On 2005-01-22 05:45:00, chi3 wrote:
"I have seen the movie thirteen, have it on DVD. My daughter thinks it's a hoot. I didn't just ditch my child! I thought I was getting help for her that she wasn't getting here at the psycologist/psychiatrist. I thought she might do better with a consistent setting with no distractions from the people she was hanging around with. Well, guess what? She actually has had some breakthroughs on her feelings toward those people and how she feels about getting therapy and really trying to work at it. Do I think the program did that? No. Did I get lied to about the whole program by the program and ed.con's, and other parents? YES! She is coming home today. Whether they like it or not. I admit I made a mistake, not because I didn't care, just fell for B.S. because I wanted to believe someone, somewhere might be able to help. "
I think that, whether you intended it or not, the shock of it all has probably had a huge impact. A lot of kids talk about that aspect of it. Whatever they were doing before hand, even if it was hair curling from an adult pov, was just fun and games to them. But being shipped off really woke them up to how terrified their parents were and the seriousness of the situation.
It's about the same thing that happens sometimes after a bad accident or illness. You nearly lose your life and have lots of time to re-evaluate things.
Now, your daughter will likely understand that you made a mistake, got taken in and all because she's comparing to the other kids, like your friend's kid, who's parents are completely soaked; drunk on the kool-aid. But her friends might not.
I'll tell you about something I did when I was at my wit's end w/ my daughter. She had run away (again) We knew pretty much where she was and who she was with but were afraid to go get her. These kids and young adults might either actually hurt us physically or call the cops and say we were threatening violence. We couldn't call the cops and have them do it because they would have tagged her as an habitual runaway and put her in their boot camp through the county juvenile intervention program.
I won't divulge the details out of respect for her privacy, but suffice it to say we thought it was absolutely vitally important that our daughter come home and talk some sense about what was going on at that time and we had gone over and over every option and settled on something creative.
So we made up a missing flyer w/ her face on it, complete w/ the "last seen with" text and contact info. Then I went out and hung them wherever I knew my daughter and her friends hung out. The idea was to rattle them, get them talking a little and find out exactly where she was so we could talk. It worked. It was funny as hell. Our daughter understood the whole prank and even laughed a little about it. We did find her, she did come home for awhile. But it didn't do much good. The fast and furious fantasy they were all caught up in was just SO much more alluring than the dull reality of school and family and a future w/ consequences for today's excesses.
But it wasn't just pointless, it turned out to have been a HUGE mistake! We played on these kids' fantasies to accomplish a specific end. But it changed things. Part of the drama was, as it often is, what complete assholes we were as parents. And all her friends and some of their parents who helped her out when she ran probably half believed it, but really knew it was just like any other kid complaining about their strict parents and rules and such. But after that thing w/ the flyer, they
really thought we were nuts! That alone, even though she knew our sense of humor and knew what it was all about, it made it all really fun and exciting for all her friends.
By sending your daughter off to one of the most infamous teen gulags, you've done essentially the same thing. I don't know anything about your daughter's friends; if they're just playing at being bad or if there are some real substantial friendships there. But, one way or another, she's going to have to deal with that when she gets home. Try to understand that from their pov. Even if you hate them all and are convinced they're all worthless right now, just try not to play into the excitement of it all for them.
Christianity is the most perverted system that ever shone on man.
--Thomas Jefferson, U.S. President, author, scientist, architect, educator, and diplomat
