This time I was sitting down by the dock fishing for dinner like I always do. This ugly old man walked up to me, and asked if I wanted to buy one of his sculptures. I told him to get lost, but he was a persistent old man. Kept telling me about his poor sick friend who he cares for back in their homeless tarp home. I relented and asked how much for his stupid sculpture. He said five bucks, but I have to follow him down to his home to retrieve it. As we walked underneath the pier I got nervous, but he was a old man so I wasn't worried. It got darker as we went under the bridge, so dark I could barely see him as he wandered ahead of me. Just as I realized this might not be such a good idea I, I heard a loud crack. It sounded like someone shattered glass, then a millisecond later I felt splitting pain in the back of my head. I had just enough time to reach around and feel warm liquid running down my neck before I passed out. When I woke up I was naked and they stole everything including my underwear. My butt hole really was sore and I really had to take a shit. Only when I went to take a shit no poop came out, just blood. I am worried I have AIDS now and I'm not sure what to do. My butt really hurts bad and I lost all my money and my gold watch. I am a really stupid idiot who got robbed and buttraped when all I wanted was a wooden seagul sculpture. I didn't even catch my dinner god damnit.