Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum
Dear John
Anonymous:
How did you come up with stripe? Why an Arabian type man picture with a mustache? Since you are a woman. Just Wondering?
Stripe:
--- Quote ---On 2005-12-02 12:21:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Antigen- "Thats not important"
By the way Lybbi used to say from my memory $100 dollar a day habit."
--- End quote ---
What's the purpose of bragging about how much dope you shot up anyway? I seem to recall people not in favor who were chastized for saying how much dope they smoked, snorted or shot up.
I think the whole "I did this" routine was used to make us all sit in wonder and awe at the remarkable recovery of X-person. But god help ya if you didn't do enough drugs to really fit in - and God help you more if you did too much and failed to admit it. I truly felt quite inadequate when it came to the my pre-seed drug use - torn between lying about more use than was true, or telling the truth and maybe never being allowed to go home.
Aaahhhh, the trials and tribulations of yesterday's teen...
cleveland:
In response to the initial post by "someone:"
I am sure I knew you, at SR 84. Funny to think that, since you are posting anonymously - as to me, I am 'Wally' of course...
I agree with 98% of what you said in your post. But the 2% that I don't agree with is like the difference between night and day.
I was a 'volunteer' too, but not like any kind of volunteer I had ever been before or since. I 'volunteered' at the Seed by giving up every other important relationship in my life up to then, by pledging total allegience to the group, and by denying my basic individuality. The Seed expected, and got, total adherence to its rules, customs, and beliefs, and any dissent that I had within me was kept deep inside. The only other relationship in which I yield so much of myself would be my wife, but from time to time I even disagree with her :wink:
Also, the reason why I read this site and think about it a lot is not because I live in the past, but because A. it was 7 years of my life B. it was like nothing else I have experienced C. I want to understand what it means to me and to our culture about addiction, power, friendship, etc. What could be more important?
So yes, I will read here and post here, struggling to find out what I experienced, and trying to form a response to what the Seed. addiction, family and friendship are all about.
What I DON'T understand is all those who went thru the Seed experience and either can't or won't think critically about it. Telling people to 'get over it' is a huge cop out - what do you care if people want to think/talk about this? It is still relevent.
Finally, there are hundreds of Seed copy-cat programs all over the world. The Seed may have closed but it has a legacy, for better or worse. Do you have children? Would you put them in Kids Helping Kids or any number of programs like that?
Finally - love ya...I still feel a real connection to the Seed and people I met there, even though most of them will never talk to me! I am happily, a fuck-up and drop out of the program!
Stripe:
--- Quote ---
On 2005-12-02 13:15:00, Anonymous wrote:
"How did you come up with stripe? Why an Arabian type man picture with a mustache? Since you are a woman. Just Wondering?"
--- End quote ---
Stripe is my loyal pet cat of 20 years who is pretty much with me all the time, day in and day out now that I work at home. I like Frank Zappa - his music and his art and his poerty, and his whole sense of challeneging conventional social systems and the establishment. (yeah, I guess I'm a hippie or something...) It's really too bad he died because the music world lost a great composer and artist. That, and it was the only real-looking thing on the avatar choices(isn't that what the little picutres are called ?) Nothing mysterious about the robes or dark hair or moustache - and I have never wanted to be a man, either, if you were going there, because I hear enough about that in real life because of my real name, which is (now removed by Stripe)
landyh:
--- Quote ---On 2005-12-02 13:10:00, Stripe wrote:
"Landyh,
Regardless of why or how you came back there, which round, after all these years, was the most helpful to you ? Which was the most damaging? I'm just curious. If that's a question you prefer not to answer, or can't answer right now, I understand. I know my position on the seed has changed over the course of my life.
"
--- End quote ---
No problem answering that. The Seed that existed on 3rd avenue was a place of love and acceptance. The "love ya's" at least felt real not rote responses. I don't remember anything feeling forced but more like suggestions. People that were there then came of ther own volition. I felt the people there had real feelings and concerns for me and I for them. It was a smaller group and Art was not at all secluded. He was funny, charismatic to be sure but caring and available. On a mission to be sure but not at all full of himself then. St Rd 84 was different. Too big. Art was isolated from the group by his staff. I felt like although they would have liked to have made you think they were just protecting him so he would have time for the bigger picture they really just wanted to protect there own place in his clique. Keeping others out as if they were afraid it might threaten there own position. I don't know if the changes were evolutionary in nature or the result of growing faster than they could manage. That it was no longer voluntary for the vast majority of us is probably the worst of the changes. It is one thing to submit yourself to rigorous self honesty to save yourself quite another to be broken to the point that your willing to say anything to get out. I don't blame the seed for the problems I was to have later in either case but as to which was more helpful to me I can answer that. My first time was positive and even beneficial though not a cure all for what was really going on. The second time was not like that at all excepting that I did get away from drugs for a while subsequently and i needed to. I felt like I gave up a little piece of myself to do it. i believe the methodological changes that had taken place in the time between my experiences were damaging in some sense. Reflected here maybe in the way I go back and forth on how i feel about the overall experience. Perhaps why I can see and even take both sides of an issue even today without being able to plant myself firmly on either side. There is a good side to that I know and this duality is deeply rooted in how I percieve things even now but sometimes I wish I could see things in black and white as so many here seem to be able to do. There would come a certain peace in being convinced of the infalliability of my own perceptions I suspect. One that at least to this point in my life I have never known. This ability to see both sides does help in its own way. It makes me a fair negotiator and mediator when that is called for and I think at times allows me to provide a calming influence in certain situations. i hope that answered your question.
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