Dori, sorry you reacted to theses posts I wrote a few years back when I first encountered these boards. I certainly wasn't trying to inspire anybody to go on a self-mutilation rampage, but I am somewhat flattered that it had such an impression on you, I mean, that's the ultimate compliment to give any writer, to say, "What you wrote had an effect on me". I was trying to convey the stifling sense of frustration, shock, anger, and all the other traumatizing feelings, that were part and parcel of my experience at Straight, Inc., in St. Petersburg, FL, from October 1982 until November 1983. I particularly remember a sensation that I imagine to be a lot like what drowning feels like, a pressure on my lungs, a shortness of breath, and a burning feeling behind my eyes. I think my time in Straight has had an affect on me that I can only consider to be extremely negative. I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist, and even if I were I would not be able to accurately engage in self-diagnosis, but I believe I suffer from many symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have a lot of the symptoms, and I have lived through their consequent effects on my life.
Again, I am sorry that you reacted to the pieces above with what I would consider an unhealthy response. I too remember the self-mutilators in Straight and engaged in that behavior once or twice myself while I was there. I have a nice scar on my wrist that has been there for oveer twenty-five years, a daily reminder of my time in Straight. I understand the feeling, and I bumped this thread so I could, almost as if taking the advice of one of the replies to this thread, "go back and read it again" so that "healing could begin". I'm not really convinced healing is possible at this point, but I am still willing to give it a try. I think more than anything, many of us who survived Straight, Inc. need to learn coping skills and people we can trust---'cause the shit they taught you in there sure as Hell doesn't work in the real world, and there damn sure wasn't anyone you could trust in there, with very rare few and far between exceptions