I posted this as my topic "to any parents of HLA students...." earlier this afternoon and no ones replying. This topic looks based on the same basic premise, (although all the personal attacks seem to be a very long digression from it), so I'm reposting it below just in case any parents of these kids make it this far. And isn't the point here to do just that? Enlighten anyone looking into HLA as to the true nature of the beast? Can't these personal back-and-forths take place over instant messages or email? Because seriously, no one is going to take the opinion of ANYONE posting on this site with any less than a handful of salt unless mature dialouge is the rule and not the exception. All of you who are squabbling have already taken your stances and made sure that your strong opinions are known by all. But if this isn't just an open forum for personal grudgematches, than may I humbly suggest (this is your site, I'm just an outspoken visitor) that you keep it objective and unnoffensive to the middle aged moms whose opinion you may have a chance of changing.
I'm a deceptively young looking chick with a mouth like... oh lets go with George Carlin, but when I'm tring to be persuasive I know that a little courtreous cencorship goes a long way.
Anyway, heres my post reposted. I hope someone gets SOMETHING from it.:
This issue is obviously more than a two-sided coin.
I have no personal vested interest other than empathy and concern, and as about as objective as a former student can be.
Did I gain anything from my year at HLA?
Absolutley. What didn't kill me made me stronger.
However I survived by flying under the radar.
I watched my friends' spirits broken all too frequently, in one case my friend was a victim of rape and incest from a young age. She was forced to re-live these experiences in front of our peer group at a time when we were all strangers to her, and I will never forget the way that our counselors jeered her, asking "how dirty she felt" and "wasn't she a whore" "didn't she bring it on herself?".
I understand that they didn't mean their remarks and said them in an attempt to break her down so they could "rebuild her", but I was 14 at the time. I was traumatized by having to witness her being broken and I can NOT imagine how she must have felt. But a part of her died,and not the "opposistionally defiant" part. She then began acting out sexually with fellow sudents. I feel like I watched the last surviving innocence she had be smothered before me and it truly haunts me to this day.
Success at HLA is dependent on sooo many variables. The reason for being there and its valididty ( I ran away from a dangerous homelife... for three days.) and the personal relationship the student has with his or her counselors are only 2 such factors.
My parents sent me there, as so many other parents have alleged, "to save my life." I was a well behaved student, but I wasn't pulled for a year of good ( relatively) behavior. My parents pulled me because they accidently were alerted to the fact that they were being manipulated and conned after one very high-up staff member referred to HLA as a source of punishment for kids, not therapy or rehabilitation. I'm sure they would be more than willing to talk to any parents. I'm not sure whether they would recommend HLA or not. You'll most likely hear that it was wrong for me, but maybe helpful for some.
I left HLA about 7 years ago, and it is STILL a huge source of tension and anger in my home, but for reasons that you might not be able to forsee.
My education has suffered.
I was scouted by Harvard after starting university at 16, but my parents spent my entire college savings on HLA, and even with help, Ivy Leauge isn't exactly cheap.
My father resents me for being what I feel he sees me as... a bad investment.
I resent him for wasting my college fund to finance the most traumatic year of my life.
He resents me because I developed post-traumatic stress disorders, panic disorder with agorophopia, generalized anxiety disorder, and recurrent major depressive episodes and my treatment just costs him more money.
And, for the record, all of the above disorders have been diagnosed by multiple psychiatrists, and ALL of them attribute them to my experiences with HLA. I never had a panic attack before HLA, and if you've ever had one then you KNOW they're no joke.
I guess my point here is that sending or keeping your child at HLA or any other facility is a decision that may have positive and probably equally negative consequences for your family.
DO NOT TRUST EDUCATIONAL CONSULTANTS, PLEASE.
Talk to as many child psychologists as you can. They won't recommend a program unless your child really needs one.
As bad as it might seem, "oppostitional defiance disorder" doesn't exist. It is in no DSM ever published and its definition is a vague general description of typical teenage rebellion.
Don't punish your kids for their hormones.
Once you've sent your child "away" do not rely on the program's staff for updates on his or her progress. You have to do a lot of detective work and constantly re-evaluate the nessecity of keeping your child in a program, no matter how structured it sounds, no matter how important graduation from the program is touted as being.
If you're not prepared to weigh your child's descriptions of HLA at least equally as you would trust the description given to you by the staff, then you aren't responsible enough to ensure your child's safety while in HLA's care.
And finally, please learn from my family's mistakes. If you want to ensure a successful future for your teen you can't spend your savings for their college education. Consult 20 random psychologists and psychiatrists before sending your child to HLA, and perhaps most importantly, allow your child to see at least one non-program associated psychologist on EVERY visit, no matter what, and take their opinion on HLA with the upmost seriousness.
