Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Troubled Teen Industry
How Do Survivors Feel About Their Parents?
anon:
[ This Message was edited by: KarenZ on 2003-10-18 13:03 ]
Anonymous:
Antigen forgot to log in when she wrote:
--- Quote ---On 2003-09-07 13:07:00, Antigen:
Don't schools regulary do "locker" checks for illegal items? Then what would hold a parent back from being a parent at home? It can be a Catch 22 - no illegal items allowed in the home can enable them to find someone else whose parents do allow it in their home...so maybe that's where they will spend their time. What's illegal? Keyboard cleaner is a huffing agent, as are many household items. The police tell us we need to be better parents, but policing at home can and often does make it worse.
--- End quote ---
Yes, the public schools have become more and more like prisons as the years roll on. When your parents told you to respect your teachers and follow the rules, they were not talking about what's going on TODAY in your kids' high schools.
Police have no business telling YOU to be a better parent! That's not their role. They're not trained to be parents, they're trained to take dangerous criminals, by deadly force if neccessary, into custody as an intake to the criminal justice system. Come to think of it, they don't get any special training in medicine or pharmacology, either. So why are the schools hiring them to teach a course on drugs?
Think over the advice the DARE cop and the Partnership give you. It's not about how to be better parents. It's about how to be better police.
And no, Karen, that is not our primary job as parents.
Antigen:
--- Quote ---On 2003-09-07 17:48:00, KarenZ wrote:
I think in our case, my problem was trusting my son to much. I tended to confide in him and trust him as I would an adult friend. I think it was, at times, more trust than any kid can live up to - and that is fully my fault. I am afraid I inadvertently set him up for a fall, and I'll always wonder how large a part it played in his slipping down hill the way he did.
--- End quote ---
Karen, I haven't read this whole post yet but I wanted to respond to this before I forget.
I've come to the same conclusion. I can only plead ignorance due to the fact that I never had anything like a 'normal' childhood or high-school career. But I tried to deal with my daughter asif she were willing and able to think about things in the long term and from an adult point of view. I was telling her things and explaining things to her that she had NO interest in thinking about. She was always very polite to me and attentive, but she was really thinking about how fast she could get out and catch up with her friends before they left without her or something.
There are plenty of times when I should have been a lot more clever, kept my mouth shut for the moment and waited till she started to realize some of what I already knew. If I'd done that more, she would not have tried so hard to prove me wrong.
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
-- Johnny Carson
--- End quote ---
Antigen:
If you want to know what kids are thinking, listen to what they're listening to:
--- Quote ---Linkin Park Lyrics
One Step Closer
I cannot take this anymore
I'm saying everything I've said before
All these words they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Less I hear the less you'll say
But you'll find that out anyway
Just like before...
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I find the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again
Just like before...
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
Break break break break break
shut up when I'm talking to you
shut up shut up shut up
shut up when I'm talking to you
shut up shut up shut up shut up
I?m about to break
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
Break break break break break break
shut up when I'm talking to you
shut up shut up shut up
shut up when I'm talking to you
shut up shut up shut up shut up
I?m about to break
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
--- End quote ---
All our liberties are due to men who, when their conscience has compelled them, have broken the laws of the land.
--William Kingdon Clifford
--- End quote ---
Anonymous:
On 2003-09-06 05:59:00, Antigen wrote-"Anon, you sound desperate. I get that. At least intellectually, I understood that pretty well back when I was the 15 year old in question. Now that I'm the mother and my kid is 19, I understand it from a first-hand point of view in full, vibrant and living color
Antigen, I WAS desperate, and tried everything here, ran out of options and did what didn't work over and over again - you know what they say that is? Insanity! So I went outside my community, for love of my son and to regain my sanity - I know, you'll debate that! That's okay. My son is almost 19 now and my view is also in full, brilliant and living color.
Antigen: But, in your panic, you're overlooking a couple of very important things. First, WWASP (with the support of PDFA ads and other propaganda organizations) tells you that neither you nor your kid is capable of dealing with your problems. They don't know that and neither do you.
Wrong, Antigen. They never told me I wasn't capable of dealing with my problems. On the contrary, but I didn't think I was based on where we were. I was capable, but didn't yet have the knowledge (my words, not theirs.) I still don't know it all and he's been home over 2 years!
Antigen: Second, they tell you they can help. But the best evidence they can muster to prove their succes is to order parents and kids to write thank you notes as part of their 'therapy' and then to turn around and use those writings in their PR campaigns.
Yes, I think I remember someone saying they could help! That's exactly what we needed! Sorry, but they didn't have letters or thank you's from parents 4 years ago. I spoke to several grads here. Before you say it, they didn't receive money for this. That I do know for sure. I 100% DO NOT AGREE that parents be asked to market the program. I want to make it clear that it should be a personal choice, based on a passion. Not as homework or part of a seminar. That's Teen Help's BS, not the schools themselves. I can tell you I don't care for Teen Help in that respect. They are NOT the program, the staff ARE the program - TH was there when I needed them and if I was ever lied to, I never figured it out!
Antigen:How do you "learn to be a family" by severing all contact and communications with your family? How do you know Dad didn't hit the kid? It wouldn't be the first nor the last time an adult has kept a kid quiet through intimidation and character assasination. Ask anyone who's ever been diddled by a priest.
You say all contact and communication? I had plenty of communication with letters in the first months. Which, actually was the most communication I had with in the year or so prior! It got better as time went by. His letters to me weren't monitored. If they were supposed to be, they sure weren't doing their job. He kept quiet about nothing that I could see. I had to use my gut feelings on what to believe or not. He was never abused or starved, that I do know. As for learning to be a family? The therapy calls, the parent seminars and then the parent/teen seminars we did together, the phone calls, more letters, home passes, learning to communicate, learning to let go, learning that life isn't fair. Learning that we each see the world differently, and don't always agree. YIPPEE! Are we perfect? Hell, no. I'm pretty happy though.
Antigen: WWASP has drawn a line in the sand and instructed you to stand on the opposite side of it from your child. What If he didn't get better on his own? Then, when he's ready, he would have turned to the people he trusts. If you stick with the WWASP program, that's not going to be you. Sorry.
Okay, Antigen, maybe you thought my son was still there. I was NEVEr asked to stand on the opposite side of my son. I did that on my own, as well. This program brought us to the same side - most of the time anyway. When we were at opposite side of the line it had everything to do with our own choices. He not only turned to me, he also learned to trust most of the staff and is still in contact with what he calls the most honest friends he's ever had. Win/Win/Win.
Antigen:What if, like so many others, WWASP leaves him worse off than he was to begin with? Who does he turn to then? He can't even talk to you about it because you won't believe him. You'll just call it lying manipulation and have him sent back to his abusers.
Who's worse off? He's the same young man, a little older, wiser, minus the attitide and drugs. I don't know any graduates that are worse off, in fact they are awesome, still teens, still challenged in life's choices, honest, fun, some are in college, some are working, some are married, some are still not sure what they want, but are nothing like they were when they were admitted, in a good way! I also know some that came home early, but not because their parents thought they were being abused, they could no longer afford it and most are doing great.
I have one mom that has called me ever since she brought her son home a year ago, because she believed his abuse stories. He laughed at her one day and told her the truth. I never asked her why she didn't send him back, that's none of my business.
Antigen:Can't you see how you're being scammed here?
Maybe I'll figure it out some day - if it's a scam, then it's worked in a good way, for both of us.
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