

These are some great points being discussed regarding AARC and the avoidance of dealing with it within Alberta. Its focusing on the big picture though that Alberta needs a government regulated facility so that "desperate parents" don't have to run to a privately licensed facility. Often facilities for teens know they aren't dealing with true addicts and that they are essentially babysitting and trying to help a family through a phase they haven't been able to deal with, but at least they are doing so in safe ways.

The focus at this moment however needs to be "This is a problem, who is going to take charge and deal with it? Where was the breakdown in the system that let this go unregulated for so long, and how are we going to change that?"

Fortunately there are some positive changes happening in Alberta! We need to give thanks to those who are helping to make them happen, and not focus on how the issue was avoided before. It may FEEL like change is happening too slowly, but for those directly involved I think it's fair to say that it actually is happening very fast.

Every time another person speaks with the proper authorities we are one day closer to being rid of homes with barred windows.

Hey mel, what fucking disease u talking about.  Don't tell me you believe in that drug abuse is a disease.  That disease theory of drug abuse is a crock of shit.

Exactly. I'm not a defected person either and I have no problem with feeling lust, being proud of myself, or feeling anger. The rubber chicken created me with all of those emotions for a reason.

Woof - Fo0r a long time I was anti forgiveness. I thought it was a fluffy word, and that people who cause immense harm shouldn't be forgiven, that healing meant staying away from those people and moving on with life. Accepting that it happened to you and learning from it.

Over time I've learned a lot about forgiveness and am often surprised about the people I'm able to truly forgive. The people I've been actually been able to have contact with and settle things with in person, I was able to do so because I became aware of their thought process and accepted them for what they lacked. I found that when I'm carrying a chip on my shoulder, the only way to replace that negative energy which I don't really want to be carrying, is to be able to care for the person who caused the suffering. An example would be someone who abandoned me at a crucial time and caused me much pain along with inconvenience, and then continued to become more and more selfish every time I tried to rely on him again. I saw him for who he was and understood he was unable to be around anybody "in need" including himself, and whenever he suffers he covers it up with egotism. Now when I see his head swelling I know he's suffering and I extend my hand out to him, instead of having the attitude "Well where was he when I needed him?". I know that it's the only way he will ever be able to heal, and I know that I would suffer if I stayed angry.

Another AARC victim and I were discussing forgiving Dean Vause and the "clinicals" and peers etc. That's such a huge thing to think about and most of us can only take such big of steps towards this. We were discussing praying for the people we "hate" and meditating on sending them joy so that they can experience it. We came to the agreement that while neither of us could truly feel the need to assist our abusers in finding true happiness, what we could truly feel was the need for those people to see their lives and actions with absolute clarity - which is a step towards peace. If they could see where they went wrong, and feel what harmed they've caused, and if they could change themselves... Everyone would benefit from that.

The "war" against these abusive centers continues, and of course everyone who caused harm needs to be held accountable for that and stopped. But to spend my time thinking "I hope he burns and suffers and is tortured like we were" won't do anybody any good... Selfishly (in the positive sense) I know that it won't do ME any good. So instead I focus on hoping that everyone who has been through this hell - the programmed people who continued the programming included - gets to have clarity and be freed from this awful cycle of abuse so it can come to an end.

Thank you for posting your experiences. I was just talking with someone yesterday about how hard it is to forget the things said in Girls Rap, and how sometimes you can feel that the girls experience was real, but also you don't know all the time what was real and what was said in order to "progress". Either way, all of the incidents were disturbing and should be discussed in private with a professional. Not only we not handled by professionals, but I recall being sent to Host Homes after just having hearing stories of child abuse/incest including members of the Host families.

Thanks again for coming forward.

Lastnight I had about a 3 hour conversation with my mother after we'd both seen The Fifth Estate. The show was hard to watch for all of us - whether you are currently a part of AARC or are speaking against it. My mother is wrapping her head around it still and doing the right thing by speaking with uninvolved people to get some perspective from them. I imagine it's very hard for a parent to understand because they weren't in the center the way that we were, and also hard to accept that they may have placed their child in a facility of us.

I highly suggest to go back to advice most parents have heard from the get go - which is talk to your kid & listen. Ask open questions and let them do most of the talking. Sit down in a comfortable place and ask them about what they think of it without giving your perspective first. It doesn't matter if you plan on attending an Open Meeting right after the graduation, what will it hurt to have a long open conversation that has no motives other than connecting with one another?

The show stirred up emotions in everyone, and it's personally benefited my family to let them all spill out.

I'm neither a parent nor a counselor, but if I can connect honestly with my mother, anybody can!