Author Topic: How about some damn ANSWERS.  (Read 39711 times)

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Offline Perrigaud

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« Reply #390 on: January 22, 2005, 01:59:00 PM »
That was actually directed to Anon. But I do understand where you are coming from totally.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #391 on: January 22, 2005, 02:28:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-01-22 10:58:00, Anonymous wrote:

"By the way someone on a back post said something about the author of the movie. One of the 2 girls that star in the movie co-wrote it with her mother or step mother, but it was based on that girls experience.


Well, glad to hear that. Then it's obviously true that she DID make it without the help of a program.  So I guess that clears up the 'we don't know if she made it' question.  If she'd have had a parent that fell into the fear mongering, GUARANTEED she would have ended up in one.  

I love the part at the end where Holly Hunter (assoc. prod.) is hugging her daughter and tells her..."you're my heart".
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Offline Antigen

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« Reply #392 on: January 22, 2005, 02:30:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-01-22 05:45:00, chi3 wrote:

"I have seen the movie thirteen, have it on DVD. My daughter thinks it's a hoot. I didn't just ditch my child! I thought I was getting help for her that she wasn't getting here at the psycologist/psychiatrist. I thought she might do better with a consistent setting with no distractions from the people she was hanging around with. Well, guess what? She actually has had some breakthroughs on her feelings toward those people and how she feels about getting therapy and really trying to work at it. Do I think the program did that? No. Did I get lied to about the whole program by the program and ed.con's, and other parents? YES! She is coming home today. Whether they like it or not. I admit I made a mistake, not because I didn't care, just fell for B.S. because I wanted to believe someone, somewhere might be able to help. "


I think that, whether you intended it or not, the shock of it all has probably had a huge impact. A lot of kids talk about that aspect of it. Whatever they were doing before hand, even if it was hair curling from an adult pov, was just fun and games to them. But being shipped off really woke them up to how terrified their parents were and the seriousness of the situation.

It's about the same thing that happens sometimes after a bad accident or illness. You nearly lose your life and have lots of time to re-evaluate things.

Now, your daughter will likely understand that you made a mistake, got taken in and all because she's comparing to the other kids, like your friend's kid, who's parents are completely soaked; drunk on the kool-aid. But her friends might not.

I'll tell you about something I did when I was at my wit's end w/ my daughter. She had run away (again) We knew pretty much where she was and who she was with but were afraid to go get her. These kids and young adults might either actually hurt us physically or call the cops and say we were threatening violence. We couldn't call the cops and have them do it because they would have tagged her as an habitual runaway and put her in their boot camp through the county juvenile intervention program.

I won't divulge the details out of respect for her privacy, but suffice it to say we thought it was absolutely vitally important that our daughter come home and talk some sense about what was going on at that time and we had gone over and over every option and settled on something creative.

So we made up a missing flyer w/ her face on it, complete w/ the "last seen with" text and contact info. Then I went out and hung them wherever I knew my daughter and her friends hung out. The idea was to rattle them, get them talking a little and find out exactly where she was so we could talk. It worked. It was funny as hell. Our daughter understood the whole prank and even laughed a little about it. We did find her, she did come home for awhile. But it didn't do much good. The fast and furious fantasy they were all caught up in was just SO much more alluring than the dull reality of school and family and a future w/ consequences for today's excesses.

But it wasn't just pointless, it turned out to have been a HUGE mistake! We played on these kids' fantasies to accomplish a specific end. But it changed things. Part of the drama was, as it often is, what complete assholes we were as parents. And all her friends and some of their parents who helped her out when she ran probably half believed it, but really knew it was just like any other kid complaining about their strict parents and rules and such. But after that thing w/ the flyer, they really thought we were nuts! That alone, even though she knew our sense of humor and knew what it was all about, it made it all really fun and exciting for all her friends.

By sending your daughter off to one of the most infamous teen gulags, you've done essentially the same thing. I don't know anything about your daughter's friends; if they're just playing at being bad or if there are some real substantial friendships there. But, one way or another, she's going to have to deal with that when she gets home. Try to understand that from their pov. Even if you hate them all and are convinced they're all worthless right now, just try not to play into the excitement of it all for them.


Christianity is the most perverted system that ever shone on man.
--Thomas Jefferson, U.S. President, author, scientist, architect, educator, and diplomat

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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #393 on: January 22, 2005, 02:36:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-01-22 05:45:00, chi3 wrote:

"I have seen the movie thirteen, have it on DVD. My daughter thinks it's a hoot. I didn't just ditch my child! I thought I was getting help for her that she wasn't getting here at the psycologist/psychiatrist. I thought she might do better with a consistent setting with no distractions from the people she was hanging around with. Well, guess what? She actually has had some breakthroughs on her feelings toward those people and how she feels about getting therapy and really trying to work at it. Do I think the program did that? No. Did I get lied to about the whole program by the program and ed.con's, and other parents? YES! She is coming home today. Whether they like it or not. I admit I made a mistake, not because I didn't care, just fell for B.S. because I wanted to believe someone, somewhere might be able to help. "


I missed this post somehow.....Chi, my comments were directed at The One Who Kidnaps, not you.  I completely understand that you were lied to.  I completely understand that you were coming from a place of love with your daughter and I completely understand how scared and frustrated you must be.  I'm SOOOOOO glad to hear that she's coming home!!!!!!!  Please let us know how you guys are doing.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #394 on: January 22, 2005, 04:03:00 PM »
Some observations.  I have a kid who is now trying to decide where she wants to live (with her dad or me).  She's been with me and Dad just got out of an intense religious rehab.  He is married to an AAer.  While he was away, wife took a roommate whom wife also sponsored.  Dad wants her to live with him because he says I'm a terrible parent (I smoke pot, daughter 17 is aware, but it's not done around her).  She just got back from visiting them.  She is really upset because of the negative things said about me.  She has a swollen gland and wife actually said this to her..."that comes from smoking pot".  It was a sad attempt to get daughter to "admit" that she smokes (she does NOT).  Daughter also says that she feels so uncomfortable there because of the passive-aggressiveness that comes from them.  They are already setting up rules for her that are completely un-necessary.  Curfew.  She has no curfew here because it's not necessary.  She usually comes in at a very reasonable hour.  Last night, Friday night mind you, she was in at 10:15.  Why have a rule if it's not necessary?  Their answer is that she's 17 and she needs to know there are rules.  BULLSHIT!  She is already AWARE there are rules of life and she follows them.  

My point being in all this, is that program/AA/NA people really seem to think that kids need to be shown they are not in charge.  This is all about control.  The wife has been in AA for 20 years now.  Never had a legal drink in her life.  She spouts the 'joyous, happy and free' line at every turn but she is the most unhappy person I've EVER met.  Seriously, she is.  Dad has been in and out of prison, in and out of rehab and where has all the 'therapy' he's received gotten him???  The guy can't live in the real world, at all.  He hasn't been around his daughter in a year yet feels completely qualified to pronounce her "running wild".  We're talking about a kid who gets good grades, holds a job, doesn't do drugs (occasionally takes a drink at a party) and is not disrespectful in any way.  But she's 'running wild' because I smoke pot, she has no curfew and I've let her, on occasion, spend the night at her boyfriend's house. :roll:  :roll:   They've been dating for over a year and his parents are there.  The environment that programs put these kids in when they're in the program AND after they come out is insane!!!!

She was involved in a car accident Thursday night, she's fine thank god, but totaled her car.  She has bruises and scratches on her face from the airbag.  Friday night was Dad's 'graduation'.  Daughter was there and he did not even ASK about the accident, if she was OK...nothing.  She said he was too busy spouting religion and telling everyone what a wonderful place he's just been in.  Priorities??????????  Before he came home he kept saying to her "you're moving in with me when I get home, right?".  She would say yes.  Since it's been getting closer to him coming home and now that he IS home, she's very hesitant.  She says it just doesn't feel like a home over there, not to mention the fact that some AA stranger is there IN HER OLD ROOM.  She tried to talk to him about her fears and concerns about moving in with him and was met with incredulity and threats.  You're not going to make it if you're with your mom b/c she smokes pot, you're running wild over there, you're going to turn out just like your mom (for the record, she is VERY different from me and has a much better head on her shoulders than I ever DREAMED of at her age).  When she told me (when Dad was in rehab) that she was going to move in with him when he got out I was upset, but I didn't tell her that.  I told her to do what she felt was right for her and I would support whatever decision she made.  

These programs have not only had an extreme negative effect on her dad's and my lives, it's spread like a cancer to the next generation.  My only weapon is truth.  I've thought that all along in this fighting that DAd and I have done in regards to the kids.  It's paying off.  I've always been honest with them and set realistic expectations for them, Dad has dealt with them from a standpoint of threats and fear.  Now that they're becoming adults themselves it's gratifying to know that they do, indeed, see the difference.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #395 on: January 22, 2005, 04:58:00 PM »
Again, "the one who cares", what are your credentials and educational backround?  Seriously, do they even require that these "transporters" be CPR certified??
Sincerely, Megan R.N.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #396 on: January 23, 2005, 11:06:00 AM »
I suggest you not worry so much about them, but be very aware the courts  can/will take the daughter away because of your drug use. (no judgement here just reality).

I feel sorry for the kids when the parents are so screwed up. I saw it a lot with the program parents . Myself included.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #397 on: January 23, 2005, 12:25:00 PM »
Nah, she'll be 18 within a few months.  I'm not really worried about it.  I refuse to have a custody fight over someone who is so close to 18.  I've been threatened with that as long as the kids have been alive....and I didn't start smoking again until recently (which, btw, has been one of the best decisions I've made.  I was on all kinds of meds before and now I'm not on any at all, just occassionally smoke).  Any time I would make a decision that "they" didn't like (even so small as having a curfew they didn't agree with) I was threatened with a custody fight.  I was actually threatened with it when I refused to let them try to get one of the kids into a program.  :eek:  I"m over it.  I refuse to fight with them anymore.

Sorry for the rambling about this.  Things are spinning in my head so fast I can't even write coherently.  My whole point in telling all this, although it didn't come through very clearly, is that the whole way of thinking with ANY of these type of programs is so skewed from reality.  It's all about control.  It's not about actually TEACHING kids anything, it's about making them do what they want them to do.  It's about molding them into tame "child creatures" (Zappa).  I want my kids to grow up to think independently, I don't want them seeing life from the narrow little window that the programs do.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #398 on: January 23, 2005, 12:50:00 PM »
One more thing and then I'll shut up about it. :grin:  :grin:
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #399 on: January 23, 2005, 01:07:00 PM »
Look back on previous posts for my credentials.
I won't go into them for a 3rd time.
   The one who cares
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #400 on: January 23, 2005, 03:44:00 PM »
"the one who cares", um...so you have "a degree in drug counseling from UCLA"?  What degree?  Bachelors degree, masters, or what??  You have had additional "training" and "classes"?  "Hands-on" training perhaps? (hehe).  Despite your 16 years "experience" dealing with troubled youth, without formal education and advanced degrees in areas such as psychology, sociology, and social work, you are hardly qualified to perform "interventions" or "therapy" with these adolescents.  In fact, you could be doing more damage than good. Why do you think that to be a (liscensed) social worker, you must have a Masters degree plus 2 years supervised practice?  If you do lack liscensing as well as an advanced degree, then legally you are NOT a professional, and should not be passing yourself off as one.  But, please, PLEASE tell me that you (and all of your co-workers) are at LEAST liscensed in CPR.  Please.   Sincerely, Megan
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #401 on: January 24, 2005, 06:58:00 AM »
I have taken and still take classes in psychology, Yes i Do have my masters in Drug counseling. We always have at least 1 CPR certified counsler on each trip. I know most of the companys this might not be true, but with ours it is. We are different than most of the others. Ok Megan? The one who cares
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #402 on: January 27, 2005, 10:59:00 PM »
I am relieved to learn you are a professional.  Sincerely, Megan
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #403 on: January 27, 2005, 11:00:00 PM »
But really, EVERYONE in your company (who has any contact with the "clients") should be vertified in CPR.  Megan
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Offline Nihilanthic

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« Reply #404 on: January 28, 2005, 05:10:00 AM »
So, a masters in drug counceling. What does that mean you can do, exactly? How hard is that to get?

"taking classes" in psychology is pretty meaningless. I take classes in math. Can I prove the Riemann Zeta Hypothesis? Not yet.  

Having a CPR certified councelor is a step in the right direction, at least. Bringing your captive there alive is good for your bottomline, isn't it?

Come the millennium,

month 12,

in the home of greatest power,

the village idiot will come forth to
be acclaimed the leader.
--Nostradamus

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DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."