New York Times - It must be trueDecember 10, 2005 – New York Times
Hold the Limo: The Prom's Canceled as Decadent By PAUL VITELLO
Prom night, that all-American rite of passage that fell out of favor during the anti-establishment 1960's and then made a comeback in the conservative tilt of the Reagan era, probably always inhabited terrain destined to become a battleground in the so-called culture wars.It is about social manners, class, gender roles; and to a more or less open degree, it is about sex.That may explain why recent decisions by two Roman Catholic high school principals on Long Island to cancel proms for the class of 2006 - both citing exasperation with what the educators described as a decadent "prom culture" - seem to have struck a chord well beyond the worlds of Catholics, high schools or Long Island.Newspaper editorial writers, social scientists and parents across the country linked through Web sites have responded in the past two months with what seems like a giant exhalation of relief, as if someone had finally said what they had long feared to say."Strike up the orchestra for Brother Kenneth Hoagland, principal of Kellenberg Memorial High School in Uniondale, N.Y.," read an Oct. 23 editorial in The Chicago Tribune. "Not because he has canceled the Long Island school's spring prom but because in doing so he provoked what should be local discussions nationwide about prom night activities and about parents and educators who don't do their jobs."Underlying the concern seems to be a widespread uncertainty about the coming-of-age ritual embodied in the modern prom - the $500 to $1,000 spent on dress, limo and parties before and after the actual event. It has become not uncommon for parents to sign leases for houses, where couples room together, for post-prom weekend events or for parents to authorize boat excursions in which under-age drinking is not just winked at but expected.Trumping it all, of course, is the uncertainty about sex.
"Common parlance tells us that this is a time to lose one's virginity," Brother Hoagland and other administrators of Kellenberg High wrote in a letter to parents in March, warning them that the prom might be canceled unless parents stopped financing what, in effect, the school considered bacchanals. "It is a time of heightened sexuality in a culture of anything goes," the letter added. "The prom has become a sexual focal point. This is supposed to be a dance, not a honeymoon."Six months after the initial letter, administrators canceled the prom by fiat, citing not just sex and alcohol use, but also what they described as materialism run amok.A month later, in November, administrators at another Roman Catholic school on Long Island, Chaminade High School in Mineola, followed suit, explaining that the prom was being canceled because its decadence and "showcase of affluence" were "opposed to our value system."Both principals reported receiving letters of support and requests for interviews from all over the world. British, Australian, Japanese and Ukrainian newspapers, for instance, ran prominent features about the principals' bold stand against American decadence.
Whether those "local discussions nationwide" urged by The Chicago Tribune lead to a larger consensus about proms, or remain small countercultural acts in what has become a $2.7 billion prom industry, some observers viewed them as opening an interesting new front in the continuing battle over American values.
"I think there is a general desire to bring religious values into public life, and these actions against the prom seem like signs of that," said John Farina, a researcher at Georgetown University who studies the intersection of religion and culture. "To some extent, it reflects the influence of John Paul II - his willingness to confront and resist the dominant culture. As a teacher, I wish more educators had that kind of backbone."An opposing view was expressed by George M. Kapalka, a professor of psychological counseling at Monmouth University in West Long Branch, N.J.Resisting unacceptable behavior and banning it, he said, represent two different spirits in education. "This is just another example of the 'just say no' policy, which has failed miserably wherever it's been applied," Professor Kapalka said. "It would be better to start the conversation with kids about values earlier than to wait until senior year and ban the prom."Among disappointed students, there was a sense that the timing of the ban was arbitrary."It was like a slap in the face," said Shane Abrams, a 17-year-old Chaminade senior. "A lot of kids feel like: 'Why us? Why this year?' Why didn't they ban the prom last year, or the year before?" Countering the charges of prom extravagance, a number of students pointed out that the school was spending about $20 million on an athletic center, an expense they said was extravagant, also.Chaminade's headmaster, the Rev. James Williams, said the decision to cancel the senior prom this year was based on an accumulation of evidence that "the modern culture of the prom has become toxic and beyond remediation."He added: "It's part of a larger issue. Why are sweet 16 parties becoming more like weddings? Why are otherwise moderate kids suddenly pressured to go wild on one night at the end of four years of Chaminade education? "We are saying we admit that this takes place, and we won't be part of it anymore."William J. Doherty, a professor of family studies at the University of Minnesota and author of "Take Back Your Kids," a study about overscheduled children, said in a phone interview that prom excesses like those cited by Brother Hoagland and Father Williams were typical of what he calls "consumer-driven parenting.""We have parents heavily involved in orchestrating their children's experience because of this notion that experiences can be purchased," Dr. Doherty said. In the Minneapolis-St. Paul area, he said, he knew of one mother who did not want her daughter to go on a senior class trip to Cancun, but would not forbid it. "Her comment was 'how sad' it would be if her daughter was the only one at her lunch table to miss that experience."It's not that a whole generation of parents is crazy," Dr. Doherty said. "It's that there is a subset of parents who are crazy - and the rest don't want their kids to miss out."
Prom night may never replace abortion on the front line of the culture wars, but in small increments, the issue of prom night does seem to be forcing itself onto the agenda generally described as family values. Web sites ranging from those of the conservative Concerned Women for America to the nonpartisan Berkeley Parents Network, to those of various Islamic and Orthodox Jewish organizations, have in recent years posted advice to parents about proms, most of it highly cautionary.
In 2002, after several students who attended a junior prom were hospitalized for alcohol poisoning, the administrators at Rye High School in Westchester County began a dialogue with students and parents about how to proceed. One option was to cancel the prom.
"But we came up with a compromise," said Jim Rooney, the principal.Since 2003, Rye students attending the prom have to report to school that evening with at least one parent. The parent must sign a consent form and leave a phone number where he or she can be reached. All students then travel on a coach bus, provided by the school, to and from the prom - no limos, no sneaking drinks."The before-prom gathering has become a nice tradition," Mr. Rooney said. "The parents and kids gather in our courtyard for pictures, and I don't think the kids would give that up for anything, at this point."On the other hand, he admitted, the school has no control over what happens after the prom bus drops seniors off back at the school. After-prom parties happen. It is almost assumed that students will seek memorable experiences according to their own standards. "A lot of them go off to these Chelsea bars," Mr. Rooney said. "I understand that most of those places are quite porous."
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