Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Troubled Teen Industry

How Do Survivors Feel About Their Parents?

<< < (5/7) > >>

Anonymous:
Let's just look at this logically for a second.

If a teenager is having a problem with alcohol or other drugs, it's causing difficulty in his life.  So, grades will be dropping, friendships broken, irritability will be common, money will be needed and there may be problems obtaining it, fights with family, etc. etc.  All of these are visible *without any need for snooping*

If there *aren't* any such problems, then the kid is obviously either not using or using in such a fashion that it's not causing problems.  Now, you say, but it might be about to cause problems...

Statistically, this is unlikely.  8 of 10 people who try *heroin* don't get hooked-- read the research for yourself if you don't believe me.  If you are talking pot or alcohol, while many kids experience a period of excess, only 3-5% of potsmokers ever develop addiction and 5-10% of drinkers become alcoholics. Again, just look carefully at the NIDA statistics and the Household Survey on Drug Abuse to work this out.

So, you can try to "prevent" experimental drug use from getting worse by artificially creating negative consequences for them--but this has serious drawbacks.  First, if they haven't experienced negativq consequences of the use itself, they are going to be hard to convince that they have a problem.  Second, if you are obviously inflicting these consequnces on them yourself, they are going to think  *you* not the drugs are the problem.  Third, if you send them off to treatment, they are going to spend their time with harder core drug users and learn more than you want them to know about where to get harder drugs and how to use them.  They will also learn that all of the kids there survived this harder core use-- so they will be harder to convince that negative consequences are common.

OK, so using testing to try to find something early and prevent it getting worse is a bad plan.

What if you do have a kid who is experiencing negative consequences, wasted all the time, OD'ing, etc.?

Well, in this case, addiction is a disease.  It's not something you can *punish* away.  People who use heavily despite negative consequences are almost all trying to flee emotional pain.  Creating more pain is not going to stop them.  It's just going to give them another reason to use.

What you want to do instead is create an atmosphere of trust and empathy where the child who feels low will turn to you-- not drugs-- when he needs help with emotional pain.  Or, if he's already turned to drugs first, where he will come to say 'I'm in over my head-- help!'

Then, you've got the ideal client for drug treatment-- someone who knows they got a problem and wants help with it.  You need no force or confrontation or restraint with such people.  What you need to do is give them hope and encouragement that life drugfree will be better than life struggling with drugs.  And that is hard work-- but you see it done in 12 step programs, in cognitive-behavioral therapies, in motivational interviewing, in harm reduction treatments:  in short, it's what good drug treatment is all about.

Anonymous:
Karen, why not turn your love and compassion for animals into something that benefits adults and childen with special needs? Such as training dogs to become the "eyes and ears" for the sight/hearing impaired?  Or arranging to bring pets into nursing homes, children's hospitals, rehab facilities, etc.?  Seems to me this would be a win-win situation and that your community would be quite receptive and willing to assist with donations to help defray your expenses.

 :smile:

Anonymous:
"Then, you've got the ideal client for drug treatment-- someone who knows they got a problem and wants help with it."

In an ideal world - but when the drugs are "talking," not the kid, it's not until the parents SEE there's a problem that it can be dealt with.  Yes, most kids grow out of it, graduate high school and go on to be successful. Many kids with AD/HD may not without cognitive education and a way to know they are not bad kids.  THey won't get that in the public schools and other mainstream schools.  Self-medication is "the norm." They've been living with their "difference" for all their lives and it takes time and structure to change that thinking to learn to work with it instead of against it.  AD/HD meds cover it up, with less than consistent results.  I know.  I'm an adult with it and it took a lot of consistent, behavior change to where I am.  Parents without the knowledge can do all the talking or policing they can, but it doesn't change our thinking patterns.   So far, the past 3 years, I can say I'm successful.

anon:
[ This Message was edited by: KarenZ on 2003-10-18 13:01 ]

Anonymous:
F.K. mentioned smoking - we don't; and the son didn't either - until his Paw Paw died of cancer; Then he started smoking! I still don't understand that. I threw the cigarettes away when I found them; along with what ever pot I found. For the longest time, that was the only consequence - the loss of the product. We thought as tight with money as he is, he'd soon grow tired of throwing so much away, but it didn't work out like that. Oh well, it was a bad time, and its past now.
I do wish there was a way to really help families avoid so much heart break.

Karen,
What struck me was, "that was the only consequence". I could be off base, but it appears that he was distressed about his grandpa's death and looking for some escape from pain and/or maybe fear of death. He did what he knew to do to lessen the pain. Why would you persue "consequences" rather than helping him identify if the sudden interest had anything to do with some uncomfortable feelings? Seems that it was the perfect opportunity to have some dialogue with him and help him ferret out what was driving him to zone out. Maybe some counseling if he was open to it. I think there is a lack of ability with most parents, most have forgotten or never learned how to listen to their child.

My son went through hell when he returned from the Marine Military Academy. There were many nights that we were up at 1 or 2 am. He didn't usually directly ask for me to listen, he would ask me to scratch his back. If I had the attention, he knew and would go into it. This went on for 4 years. During which time he quit school, worked numerous jobs, smoked pot and drank, racked up a DWI and a DUI. Neither of which I knew about until the police dept called to say he'd missed a court date. He was unemployed at the time and had no means to pay the tickets. He had hit bottom.

There were many times that I questioned allowing him to have the "social" consequences of his behavior, which he truly wasn't in control of. Many times I questioned my decision not to intervene, to incarcerate him. The truth is, I knew he had a good foundation, good street savvy, and I trusted him more than any complete stranger I might turn him over to. I also knew that he would have to make the decision to seek help, an important step to realizing he was making destructive choices that he wanted to change. If I forced him, I would be just another perpetrator. I waited until he hit bottom and in the meantime, found a drug treatment program unique to what the court would have ordered.

The program worked for him, mainly because it gave him time away and provided his real needs. He was 18 at the time and spent 9 months there. It was not a lock down, and rarely did anyone leave. The "consequence" for leaving was that you start over. No guilt, no shame, no extra fees. He might have left any other environment and suffered jail time instead. There was no limit on family contact. Food was excellent, supplements and saunas to aid with detox.
He was treated with genuine respect, and he didn't have to "admit that he was any kind of an "olic" everyday. I knew 12-steps wouldn't work either.

Parents are not willing to "risk" the natural or social consequences of their teen's behavior, so they intervene.

**As for training the support dogs for the disabled - that entails giving them up - and I'd rather not. I could, and I have thought about it - but for now, I'm trying to think of some way to work Conner.

Well, maybe Conner doesn't need a job. I heard about a program in Dallas, Tx that was in jeopardy of loosing funding. "At risk" youth are spending some time every week training dogs to help the disabled, and for competition, I believe. They get the muts from the pound. The teens love the program. Keeps them off the street and they are proud of the job they are doing. They enjoy developing a relationship with their animal and learning to train it. A win-win all around. You might enjoy something like that. You don't strike me as the police type. And parents can rule out drugs for the cost of a piss test.
If they are worried about being held responsible for their teen having pot or drugs in their house, I don't think that concern is legitimate.

I do think teens are invisible in society. There is just not enough opportunity for them to feel worthwhile. They do want to make a valuable contribution and feel a part of, and are capable of SO much more than society allows them to do. There aren't enough, or a variety of ways that teens can do this.
Deborah

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page