dear greg i'm also glad you mentioned the anger and loss
i went from one indoctrination method to another, the seed was the second. post seed i was so angry and alienated, so mistrustful, that i just didn't fit in polite society.. and that has played out occupationally and relationally, such that i now have a great collecion of war stories, and not much else ( of course, larger social trends have also played a primary role in my weird life, as well) in fact, i didn't even begin to understand the experience until many years after the fact, when i chanced upon the 'physiology of brainwashing and conversion" and, to you mention the sense that one has a 'shameful secret' well that secrecy is a primary means of control for these birds. indeed the 'secret shame' is a primary means of control for ALL abusers, regardless of the form it takes..thus, i will "out" myself here and now. yea verily i smoked rope when i was a teenager.they, on the other hand, blackmailed, pejured, planted evidence, comitted fraud, unlawfully detained, subjected their charges to inhuman and degrading treatment, commited assault and battery, and on and on.. so i ask.. which of these sins is the greater?