Fellow citizens,
My wife, Blanche, and I spent our lives soused out of our gourds throughout our kids' early childhood, and they seemed to end up okay... Course, they're not exactly the brightest light bulbs on the the circuit, if you catch my drift... But they seem to have done okay, quite well, even. I've set them all up in the family business I started after I discovered AA, using many of the fine principles of subservience to a higher power, with a proactive sense of rigid structure.
Kids like rules, its healthy for them to know where they're going. It ain't perticularly a good thing for them to think too much, they might lose their way from the path of their unique potential, especially if it doesn't include being in the Republican Party. And parents are EXTREMELY WORRIED about their kids!! Enough so, that they'll throw big bucks at anyone and everyone who can remind them that, without the loving structure we provide, their kids might end up dead, insane, in jail, or in the Libertarians, God forbid!
We, at The Hyde Schools, truly CARE about your kids, and have selflessly devoted our lives, 24-7, to exploiting the many ways we can throw the words "character" and "unique potential" around in seemingly fresh and irresistible ways. So what if it involves smacking them around, sexually harassing and abusing them, getting a lot of construction jobs done for free, and ripping out their pretty little psyches by extorting out their previous traumas and dirty little family secrets through seminars and school meetings! It builds character!! Har! Har!
All in all, it's been a fine, fine life!!
Warmly,
Joseph W. Gau!d, The Educator