On 2005-09-13 13:45:00, Antigen wrote:
"NCL, you're certainly not alone in that weird memory block thing. A lot of us have the same sort of blanks. I don't think I can remember 2 days worth of experience out of the two years I was in. Was just talking w/ an old friend from those days and she told me about something that happened at Fame Haven (local group home). Not only do I not remember the incident, I don't even remember her having been there at all.
I don't know exactly why this is. But I have some ideas. I intentionally turned my mind off; checked my identity at the door. My strategy was to just put on a good enough act till I could split, graduate or come of age. I just did't realize that, in the process, it would really damage me in the long term. And I didn't realize the harm I was so adeptly doing to others. But I think that's got a lot to do w/ our failing memories. But who knows, maybe some day some dedicated shrinks will figure it out. Mean time, it just is what it is.
In my case, I didn?t intentionally turn my mind off, that I was aware of anyway, until after straight. While in straight, I remember the first few weeks of confusion, but after that its mostly a blank, with only a few incidents standing out. Yeah, it does seems like we all have this problem with a blank memory to varying extents.
But what bothers me most about this, is that it almost seems like I wasn?t there at all sometimes...because of the void. Maybe a kind of dissociation? Like unconsciously removing myself and "checking out" while in straight, I guess. I struggle to explain and understand it. And maybe it bothers me too much...I just cant seem to deal with a huge void in my memory----its very unsettling. But yeah, your right..it is what it is.
