Author Topic: Concerned for my daughter.  (Read 4109 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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Concerned for my daughter.
« on: June 13, 2006, 07:04:00 PM »
Hello. I am deeply concerned for my 15 year- old daughter. She feels like she is not loved by me. She was conceived by rape. She always says I do not want her or love her. Recently,she has begun cutting herself. She sometimes stays out all night. I am very concerned for her and I am afraid that if I keep her at home, she might end up dead. My question for you guys is is there ANY GOOD PROGRAM out there that I could send her to get help?
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Offline Anonymous

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Concerned for my daughter.
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2006, 07:10:00 PM »
Call a therapist, not a program referral agent.

There are resources in your community.  Acute care hospitals, psychologists, therapists.  

Sending your kid to a program can and most likely will do more damage than good.  Especially if you get a referral off the internet from someone who doesn't know your daughter, has never seen or even talked to her.

 :roll:
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Offline MightyAardvark

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Concerned for my daughter.
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2006, 07:13:00 PM »
Hey there.
It sounds like you really do love your daughter and want to help her through a tough time. Your instincts are good but I've gotta say your application is kinda lacking. Have you looked at local therapy options or possibly something you can both do like simply taking a holiday together?

I have never seen the slightest scientific proof of the religious theories of heaven and hell, of future life for individuals, or of a personal God.
--Thomas Edison, American inventor

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see the children with their boredom and their vacant stares. God help us all if we\'re to blame for their unanswered prayers,

Billy Joel.

Offline Dr Fucktard

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Concerned for my daughter.
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2006, 07:14:00 PM »
Look no further -- WE can help you! :tup:
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2006, 07:23:00 PM »
Quote
She was conceived by rape.


Okay I might of believed the post if this sentence wasn't in here. This is the giveaway people... funny shit though.  :silly:
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #5 on: June 13, 2006, 07:28:00 PM »
I posted anon. There are many who are conceived by rape. I did not mean to offend anyone. I am currently going through a a hard time with my daughter and looking for help.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #6 on: June 13, 2006, 07:40:00 PM »
How did you find Fornits?

What sort of program are you looking for? How did you learn about them?

You should know that some kids cut while attending or after a program, who never cut before.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #7 on: June 13, 2006, 11:35:00 PM »
I began cutting while in a program.  Since you cannot express yourself with words, many find it's one of the only ways to deal with their emotions.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #8 on: June 13, 2006, 11:59:00 PM »
Why would you believe this is not a parent looking for help? Why attack someone right off the bat? Maybe because this is a forum where you can remain anonymous this mother felt OK to share her story here. Perhaps she'll change her mind and move on.

If you are truly a mom looking for help for your daughter who is cutting I know personally that children who attend programs do start cutting. I'm not sure why, but someone said something that made some sense. They don't have any other way to communicate their anxiety.

It's important to look close to home for help if at all possible. From what I've heard and read, many of these programs do not provide children with the type of help they need, but rather they are locked up and abused.

There are things you can look out for if you feel the need to find outside help. First and foremost - go with your gut and do your research. Go visit the facility, talk to the owner, talk to the therapists. If they have none, move on. If they talk about not being able to communicate with your child that is a red flag. Kids have been known to go up to a year and more without speaking with their parents.

A woman posted her story and her daughter's story, which you might find useful http://www.cindiandtaylor.com.

Good luck to you and your daughter. Forgive those here who are not trusting, they have good reason to be that way. Most of them spent time in abusive programs and have a tough time with trust issues. Understandable.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #9 on: June 14, 2006, 12:24:00 AM »
Quote
On 2006-06-13 16:04:00, Anonymous wrote:

Hello. I am deeply concerned for my 15 year- old daughter. She feels like she is not loved by me. She was conceived by rape. She always says I do not want her or love her. Recently,she has begun cutting herself. She sometimes stays out all night. I am very concerned for her and I am afraid that if I keep her at home, she might end up dead. My question for you guys is is there ANY GOOD PROGRAM out there that I could send her to get help?

I once cut something into my arm just because my friend and I thought it was cool. It was before we were old enough to get tattoos. How often does she say things like that to you? I realize she's probably cutting herself for other reasons (like the ones stated) but I couldn't help but consider the remote possibilty of another explanation..
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #10 on: June 14, 2006, 12:32:00 AM »
Quote
On 2006-06-13 20:59:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Why would you believe this is not a parent looking for help? Why attack someone right off the bat? Maybe because this is a forum where you can remain anonymous this mother felt OK to share her story here. Perhaps she'll change her mind and move on.



If you are truly a mom looking for help for your daughter who is cutting I know personally that children who attend programs do start cutting. I'm not sure why, but someone said something that made some sense. They don't have any other way to communicate their anxiety.



It's important to look close to home for help if at all possible. From what I've heard and read, many of these programs do not provide children with the type of help they need, but rather they are locked up and abused.



There are things you can look out for if you feel the need to find outside help. First and foremost - go with your gut and do your research. Go visit the facility, talk to the owner, talk to the therapists. If they have none, move on. If they talk about not being able to communicate with your child that is a red flag. Kids have been known to go up to a year and more without speaking with their parents.



A woman posted her story and her daughter's story, which you might find useful http://www.cindiandtaylor.com.



Good luck to you and your daughter. Forgive those here who are not trusting, they have good reason to be that way. Most of them spent time in abusive programs and have a tough time with trust issues. Understandable."


The above referenced self-promotional website does not even come close to providing the kind of insight this mother needs and more importantly, where to seek appropriate treatment for her daughter.

Here is a short list of resources that offer information specific to self-injury.  WARNING!  Stay away from behavior modification warehouses and referral services who refer to programs who pay them finder's fees.  That's a major RED FLAG.

http://www.coolnurse.com/self-injury.htm

http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/me ... tting.html

http://www.vistadelmar.org/self-injury-resources.htm

1-800 DON'T-CUT (800-366-8288)
SAFE Alternatives Program

The Cutting Edge (A Newsletter)
P.O. Box 20819
Cleveland, OH 44120
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #11 on: June 16, 2006, 04:56:00 PM »
Community based treatment is, hands down, the most effective way of treating mental health problems.  

Address what's causing the cutting first, and then see how much her other behavior improves before worrying about the next step.

Alternately, if you get a good therapist that thinks changing a few minor, easier behavior issues or some negative self-talk will pave the way for addressing the cutting, then if you feel good about the therapist and she has good credentials, trust her.

Someone should only be put into a facility if she is an imminent danger to themselves or others.

If you put people in facilities to try to address their problems, then when they come back into the community the environment triggers off the same problems all over again.

You, the parent, and your home, is part of that whole environment where the kid had problems.  Even that serves as a trigger, even if they avoid their old friends and make new ones.

It doesn't always trigger a relapse, but it does it frequently enough to make a hard hit against the success rate of any facility.

Even if you could find the best facility that could possibly exist, community based care probably has it beat because of that environmental trigger factor.

To find a good community based program where you live, you should call county mental health.  If your county does not have a separate mental health department, then call the health department.  Ask your insurance company or your daughter's doctoer for a referral to a good psychiatrist or licensed clinical psychologist in your area.  Try to get a practice that has more than one professional on staff, because that increases your odds that the office is familiar with whatever else is available in your area.

Julie
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #12 on: June 16, 2006, 06:22:00 PM »
Thanks everyone. I have hired an INDEPENDENT Ed Con to review my options.I just hope he can help. I fel lost right now.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #13 on: June 16, 2006, 06:23:00 PM »
Some excellent replies here. I would add, that in my experience, a good, caring, involved therapist is worth his or her weight in gold.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #14 on: June 16, 2006, 07:08:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-06-16 15:22:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Thanks everyone. I have hired an INDEPENDENT Ed Con to review my options.I just hope he can help. I fel lost right now."


Good choice, way better than a dependent ed con.

 :silly:
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