Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > Benchmark Young Adult School / Benchmark Transitions
ST Cluelessness
psy:
--- Quote from: ""exhausted"" ---I also discovered recently he has been violent towards them, they haven't told me because they had been intimidated by him into keeping quiet, he smashed the house up with a tennis racket, then hit them with it, hit them with a golf club because he had to get up early to go to court and decided they should be up too - and he also does it when he wants them to make him something to eat late at night, if they refuse he bites them, hits them and beats up on them in general, my problem is that he's getting nastier and nastier towards me - I cal the police and they release him, it's me who gets the backlash once he's free to do so, I can sort of deal with that, although mentally I'm not dealing with it at all well, it's the boys I worry about getting the consequences of his anger
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Throw the fucker out. The next time he gets rowdy call the police. While he's gone, have a steel door with a deadlock installed if you live in an apartment. Call the police if he comes back. Buy a tazer / mace / pepper-spray for personal self defense and don't be afraid to use it. It won't kill him and if he's beating up his own brothers he deserves no sympathy at all. Be rid of him and save your other two kids.
--- Quote ---had to go finish helping a neighbour whose wall had been knocked down (they'd been picking the bricks up and stacking them) they also told me a friend of theres, who I really didn't want them hanging out with as he is real trouble, smokes weed and drinks heavily, is always in trouble, had been arrested, and it was the best thing that ever happened to them as they don't want to be around him because he will drag them down woth htem.....I actually got a mature conversation out of my kids :o and I didn't initiate the converstaion at all
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Finally some good news. Maybe they are starting to see the reality of things around them. There's no better teacher than experience and example.
But first things first. You need to get rid of the 19 year old. As i've said before: "unless a kid is an immediate danger to himself or others he should not be institutionalized". At this point an institution would have to be his choice anyway, and you have to take into consideration the abuse he is dealing out towards you and the rest of your family. He has to go. What have you tried so far to be rid of him?
exhausted:
No I am not beliitling them, what I meant is, its like someone put the old personalities of 'nice kids' back into them and took the devil inside them away....
but tongiht, again, it's kicked off, everyone is shouting and screaming and swearing and carrying on, all I've asked is they all (all 4 of them) let me have ONE evening where there is no shouting or kicking off, I have sent them all to bed so they are seperated and can't be shouting at each other, but no - they just keep running up & down the stairs - continuing with the shouting and swearing at each other, the 14 yr old has stolen a packet of cigarette papers off the eldest who has threatened to smash his head in for it and no doubt will, I think it's time I leave the house before I become useless to anyone, there's no coping with this carrying on until 1,2, 3 am every single night, there is no let up
As for trying to remove the 19 yr old, as I said, i have called the police everytime, but they keep letting him go - and he comes back here in a more angry mood than he ever was, and it's us who suffer the consequences - the police always let us down, they just make the situation worse
btw, we cannot have posession of mace, tazers, pepper sprays here, it is illegal for anyone but the police to use any of these weapons, i would be arrested for using them
psy:
--- Quote from: ""exhausted"" ---btw, we cannot have posession of mace, tazers, pepper sprays here, it is illegal for anyone but the police to use any of these weapons, i would be arrested for using them
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Pfft. This is insane. So what exactly are you supposed to do in self defense? Use harsh language?!?! To be frank. If I lived in the uk i'd break the law.
Can't you tell the police to remove him, that he's abusive. There has got to be some domistic violence authority in the UK.
Here's the BBC's advice on getting rid of the fucker.
specifically this page substitute the word "fuckhead son" for "partner".
and here's how you keep him out
My feeling here is that you hesitate. Dont.
exhausted:
yer I know what they say, what they do is totally the oppposite, remember they said if he breaks his tag curfew ONCE he goes straight back to jail? He broke it several times and the last time he went to court, they rewarded him by giving him 2 more hours to play with....o...k
Victim support, hmmm....let me tell you something about them, my best friend was nearly beaten to death several times by her partbner for 9 years, the police promised her they'd take care of her if she helped them put him away, she lived in sheer fear for a year, we al took turns in staying at her house to keep watch, he came through the door on many occassions, bearing in mind this guy had been imprisoned 2wice for the same thing on two previous partners, anyway she did this year in absolute terror, the day before the court case was due, they suddeny dropped the case, no explanation, no back up protection, nothing.
When I have called the police on my son, they have promised me victim support, do you think anyone has ever bothered to contact me? No...there's your promise of stopping domestic violence in this country, and that is why victims of abuse do not report it.
psy:
--- Quote from: ""exhausted"" ---yer I know what they say, what they do is totally the oppposite, remember they said if he breaks his tag curfew ONCE he goes straight back to jail? He broke it several times and the last time he went to court, they rewarded him by giving him 2 more hours to play with....o...k
Victim support, hmmm....let me tell you something about them, my best friend was nearly beaten to death several times by her partbner for 9 years, the police promised her they'd take care of her if she helped them put him away, she lived in sheer fear for a year, we al took turns in staying at her house to keep watch, he came through the door on many occassions, bearing in mind this guy had been imprisoned 2wice for the same thing on two previous partners, anyway she did this year in absolute terror, the day before the court case was due, they suddeny dropped the case, no explanation, no back up protection, nothing.
When I have called the police on my son, they have promised me victim support, do you think anyone has ever bothered to contact me? No...there's your promise of stopping domestic violence in this country, and that is why victims of abuse do not report it.
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NOOO. my country sucks more dammit. stop bursting my bubble. Jeez. No wonder they don't allow firearms in your country. Domestic violence would plummit while the gunshot deaths rate would skyrocket. What you're describing is a good argument for why many people argue that regulation for TBS/RTS/RTC/EGBS/BM/ABC schools would never work. Governments have a notorious record of saying a lot, and doing absolutely jack shit. And when they do actually get around to doing something it ends up being massively botched, usually due to incompetence, corruption, or a combination or the two.
Regardless of your experiences though with your friend, have you tried the approaches mentioned on the webpage? If all else fails, do you have a strong man / group of men you can call (independent contractors) to chuck him out or otherwise handle the situation. Surely there must be at least one sympathetic ear amongst the local police. Have you tried local churchfolk? Go to a gym, make friends with some muscle bound freak with a big "mom" tattoo on his arm. You know the type. The ones that will approach your son and say "are you disrespecting your mother son? WELL ARE YOU!". I'm not suggesting anything illegal, i'm just saying when you throw him out it might be helpful to have some muscle around so he doesn't get any ideas and might think twice about coming back to mess things up.
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