Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Troubled Teen Industry
How Do Survivors Feel About Their Parents?
Antigen:
--- Quote ---On 2003-09-07 08:41:00, KarenZ wrote:
You ex troubled teens - would knowing a dog was being brought in make a difference? Would you not bring the drugs home - cut back on their use, if you knew mom and dad were going to find and destroy it? Its the monetary loss I'm thinking of - would you spend the money on pot or whatever, if you knew some dog was likly to be brought in and sniff it out?
--- End quote ---
Oh brother! So you think it's a good idea, then, to enlist as a soldier in the War On Drugs after your kid has already signed up for the other side?
Remember that when I was supposed to be approaching and then going through normal teen angst, instead I was in a Seed family. That meant more than weekly open meetings. It also meant no expectation of privacy, never a chance to make a friend or anything without Mother nosing around trying to find fault with them. If I happened to be out walking or bike riding somewhere and ran into another Seed sibling, it was a panic because they might tell some innocent detail that would wind up being the seed for one of Mothers paranoid and most unpleasant flights of fancy.
So I can't tell you too much about how a normal kid would respond. But I can tell you from first hand experience what it was like trying to grow up under a microscope like that.
No, I don't think that kind of stress is going to lead a kid to less or less abusive drug use. It will, however, lead them to spend more nights over at friends' houses, dread your coming into contact with their friends or their friends families. It will embarrass and humiliate them and destroy any kind of trust that might be trying, against all hope, to take purchase on an agreement to not bring the naughty stuff around.
In the court of teenaged public opinion, bringing a detection dog into your home to try to trip up and indict your kid will certainly provide substantial evidence that you're unreasonable, paranoid, maybe vindictive and certainly not to be trusted. If your goal is to drive the kid away, emotionally and physically, I can think of no better plan.
--- Quote ---Antigen: The Program was like an extension of her real, down underneath it all personality.
When you see people like that, RUN! Don't ever let those kind into your life ever!
--- End quote ---
This is just the sort of thing I'm talking about. You think there's some kind of God given moral imperative to make sure your kid is not getting away with any dissent in the drug war? You think that moral imperative overrides all other consideration?
Just bear in mind that Joy Margolis, a spokeswoman for Tampa-based Lutheran Services and former executive director of Straight, now runs a chain of adult care facilities that is notorious for scamming, abusing and neglecting their charges then drugging them to keep them quiet about it.
Guard with jealous attention the public Liberty. Suspect everyone who approaches that Jewel. Unfortunately, Nothing will Preserve it but downright Force. Whenever you Give Up that Force, you are ruined.....The Great Object is that every man be armed.....Everyone who is able may have a gun.
Anonymity Anonymous
anon:
[ This Message was edited by: KarenZ on 2003-10-18 12:58 ]
Anonymous:
--- Quote ---On 2003-09-07 09:31:00, KarenZ wrote:
My house was the house safe from such inspection, and so I held a lot of stash for friends whos rooms weren't so 'safe.'
--- End quote ---
Exactly. Being hypervigilant with your kids is a powerful disincentive to their spending much time or investing themselves much in the family home.
--- Quote ---Geez - you really think it would be as negitive as that?
--- End quote ---
Well, I see two scenarios. If the kid has a stash, which is illegal, given your recent history, it's not at all out of line for a reasonable person to assume that you might just turn them over to Jonny Law if you catch them.
If the kid is honoring your wishes already by keeing his stash elsewhere or by just abstaining or smoking OP (other people's), then the minute the you call for the search dog, you've demonstrated that you don't trust the kid. So where's the reason to honor any agreement with you or trust you with anything? You're just going to accuse and surveil them anyway.
Anonymous:
Is it okay to lower your standards and compromise your own values? If your standards and values are the same as your kids, then there is no need to hold them to anything higher.
Don't schools regulary do "locker" checks for illegal items? Then what would hold a parent back from being a parent at home? It can be a Catch 22 - no illegal items allowed in the home can enable them to find someone else whose parents do allow it in their home...so maybe that's where they will spend their time. What's illegal? Keyboard cleaner is a huffing agent, as are many household items. The police tell us we need to be better parents, but policing at home can and often does make it worse.
I have no problem with other people think I SHOULD do, I follow my instincts. What happens if you do find illegal substances or items. What is your follow through? Do you have the guts to follow through with any consequence given? Is there a consequence a all?
Times HAVe changed. Instead of the parents being parents, the kids are now controlling the household. If the parents haven't shown their values to their child, the child may assume there are no values, no boundaries, no standards to live by. How many parents of troubled teens have ever shared their individual values? Even two parents may have very different values. Are you a role model? Being on the same page can be difficult to start after the contention has begun, but not impossible.
Karen - do what your gut is telling you. If it doesn't work, then learn something from it. If it does, great! Is it about "control?" Or, is it about being a parent? Know when to be a parent and when to be a friend.
FaceKhan:
I think that when parents are honest with their kids and respect their privacy and their decisions and be open about what they have done and the mistakes they have made the kids will usually follow their parent's example.
Using myself as an example, neither of my parents smoke and from a very early age they expressed their disgust with it and how they had tried it and not liked it. They did not police me or give me dirty looks when I hung out with smokers and whoopee even though probably all my friends were smokers at some point (more than half have quit) I don't smoke. Its the parents who suspect their kids all the time and moralize and yell instead of discuss that send their kids off without any good reason not to get high.
If you treat your kids like criminals they will behave that way.
Personally my goal in this cause is not to close down WWASP and the other torture centers but to ban the entire industry and secure legislation that would make it illegal to commit anyone to any form of psychological treatment against their will without due process and the opportunity to present witnesses in their favor as well as a very high bar of accountability in any mental health or treatment facility that houses people against their will.
The industry as a whole is the problem, not just WWASP or CEDU. I feel that inevitably there is gonna be a crisis within the next 2 or 3 years, with this industry. Particularly with WWASP which is already beginning to crumble. At the rate things are going it is only a matter of time before a large overcrowded brutal facility causes an immense disaster with many deaths. A large riot where the staff is executed (because they fucking deserve to die) or more likely an outbreak of disease or food poisoning that kills several inmates.
It is gonna happen, do you want your kid there when it does?
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