Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum

Memories of being clean and sober

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Jimmy Cusick:
I have been "straight" for 38 days. That means without any alcohol and drugs. I remember back to my days in the seed and being straight meant something. We frequently held raps on staying off the "dope". Remember step 1? We admitted we were powerless over drugs. I never really grasped that as a seedling, I just made a decision that because I was a part of a group of people that were straight, I would be straight too. As an adult and an addict I know what powerless means. When I pick-up a drink or a drug the phenomonom of craving kicks in and I continue to drink or use until I'm face down, in jail, the nut ward or out of money.

 I was a proud(sometimes embarrased)seedling as I went off to South Plantation High School and I held my sobriety close to my belt. In other words I KNEW that there had been a major change in my life(no drinking or drugs)and I was able to do what was neccessary to retain it. As a seedling I learned how to have fun and a good time without the "dope". I think I smiled more in the 5 years that I was clean and sober from the seed than I have in the past 25 years.

 Its no wonder that I have forgiven the seed and have showed some appreciation for what they gave me. On the other hand  I accomplished alot by doing internal work to improve and change my atittude towards life.

30 years after a scrawny little, acne faced kid became straight in the seed, he seeks the same rewarded sobriety after finding nothing but trouble in the bottle.

Robin Martin:

--- Quote ---On 2004-12-24 09:37:00, Jimmy Cusick wrote:

"I have been "straight" for 38 days. That means without any alcohol and drugs...I think I smiled more in the 5 years that I was clean and sober from the seed than I have in the past 25 years.

--- End quote ---


Jimmy - keep up the good work! (and I know...it is WORK!!) I can relate to the smiling reference :nworthy:

Anonymous:
Jimmy,

I would love to connect with you.  I believe you know how to reach me. I am proud of you.

Love,
Oogas

JaLong:
Jimmy,
Oh how I remember that clean and sober feeling I first felt in the seed. I felt happy for the first time in a very long time. This may sound corny, but I could hear the birds sing, feel and enjoy the wind blowing in my hair, and seeing and feeling the wonders of God. I am very proud of you for being clean for 38 days. i can relate. After being clean and sober for 19 yrs after the seed, I started to bend my elbow a little too much, so AA here I came. It has been almost 7 yrs for me now. I don't go any longer, and after talking to my sponsor, I realized I am not an alcholic. I use my toolbox on a daily basis. As far as step one, we are powerless over a lot of things. Ya know, people, places, and things. I just need to always keep my side of the street clean, and let others do it on their own. Congrats Jimmy.
Julie

Antigen:
Uh, JaLong, Jimmy's post is almost a year old.

Sorry to be such a harsh asshole, but your response is just so emblemic of Program culture. You said the right thing, delivered reenforcement of Program dogma, the well rehersed knee-jerk response that you probably hear and practice weekly or whatever w/ your current support group. But it's totally and completely disconnected from the reality of the situation. You don't know Jimmy. You don't love him. Fact is, you haven't even noticed him missing for so long.

It's just this kind of false affinity that supplanted the genuine love in so many Seed families. It was a horror to me then but I didn't dare say a thing about it.


You say there is but one way to worship the Great Spirit. If there is but one religion, why do you white people differ so much about it?
--Chief Red Jacket, Seneca Indian Chieftain
--- End quote ---

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