Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum
"if you don't, she will die"
Antigen:
--- Quote ---On 2006-01-14 16:55:00, JaLong wrote:
"Thanks Kevin,
Yes, Susie Connors was there for me, yet now I wonder with what kind of sincerity??
--- End quote ---
The type of total, unquestioning faith available only to blindly devoted zealots; sagusees and pharasees. (spell check it yourself, it's been over 20 years for more)
Government is not reason, it is not eloquence, it is force; like fire, a troublesome servant and a fearful master. Never for a moment should it be left to irresponsible action.
George Washington
--- End quote ---
Antigen:
--- Quote ---On 2006-01-14 16:55:00, JaLong wrote:
That part of my life is history, and I sure would love to write a book about my life. I'd probably name it," From hell to Heaven." LOL. I do have peace in my life Kevin, and I appreciate your caring and kind words. This means a lot to me. Take care Kevin.
Julie
--- End quote ---
Right about now, there's a market for just such a book. I encourage you to write it. I'm namin' mine "The Postman's kid".
A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question
about it.
--GW Büsh, Business Week, July 30, 2001
--- End quote ---
marshall:
That was a great series of posts, Julie. I think many of the fierce Seed supporters may fear that if they begin to question or honestly examine the program itself the whole edifice may crumble. Some may even believe criticizing the program will lead to their relapsing into drug abuse.
I can understand their concern since I had similar concerns for years. It's like the first time I drank a beer with my father two years after graduating the program. I half expected and wondered if I'd be in the gutter with a needle in my arm within a short time....or dead, insane or back in jail. It was the same with talking to & associating with 'druggies'. Surely this would lead to my destruction. The power of that conditioning was very strong and it took years to begin to see through it. Here I am 28 years later & I still rarely drink over 2 beers or a glass of wine & that only occasionally. No drugs, no insanity, etc.
Of course to some program proponents any serious criticism of the Seed equals being a drug addict, criminal or angry, self-indulgent pseudo-intellectual that embraces questionable ideology (meaning ideology that is at variance with the Seed party-line). Congrats on your courageous decision to apply honesty to the tenets and methods of the program itself.
marcwordsmith:
Julie, just off the cuff, I think it's perfectly possible that Suzie truly befriended you. She was a true believer in the Seed, and she may have seen a bit of herself in you in some ways. The Seed itself was a warped program, but sometimes people genuinely did try to be kind in the context of all that party-line insanity.
Walter has written a bit about that paradox--how on the one hand, the Seed indoctrinated us into group think and did not tolerate independent thought, yet on the other hand, he really did enjoy some authentic connections with some good people in the cult and they had some great times together.
I think it's all true -- especially with somebody like Suzie C. To me she epitomized the sometimes contradictory nature of the Seed. Suzie C. was very nice to me too. She often told me she loved me and I believed her, and I believe her to this day. I can't dislike her because she was lovely to me. And at the same time, I saw her behave just abominably to people in the group; she was an absolute emotional barbarian. She could be so vicious in how she attacked people.
In the account I wrote about the Seed which is online and which you read, I talk about a staff member named "Gloria" a couple of times. That's Suzie. She's the one who read the girl's intercepted love letters in front of the entire group (in an atrociously spiteful and humiliating fashion), and she's also the staff person who called me in to talk on my third day, and tried to scare me with stories about Raiford Penitentiary. Even then though, she didn't have a mean attitude toward me, and she never did. But oooh, if she didn't like you, she could so casually tear you apart, with what looked like relish.
Someone sent me an email recently saying that her experience in the Seed was "not that bad. I had some really kind staff and oldcomer treatment." Hey, it happened that way for some people.
JaLong:
Marshall,
After having some time to think about it, I have come to the conclusion that Susie was real with me. I sat in an office often with her and discussed some very personal and private things about my life. I think that is how I was able to see a therapist on the outside after school. I remember one day at school many people who were my "old Friends" taunted me and kicked, hit, and threw me into lockers, just because I wouldn't talk to them. A few told me years later that they saw a change in me, a smile on my face and in my eyes.. it scared them. Anyhow, I left school and drove straight back to the seed to talk to Susie. She was very comforting, and told me she was proud of me for not falling for my friends crap. She also lived at my old comers house, and we would talk often.
Does anyone remember an older female staff who was a little on the heavy side and was mean?? I know she had brown hair and glasses. Thank you Marshall for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me. Susie was legit with me. I am grateful to her and Arthur for helping me while I was there. Arthur and I were in the clinic together for a week. I had been home for a month with the flu, kidney infection and mono. We would talk when I came back and he was in there I think because of his leg.. I came in 1 month after the seed opened here in St. Pete, and from what others say, things changed or were different in other states. It was pretty mellow, except for some times, when I was in there.
God Bless Marshall,
Julie
ps. I honestly felt happy and proud of myself when I yelled, "I'm coming home." :smile:
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