Raps/The Game

[Anonymous]

dear greg i'm also glad you mentioned the anger and loss
i went from one indoctrination method to another, the seed was the second. post seed i was so angry and alienated, so mistrustful, that i just didn't fit in polite society.. and that has played out occupationally and relationally, such that i now have a great collecion of war stories, and not much else ( of course, larger social trends have also played a primary role in my weird life, as well) in fact, i didn't even begin to understand the experience until many years after the fact, when i chanced upon the 'physiology of brainwashing and conversion" and, to you mention the sense that one has a 'shameful secret' well that secrecy is a primary means of control for these birds. indeed the 'secret shame' is a primary means of control for ALL abusers, regardless of the form it takes..thus, i will "out" myself here and now. yea verily i smoked rope when i was a teenager.they, on the other hand, blackmailed, pejured, planted evidence, comitted fraud, unlawfully detained, subjected their charges to inhuman and degrading treatment, commited assault and battery, and on and on.. so i ask.. which of these sins is the greater?

[Anonymous]

UH... probably smoking"rope"

[blownawaytheidahoway]

I will post my threads on raps here if that's ok.
I do remember the raps being referred to as The Game a few times in Idaho.
I firmly believe that Raps were the gel, and the most important part of what went on there. Both lovers and enemies of CEDU agree on that. The totality was...
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[blownawaytheidahoway]

My first rap was in Walden West. Stacy Wasserman was to be the facilitator. I can?t remember who was supporting in that rap because the whole thing was so apocalyptic, anything besides it?s own happening would be unmemorable by comparison. I didn?t know what I was in store for at all. I was escorted from the house by Pxxx, who steered me down a path with a rock border, and past a few other buildings. We came to Walden and were directed into the room. This room has so much significance for me that just crossing it?s threshold in my imagination causes unspeakable feelings. All of my propheets and workshops were in Walden and it is fitting that my first step down forced behavior modification should happen in that room.
There was a circle of black chairs interrupted by one upholstered blue one with arm rests. No one went near that one. The black chairs had different vintages and it quickly became clear that some were actually more comfortable than others. I sat down and listened to my heart throb in my ears. I didn?t know what to be nervous about, but after numerous kids asking me during lunch if this was my first rap and then their replies of ?holy shit, who?s running it?? or ?Ha Ha, won?t that be nice? I started to become a little nervous. On the walk over with Pxxx there were many other people moving to their assigned rooms and it was quiet. There was a definite sense of forboding. And I didn?t know how to identify it yet?there was something else I got a strong whiff of as we sat down in our black chairs that afternoon in Walden West: fear.

[blownawaytheidahoway]

Carmen?s raps were deep. Even deeper than the average rap and as I walked out of my first rap with her, I was resolved that this was NOT the place for me. I had never been a junkie and I had never been to jail. I was fourteen and this place was insane! Carmen had almost every person in the circle crying at the same time. I don?t know how to explain it.
I do, but it?s hard to get across.
I can only explain it from the point of view of an older student even though I wasn?t one in this particular rap. Carmen had the power to tell your family head how you were doing. Therefore, she could have you on work assignments for weeks on end, or she could tell your family head that you did whatever it was that was expected of you. You might get to get off campus for a milkshake or a basketball game at the gym in Bonners Ferry. Of course leaving campus was almost an impossiblity for the first year, though. Let?s say the rap started and there was an indictment about someones bathroom habits, or they are not clean enough, this degrades into an embarrasing commentary on the persons acne. Carmen insists that there is more to it than sanitary measures and claims to know that this person is ?holding on to something?. She calls the girl dirty and a liar. Another student jumps on the Carmen?s bandwagon and takes another pot shot at the girl from Carmen?s half of the circle. Carmen springs out of her seat and switches to the other side to take the seat next to the sobbing girl who has already at this point told us all the slutty things she has done in her life and that?s why she has acne. Carmen lays a hand on her back and blasts back at the guy who tried to get a point at the girls expense. Carmen rails him. She really lets him have it telling him he?s so full of shit. A tremendous kissass and a waste of resources in the community. He?s terrified, he?s not sure what he?s going to do. Neither are we. Noting the lull, Carmen demands of the older students in the rap to get honest and tell this kid what they think of him. Three people, like synchronized machines stand up and switch sides of the room and begin to yell. When one stops to breathe, the other two take up the slack. The whole time, Carmen is multitasking. She?s like an executive with three phones in front of her, and each one is blinking and bleeping with high end client on the other end shelling out thousands to get a few minutes on the phone with the woman. She was comforting the girl who is sobbing about her confidence issues; she has just had everything she?s ever done exposed by people who hardly know her. At the same time, as facilitator, she?s encouraging a full- scale attack on a kid who seemingly allied himself with her just a few moments before.
It was confusing. The kid who was trying score a point is now in tears and Carmen is asking other parties if they feel like doing some work. The older students see a double opportunity in this: Firstly, they can skip any of the humiliation of being indicted in front of all the kids, but they have to put on a convincing show of being upset and empathizing with either the bawling boy or girl. If they play the cards just right, they too can have the comforting hand of Carmen laid upon them. They too can know that they have escaped ?having another asshole ripped? for that day.

[blownawaytheidahoway]

...whoever was monitoring my call would simply place their finger on the handset cradle and disconnect me. It was a time of resistance, and the place had weird rituals in dealing with the recalcitrant.
Getting indicted in raps always surprised me for the first year. When it began it was always a real shocker, because there was no logic that I could see behind the purpose. My journal entries clearly reinforce my feeling that the place was ?freaky? and cultish. The work details were nothing but excuses at having routine labor accomplished and excluding people who acted out of agreement. And in these raps I tried to defend myself calmly most of the time but occasionally I would let people get inside of me. Once you broke a seal, it took a lot of energy to retain. I knew my number was going to be up soon, and it scared me the way they could and would REALLY yell. I knew the only reason no one had done that to me yet was because I was still new. I started getting paranoid to walk into raps whenever they occured... and I worried before my truth propheet. It was scheduled for the following week.