What you got away with...

[ehm]

Something that comes to mind that I used to do "against my conscience? was to flip staff off in my pockets as I walked the opposite direction of them, or stood at a door, and scream ?FUCK YOU!!!? in my head. Perhaps this was part of the ?separating myself from the group? I got confronted for frequently. I knew I didn?t like anyone, except a select few. I knew the program was bullshit. Was this small shred of rebellion my saving grace?  I mean, I still graduated the place thinking that if I accidentally inhaled nail polish fumes I was on the road to hardcore drug use. Which by the way wasn?t far off considering that I was shooting up a year and a half after the program as a result of this ?rebellious attitude.? I was still brainwashed.

It seems that after Straight I adopted an attitude of ?all or nothing? in which I was either ?practicing my program? or fucked beyond comprehension. Either way you look at it it?s an enormous loss of the ability to think on your own.  Did my inner resistance, coupled with my outer acceptance, contribute to self-sabotage? Hmmm?

So, what did you get away with?

[RTP2003]

I was shooting up a year and a half after the program as a result of this ?rebellious attitude.? I was still brainwashed.



It seems that after Straight I adopted an attitude of ?all or nothing? in which I was either ?practicing my program? or fucked beyond comprehension. Either way you look at it it?s an enormous loss of the ability to think on your own.  Did my inner resistance, coupled with my outer acceptance, contribute to self-sabotage? Hmmm?



So, what did you get away with?

"

I think I fell for that, too.  This kind of surprises me because I thought I was rebelling or at least resisting for my whole 13 months.  I remember doing massive amounts of whatever and thinking how I had "won", that they didn't brainwash me.  Looking back, I think some of this self-sabotaging behavior was from Straight.  It makes sense to "program" those that resist to "fuck up" as much as possible, feeding the self-fulfilling prophecy that is used as a sales pitch.

'Remember what happened to the Finklestein shit kid when he copped out of Straight---he ended up blowing homeless Haitians transvestites for beer money and used coke baggies, we don't want that to happen to little Jimmy'.....'You're right dear! Thank god for Straight, Inc!'....

I think a lot of it is also part and parcel of the Stepcults.  They preach as an integrel part of their philosophy that the only alternative to cult membership is "jails, institutions, and death".  Many people mistake groupsters as experts on recovery from addiction (they aren't) and, even though they reject the more obviously ludicrous aspects of Stepcultism out of hand, they may tend to believe some of the jive, as they may never have experienced long-term abstinance from drugs, whereas some groupsters may have, or at least claim to.

As far as what I got "away with", it was mainly harboring a desire to leave, which I did twice, staying gone for a month the first time, a night the second time.  I 'rocked out' in my head constantly, and 'bullshit about rock bands' several times after reaching third phase and higher. All of this while I was outwardly complying.  Eventually the outward compliance and the internal knowledge that it was jive made me want to leave, if I was on a high enough phase to have a reasonable chance (while I was outside the building and could get a couple of hours head start) or misbehave (if I was on first phase).

[ehm]

I think a lot of it is also part and parcel of the Stepcults. They preach as an integrel part of their philosophy that the only alternative to cult membership is "jails, institutions, and death". Many people mistake groupsters as experts on recovery from addiction (they aren't) and, even though they reject the more obviously ludicrous aspects of Stepcultism out of hand, they may tend to believe some of the jive, as they may never have experienced long-term abstinance from drugs, whereas some groupsters may have, or at least claim to.

I know, and agree. That's my biggest beef with 12 step programs - they set you up to fail if you leave, or don't "work your program." It was worse being so young and being subjected to that kind of mind fuckage. Such a paradox... My mind absorbed it, and at the same time rejected it. I abhor any organization that uses that, "My way or the highway" mentality.

There was a girl in my program who was smoking, having sex, doing all kinds of stuff while on 5th phase she wasn't supposed to. She got caught and confronted, ripped, and started over. Since I was friends with her I got reamed too. I knew nothing of her shenanigans, but no one believed me. I was always so impressed that she could do so much against her conscience like that. My brain would have eaten me for lunch had I been trying to hold all that in.

Needless to say, there really wasn't much I did wrong while there... Even my "copping out" was spontaneous, and not pre-meditated.  Behavior modification programs sure have an evil way of putting a vice grip on your every thought?

A friend of mine right now is doing the AA jive. Her dad's been in AA since he was in his late 20s. It's keeping her sober (she's actually doing that) but I told her it concerned me that she quit smoking weed. Not because I think everyone should, but because the AAers were getting their vice grip in place. Her mind thinks that smoking a joint and having a drink are in the same field, and in doing so is setting herself up to fail if she does. I quit drinking a year ago, and don't consider myself a "dry drunk." I know the difference between one and the other, and I'm able to differentiate between what hurts and what helps. I'm one of those people who thinks that marijuana will help anyone over those horrid SSRIs in the first place, but that's just me...

[RTP2003]

On 2005-02-20 08:10:00, cult survivor wrote:

"

I think a lot of it is also part and parcel of the Stepcults. They preach as an integrel part of their philosophy that the only alternative to cult membership is "jails, institutions, and death". Many people mistake groupsters as experts on recovery from addiction (they aren't) and, even though they reject the more obviously ludicrous aspects of Stepcultism out of hand, they may tend to believe some of the jive, as they may never have experienced long-term abstinance from drugs, whereas some groupsters may have, or at least claim to.

I know, and agree. That's my biggest beef with 12 step programs - they set you up to fail if you leave, or don't "work your program." It was worse being so young and being subjected to that kind of mind fuckage. Such a paradox... My mind absorbed it, and at the same time rejected it. I abhor any organization that uses that, "My way or the highway" mentality.

Yeah, and the way they have infiltrated and perpetuated the treatment industry is sickening.  There are many alternatives to Stepcultism that go ignored if not unknown by most people because of the Stepcult's near monopoly on treatment.

[Anonymous]

On 2005-02-19 16:22:00, cult survivor wrote:

"Something that comes to mind that I used to do "against my conscience? was to flip staff off in my pockets as I walked the opposite direction of them, or stood at a door, and scream ?FUCK YOU!!!? in my head. Perhaps this was part of the ?separating myself from the group? I got confronted for frequently. I knew I didn?t like anyone, except a select few. I knew the program was bullshit. Was this small shred of rebellion my saving grace?  I mean, I still graduated the place thinking that if I accidentally inhaled nail polish fumes I was on the road to hardcore drug use. Which by the way wasn?t far off considering that I was shooting up a year and a half after the program as a result of this ?rebellious attitude.? I was still brainwashed.



It seems that after Straight I adopted an attitude of ?all or nothing? in which I was either ?practicing my program? or fucked beyond comprehension. Either way you look at it it?s an enormous loss of the ability to think on your own.  Did my inner resistance, coupled with my outer acceptance, contribute to self-sabotage? Hmmm?



So, what did you get away with?

"

I quit writing MIs as soon as I hit 6th phase and I quit writing RSAs as soon as I was done with the class.  I didn't have time to mess around with that bullshit.  I was in 9th grade and already missed a year of school and didn't feel like doing RSAs after hitting the books, reading MIs, going over steps and rules and all the other bullshit that was required to be done every night.  It was just too much to put on a person every frigging night.

[ehm]

Oh, I forgot! I listened to all my old music, not excluding any, except for Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin. I didn't consider any of it "druggie" so none of it went against my conscience. :grin:

I think I excluded those two because they were vocalized "no-nos" by staff.

[PerfectStraightling]

Self-fulfilling prophecy
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that, in being made, actually causes itself to become true. For example, in the stock market, if it is widely believed that a crash is imminent, this may reduce confidence and actually cause such a crash. Or, if a candidate in an election openly declares he does not believe he can win, this may increase voter apathy and result in poor support for his campaign.

Self-fulfilling prophecy is sometimes seen as a manifestation of positive feedback in human society. In short, because a given prophecy was known, and was sufficiently credible, it affected people's actions and caused itself. Robert K. Merton is usually acknowledged as the maker of this phrase and using it in sociology.

Another example is Moore's law in semiconductor industry.

Examples abound in studies of cognitive dissonance theory and the related self-perception theory; People will often change their attitudes to come into line with what they profess publicly.

Other specific examples discussed in psychology include:

Clever Hans effect
expectancy effect
Hawthorne effect
placebo effect
pygmalion effect

[PerfectStraightling]

When I was in there, I did finally try and "get honest" mostly because I was still getting yelled at every single day and it was the only thing I hadn't tried. So...I cleared everything up and damned if I was going to go through that again so I made sure to follow the rules. I think part of it may have been a test, just to see if everyone would really lay off or not. Of course it was impossible to make myself like straight or want to be there, though, so I let myself have those thoughts for a second, and then they went into my box for thoughts that weren't allowed. When the opportunity to run away came along, by accident, I still knew that I didn't want to be there, I just hadn't allowed myself to really fantasize about it, but I got the hell out. It's scary to think if I had been there long enough, that I could have totally lost myself in the program.
[ This Message was edited by: JMA on 2005-02-22 11:46 ]

[85 Day Jerk]

I cannot personalize it like you other guys did, but there was a feeling once getting out of the program, that as long as we stayed with Straight, no harm could come to us.  My stupid ass older stepbrother racked up over 7 speeding ticket without ever leaving Pinellas Park and all he did was a couple of speaking engagements against paraphernalia in the area Shopping Malls, and the slate was wiped clean.  
    I myself got clocked doing 117mph on I-4 with a carload of recent 7-Stepper Grads and as soon as the Trooper heard we were Straight Grads, he knocked the ticket down to 67mph so I would not have to pay the 15 over penalty.  The program carried enormous clout down here and there were all sorts of "fringe benefits" provided you continue to suck up the the powers that be.  We had special breaks on getting Drivers Licenses, GED's  our parents got special discounts on insurance because we were considered "low risk."  The list goes on and on.  If we went to any DeBartelo Corporation Mall (one of Sembler's buddy's)  We were given special treatment in the movie theatres and restaurants.  Well that's my side of it, and I don't know if it helped or not, but that is the way it was back then.     :silly:

[`]

"Examples abound in studies of cognitive dissonance theory and the related self-perception theory; People will often change their attitudes to come into line with what they profess publicly." -Jane
(so maybe the cure is to profess publicly what you really think.)


also, holy shit, Jerk, that is the first time i have ever heard of Straight grads getting special treatment, and what you described is incredibly extensive.

i believe it though. i recently called law enforcement in VA to discuss Straight and more than a decade after it was shut down this cop is "familiar with Straight" and presumed i was "unhappy with my stay there." in other words he has no sympathy.

[Anonymous]

I wrote MIs to Satan

[RTP2003]

My "gonna get drunk with a friend from Str8" pal, J.S., reminded me of this one time in Straight that I got called on during the 'set some goals' part of a rap.  I was asked by a staff member "what are your goals for the future?"  I replied, "I'm gonna grow my hair down to my ass, join a rock band, and get fucked up real bad on cocaine".

 I don't think I got confronted for it, just a "Love yourself--have a seat".

[ehm]

Well, you were being honest, right? :grin:  :wink:

[RTP2003]

On 2005-02-24 07:01:00, cult survivor wrote:

"Well, you were being honest, right? :grin:  :wink: "

I don't think my hair ever made it down to my ass, but two out of three ain't bad, is it?

[beth1222]

My roommate and I went to aftercare meetings high. :roll: