Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum
Dear John
Antigen:
Anon, are you sure it's us who missed the point? I mean, if I were you, wouldn't have bothered typing all those words out. All you had to say was "It's not important" and every seedling who came along would have taken the point.
Oh, btw, funny story. That's exactly what John said when I pressed him for an explanation about why no one ever challenged Lybbi's absurd claim to have had a $1k/day H habit (1970 dollars). He finally said "It's not important." I laughed so hard! Not important? Not important??? What's the first and most impotant rule????
When elephants ? ght, it is the grass that suffers.
Kikuyu proverb
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Anonymous:
Antigen- "Thats not important"
By the way Lybbi used to say from my memory $100 dollar a day habit.
landyh:
--- Quote ---On 2005-12-02 12:21:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Antigen- "Thats not important"
By the way Lybbi used to say from my memory $100 dollar a day habit."
--- End quote ---
I remember a $100 a day habit too. Maybe she was just adjusting for inflation. :wink:
landyh:
--- Quote ---On 2005-12-02 09:53:00, Stripe wrote:
"
--- Quote ---
On 2005-12-02 07:17:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Are you sure you would not have been that way anyway? I'm not being a jerk. I'm being honest.
Some people want to blame someone for everything instead of accepting the responsibility on their own."
--- End quote ---
Yes, some people might, but I don?t think I?m one of them. How much responsibility I accept for my psychological reaction to being brainwashed and punished for things I never did is a tough question answer. Apparently, persons can live a lifetime trying to compensate for some pretty deep stuff and never really know the root cause. Some people go silently to their demise, others blowup, and others never even wake up.
There?s really no way for me to answer your question that won?t get my ass-kicked by the people who fully believe in the value of tough love programs. If I disagree with your presumption that I would have been ?that way anyway? then I?m in the proverbial denial patch and I?m ?blaming someone for everything instead of accepting responsibility? on my own. And if I agree with you, then I have completely invalidated the actions I have taken in my life to recover from the seed experience.
But I simply cannot deny the damage any longer.
In the context of your question, your use of the word honesty ? well it just seems and odd way to ?soften? the blow of blaming someone for being in the wrong place at the wrong time and being lied to and held against their will. The only way out was to admit and embrace some very vile character flaws I never had until then. Like lying, like sacrificing, like turning against another to protect myself. You get my drift?
Don?t get me wrong, I?m no slouch, laying around moaning about how hurt I am or how bad my life has been. To the contrary - I work productively (when I?m not screwing around here but this too, is work), I have my own business, I have two advanced degrees, I am married and I have successfully raised a family and I pay for my kid?s college and my family and friends profess and show me love and kindness daily. I do massive amounts of pro bono work for friends, business associates, family and stangers and I help the elderly at every opportunity. I have been an award winning athlete, and I have fought hard to protect the under dog and accused all of my professional career.
And I?ve let people, like you, who I do not personally know, kick my ass, doubt my ?honesty? and time and time again blame me for the outcome of abuse I never needed to correct a problem I never fucking had. As I said before, it?s mop up time now. Time to reconcile myself with what I did to me. It?s okay if you think my perceptions are wrong because now, if I am wrong, it?s only me I?m hurting and no one else. But I seriously doubt that putting this early piece of my life back together, in perspective, and letting myself off the hook is going to hurt me or you. Really, it can only help me do more of what I do better, for many more people.
As an aside, everyone who reads this forum might want to read Mark Polonsky's article. It was an eye-opener for me. Just like John's posts have validated your sense of self, so this article has validated my sense of self because someone else had an experiece that was so shockingly similar. Taking it all to heart, is a giant leap in the recovery process.
Peace out.
"
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Stripe,
I really like your post. I come in here having gone through two totally different experiences at the Seed and not only can I see both sides of this I lived it. I just feel we get so much further when we share our own experience rather than attacking everyone elses. I don't really feel I can argue with what happened to you nor you me. I do appreciate that you expressed it. Consider yourself lucky that you only have the one point of view to reconcile. Very black and white. Imagine if you had these dualistic views that I have to contend with. I am glad you have done well for yourself and others and that you have found some healing here. Tha'ts why I'm here. To find some healing and understanding for myself. As long as people don't try to deny my experience just because it doesn't fit theirs I play pretty nice here if I do say so myself.
peace back at ya
Stripe:
Landyh,
Regardless of why or how you came back there, which round, after all these years, was the most helpful to you ? Which was the most damaging? I'm just curious. If that's a question you prefer not to answer, or can't answer right now, I understand. I know my position on the seed has changed over the course of my life.
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