Venting, needing emotional support

[Anonymous]

Well, I have finally come to terms with the fact that a teen I know of who got sent to one of these places for no reason is not getting out until she either turns eighteen or until her loony parent lets her out.

It's terrible knowing this is happening to someone you KNOW is not a delinquent hardcase but is just an ordinary kid with the misfortune to be born to bad parents.

The helplessness is no fun.  No fun at all.

Probably the worst part is wondering what damage she will have suffered when she comes out--or how long she'll be a brainwashed drone before the conditioning comes apart.

Any of the regulars have good advice on how to be most helpful and least harmful to a teen coming out of one of these places?  This is, of course, presuming her friends don't have to file habeas corpus petitions or something to get her a chance to get out at eighteen, and presuming she does get out somewhere along the way.

[Antigen]

It's touchy. No telling how the kid will be effected. But if her friends are inclined to file a writ, why wait till she's 18? Do it now?

When ever and how ever she gets out, you just have to play it by ear. If she's talking like she believes the programing, it's hard for anyone to figure out if or how much she believes it or how much she's just scared to trust anybody with what she really thinks. The whole process works just exactly the same way as battered wife syndrome. Read up on that to get some insight. I think the most important thing is to try not to be confrontational if you can avoid it. But let her know that everybody was thinking of her all along, that they never quit caring and that you still love her, regardless of how she might have changed.

What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult.
-- Sigmund Freud

[FaceKhan]

I would say do what you can to get her out. Never stop trying to convince the parents or get the place shut down. Even if it doesn't work and it often does not she will find out what you were trying to do for her.

When my friend got out after 2 months at a wildnerness program (thankfully not too fucked up of a place but a prison is still a prison) he found out that I had spent that time fighting for him. He said I was his Samurai and even his parents had to respect the lengths I was willing to go for him. His father even admitted to me what a waste of money that place was but the mother still thinks he needed it and got him to stay at this over 18 program for the last year or so at 5500 a month.

I don't understand the mentality of these parents.

I mean shit if I were a parent spending that kind of money on some program, little Johnny, my potsmoking son, better call me after the first month and tell me he wants to be a doctor or I am gonna sue the shit out of that place and cut the owners balls off.

Maybe what these parents secretly want is a fucked up kid who will be dependent on their money all his life so they can control him and make him play the stepford son at their little cocktail parties.

[Antigen]

On 2003-11-01 13:04:00, FaceKhan wrote:

Maybe what these parents secretly want is a fucked up kid who will be dependent on their money all his life so they can control him and make him play the stepford son at their little cocktail parties.

Anonymity Anonymous

[Anonymous]

I don't know what to try next.  

But the battered wife thing helps.  I was a battered girlfriend, and did the whole codependency thing.  It's not really just program-speak.  The programs appear to have grabbed hold and hung on--jargon is how they make it look like they know what they're talking about.

I see what the parents are trying to do.  The key in a codependent family is nobody ever leaves.  They just keep going around in the same melodramatic circles.  I think in this case the parents wanted to  break the kid down because they were afraid when she grew up she WOULD leave.

Unfortunately, I, personally, really can't get her out.  I wish I could.  I'm...stubborn...and I don't give up easily, but the realities of this particular situation---which I can't get into in detail without getting into the kid's privacy---are that I'm out of options.

 :sad:

[Antigen]

I'll tell ya, my daughter was in a bad relationship for a couple of years. I understood what was going on in the context of my experience in the program. And it all made sense. The only difference was that she, herself, was the one enforcing her own captivity. Now THAT nearly drove me nuts!

But, eventually, she was ready to get out and we had just refused to let Psycho Boy run us off or to let her believe we had. We did just exactly opposite of what the TOUGHLOVE dogma recomends. When we found she'd run away the first time, we turned ON her cell phone so she wouldn't have to get his permission to talk to whoever she damned well pleased. When she needed dental work, we paid for it, no questions, no strings.

The hardest part for me was just biding my tongue whenever she tried to convince me how happy she was and how well this guy treated her. But eventually I learned to and, some time after that, she started calling just to talk or to get a recipe or advice for cold remedies and such.

If the girl comes out of it acting funny, just don't make her choose between you and what she believes. She's got to figure it out and still have somewhere to go if she wants to get out of the thing. It's intentionally set up to make that very difficult. There are all kinds of traps for keeping the victim feeling isolated and unwanted. Look out for those and try not to fall for them.

Locate the blind spot in the culture--the place where the culture isn't looking, because it dare not--because if it were to look there, its previous values would dissolve.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1561769118/circlofmiamithem' target='_new'>Terence McKenna